What Have I Done

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Paw Prints

If you take a look around you will find that most people you know have a pet. Most have a cat or a dog or multiples of either or both. You will find “crazy cat ladies” all around the world because they need affection.

People in general need affection and so many of us are alone these days and our pets make us feel loved. I know that when I leave my house my pets miss me as they so love it when I return.

They sit next to me and watch tv or sleep and they sleep on my bed next to me.  I dont know what I would do without the love of my pets. Pets ask so little of us and when I see someone hurting a defenseless animal it makes me crazy.

Everyone needs to feel loved and cared for and there is no age requirement when getting a pet. My daughter is at law school and she has friends but when you do not have a companion in your life, life gets lonely as hell.

She ended up going to a shelter and getting a puppy that is five months old. The sad thing is she is leaving for Chicago to work with the attorney general of cook county and she cannot have the dog.

She has also signed a lease agreement for the fall with two other friends and they dont know if they want to move to another building that will allow dogs. If that is the case I am going to end up taking care of the dog until my daughter can have her at her living quarters.

My daughter called me last night so upset and crying because she doesnt think her new roomies will want to move so Shelby can have the dog. She was crying so hard and told me she was afraid that I would be mad at her.

She sent me a picture of the dog and I told her not to get it but she did anyway. It looks like I am going to end up caring for the dog because my daughter cannot get out of the new lease.

She is twenty years old and has focused on school for the last four years. She graduated with her bachelors degree in three years and that allowed her to start law school a year earlier than her other classmates.

She is extremely book smart but she needs to learn alot about life. She does what she wants and she doesnt listen to me but that is how she learns. I think that is how so many people learn, by trial and error.

Her goal is to return to Washington D.C. and work for the government which is a smart move because of the connections she can make as well as the benefits. There are a lot of movers and shakers in D.C. and she fits right in.

She wants me to move there with her but that just isnt my kind of world. I was raised on a farm by my grandparents and the simple life fulfills my daily desires. I like growing my own food and I so enjoy gardening.

There is nothing like picking a fresh tomatoes and cukes off the vine, wash them cut them up and add some garlic and toss with some balsamic vinegar and oil dressing.  Anyone that really knows me knows that I enjoy baking and cooking and I am pretty good at both.

I have taught my kids the importance of a cast iron pan and I have purchased both of them their own pan. I cook with both of them as I am seasoning them for the kids when they are on their own.

It’s been a long haul the last six years and being a widow since 2011 has taught me much about life. I am not one to be impressed with much and a simple life is all I require for my happiness. Yes, I admit it I am lonely and so wish for male companionship but I refuse to settle for someone just to have another person in my life.

To be honest, I truly miss the touch of a man, sex, hell yes I miss sex and have to rely on masturbation for my own release. So many woman have never experienced an orgasm and have no idea how to achieve the pleasure by themselves.

I enjoy mutual masturbation but that requires another person so I am basically stuck being my own sex partner. There is nothing wrong with talking about the ever so elusive female orgasm or actually experiencing it.

So many men are under the assumption that penetration automatically gives a female an orgasm but this is so wrong. Very few women have orgasms from penetration and we need clitoral stimulation.

So many women need to learn to relax and to let themselves “go” mentally. Every woman should own a vibrator and learn to give themselves an orgasm. Once they become familiar with that pleasure spot then they can teach their partner how to please them.

So many men want a woman to go down on them but refuse to go down on the woman. For some reason men cant get past the thought of someone elses dick being inside of their woman but its ok to have the woman suck the dick that has been in countless other women.

I for one enjoy giving fellatio as long as the garden is kept trimmed. I do not enjoy a face full of out of control curlies and the odor of pubic hair is not enticing to me in the least. Regardless if you have just taken a shower pubic hair has an undeniable odor.

If you do not have a satisfying sex life you will never have a fulfilling relationship. Sex is as important as oxygen especially to men but there are a few of us women out there that enjoy sex just as much as the men.

        

  

Six Behind

Today is one of those days that you dread for about a week prior to it. For me, its exactly six years ago today that my husband passed away. It’s been a strange day in many ways as I have had such a heavy sadness.

For all of us that have suffered the loss of a spouse know the sadness I speak of. For those that have divorced you as well know that feeling. That is if you have finally gotten past the stage of anger and sticking needles into a doll hoping your ex or soon to be x can feel every poke and the pain of the depth of the needle into flesh.

I stayed busy all day but my husband was a frequent visitor to my mind. My son and I spent another active day doing repairs around the house and cleaning. We put down cement patches on the driveway and power washed the back porch. I have to say my son did an awesome job and tomorrow he is coming by to finish it.

After my son went home (he is no longer living at home) I started power washing and one corner of my porch was filled with the shells of thistle. I was literally covered from head to toe and sent the pics to my kids, both got a real good laugh out of it.

As I moved the power washer to wash the dirt towards the drain I had one of those Cheshire cat smiles cross my face. I thought of my husband and how he would of gotten a good laugh out of my appearance as well.

As I thought about him I could see him charming the panties off of the nuns, literally. He was smooth, as smooth as constipation medicine and he never met a single person that didnt like him.

He was a good man, a kind man as well as the biggest asshole I have ever met. As I look back at the almost divorce it would have been so much cheaper to keep him and looked for something on the side.

I talk some shit but the truth is I never would have cheated on him as that just isnt part of my makeup.  I know there are many people who have gotten tired of their worn out relationship.

They find their heads get turned usually for someone younger and then before they know it they are in a full blown affair. The fun lasts about 3-6 months and then things change and for  men that new girlfriend wants much more than you are willing to give. 

She starts pushing and the fun is over so you sit back and decide wish evil to chose. You end up going back home and back to the life you were living but this time there is a bit of underlying hostility from your mate.

You figured that the relationship at home isnt as bad as you thought and you knew it would be better to let that fresh, young thing move onto someone who can provide her with the future she is searching for.

What ends up happening is we settle because its convenient and predictable and we feel safe. Then there is the financials that are easy enough to share on day to day but to give up half of your fortune just isnt going to work.

All of these thoughts going through my mind and I know my husband isnt lonely and I know he tries his best to protect us. I have to say looking back I did respect my husband for most of our marriage but then things went south and I just couldnt recover.

Secrets & Lies

He walked into the house and threw his coat over the chair as he walked over to the bottle of liquor. Pouring two fingers into the glass and avoiding the direct eye contact with his wife.

Little did he know his wife was also avoiding eye contact with him. He had started an affair with a fresh, young and impressionable girl six months earlier. He just couldn’t bring himself to call her a lady because he felt  like he was robbing the cradle.

The sex had started out hot and passionate but lately he felt like the relationship had lost its zip. The sex had turned into twice a week and it was no longer so exciting he got hard just thinking about fucking her.

When they started the affair they couldnt keep their hands off each other and he couldn’t buy her enough gifts. He loved taking her shopping and seeing her excitement as she bought a shirt that would cost her entire years salary. He had given her a credit card and she wasted no time in using it.

He no longer enjoyed her company as he felt like he was constantly teaching her and he just got bored with that. They had become very comfortable with each and it was like he had two wives.

His wife was a stay home mom and her responsibilities included overseeing repairs of the home. She found the repairmen and she would be home to let them in so they could make the repair.

Her dishwasher was acting up so she found a repairman to fix it and he also fixed her as well. They started out chatting about the dishwasher and before she knew it she was leaning over her kitchen table being pounded by this young, hot repairman.

That was eight months ago and they were still fucking like rabbits. Her husband hadnt touched her in so long she actually couldn’t remember the last time they had sex. She avoided looking into her husband’s eyes because she was afraid he would see how happy she was. She tried to cover up her happiness but it wasn’t easy.

She had one of the best running dishwashers in the neighborhood as they had made an arrangement once a week. He would come over and for the next three hours they licked, sucked and fucked. She was quite happy with her sex toy and thoroughly enjoyed his company.

He threw back his rock glass of liquor and walked into the kitchen, one thing about his wife she was an awesome cook and there was always a hot meal on the table when he came in. She really loved pizza so once a week she would order pizza and they would eat in separate rooms. He would go into his study and get on the computer and she would sit in the living room and watch the news.

Little did he know that it wasn’t pizza she loved so much as it was the three hour sexual marathon earlier that day. Nothing and nobody ever got in the way of her getting her pipes cleaned by a repairman.

He had called like he always did when he was working late and for the last six months he was always putting in extra hours. She had gone to the butchers earlier that day and she had picked up the standing rib roast she had ordered several days ago.

It was their anniversary and she wanted to make a real special dinner for them. While at the butcher a friend she hadn’t seen in along time and they decided to have lunch and to catch up.

They walked down the block to a swanky restaurant and the only table available was in the far corner. This was fine with them as they were people watchers and they could see patrons coming and going.

They ordered bruschetta and were nibbling on that as they chatted animatedly. She almost choked as she saw her husband and this young girl walk through the doors. They were seated in the center of the restaurant which gave the ladies a birds eye view.

She had to much class to make a scene and she decided to keep her distance because her husband had no idea she was watching him. She made her lunch last long enough for her husband to exit the restaurant.

She hugged her friend and they said the usually lies about how they must stay in touch. She headed home and she had so many emotions going on she didn’t know how to react. She was of course hurt, angry and disgusted but those emotions were quickly thrown to the wind as she thought about her weekly visitor.

She entered her kitchen and every time she looked at the dining table she remembered the first time he had fucked her. She quickly seasoned the roast, popped it into the oven with potatoes and carrots. This was her husband’s favorite meal and she still felt a connection with the man she had married twenty years earlier.

She decided that her husband needed to be humiliated and she would show him exactly why she had been so happy for the past eight months. Of course she never would really want to hurt her husband that way but the thought was comforting.

Her and her lover were in the bedroom and he had her on all fours as he pounded her over and over. He loved doggie style and this woman was fantastic sexually, wow her husband really had no idea what he was ignoring.

They fucked and she had him sit on the side of the bed as she crawled up between his legs and took his rock hard cock into her mouth. He loved watching her suck his cock and she was damn good at it.

He laid back on the bed and enjoyed her tongue lashing as much as she enjoyed sucking him. Her husband parked next to the service truck in the driveway and walked into the house with a dozen of wild flowers.

It was their anniversary and he still respected his wife and yes they had been through some trying times. He smelled the dinner cooking and he walked into the kitchen expecting to see his wife.

She wasn’t in the kitchen so he walked through the house until he found his wife on her knees sucking some guys cock. He stood there in shock as he watched his wife and without warning he found himself getting rock hard.

He sat the flowers down and his wife felt his eyes on her as she took the hard cock out of her mouth. She turned to her husband and told him not to say a damn word to her because she had seen him with his little girlfriend.

She told him if he wanted to join in he was welcome and if not to get the fuck out of the room. He found himself removing his clothing and he wanted his wife, yes he wanted to fuck his wife.

He lifted up her hips and he entered her like a bull as she sucked her lover cock. This was so damn hot to him and he was shocked at how much he was enjoying his wife. The three of them enjoyed themselves and her husband was sexually satisfied like he hadnt been in a very long time. He enjoyed his wife sucking his cock as her lover fucked her and he enjoyed all of her sexual tricks he was unaware she knew.

He headed to the shower and her lover got dressed and left the home. She went to the kitchen and was getting ready to serve dinner. Her husband walked into the kitchen and he helped her bring the food to  the table.

They sat down and enjoyed the meal together not saying a word about the fun in the bedroom. He looked at his wife in a new light and he didnt want another man fucking her even though they did have fun.

She looked at her husband and she remembered why she had married him. The couple had found a renewed love that surprised both of them. She didnt mention the girlfriend and her husband had decided he didnt want to be with the girlfriend anymore. the husband and wife laughed like they did when they were younger.

His girlfriend had expected him to visit that evening and when he didn’t show up she called him only to have her number go to voicemail. Little did she know that he and his wife were celebrating their anniversary. He was in bed fucking and sucking as well as getting fucked and sucked.

Him and his wife had fallen asleep spooning, something they hadn’t done in years. He woke at 4 a.m. and for the first time in his life he turned over and pulled his wife close and she began to fondle his half stiff cock. Before he knew it he was so fucking hard he flipped his wife over on all fours and mounted her like a buck in rut.

Little did he know his girlfriend was frantic from not hearing from him and he wasn’t answering his phone this morning either. She went to work and she noticed he wasn’t in his office and she was trying hard to keep down the panic she was feeling.

He laid back on the bed catching his breath and he took his wife’s hand and lead her to the shower. They washed each other and again he was rock hard fucking his wife. They dried each other off and they got dressed.

He kissed his wife and told her he was sorry for being a fool and asked her if she would please forgive him. He was going to the office and after work he would break it off with the girlfriend. He was glad he hadn’t divorced his wife for this young girl because she really offered him nothing, not even exciting sex and lord knows she couldnt even boil water.

He realized that his wife fed him mentally as well as physically and that he was really quite lucky to have such a wonderful women in his life. As far as the girlfriend, she would find a man that would give her the white picket fence and 3 children which was the standard for families.

 

A Deep Well

The one thing I have always wanted in my life is to be able to trust someone without fear that they will turn on me. I thought I had found my best friend in my husband but I found out how evil he could be. I opened myself up to him like a deep well and I exposed some of my deepest, darkest experiences. What did he do with that information? Used it against me telling my friends, his attorney and the mediator his embellished version. of course his version either bordered on a lie or was a lie.


I hate it so when you trust someone and they share your information with others. In my case my husband used my most personal and deepest, darkest secrets against me during our divorce.

I tried so hard to have a friendly divorce but that wasnt the case. My husband wanted everything in the divorce even though he came into the marriage with nothing but bills. He was all about impressing people with the material shit we had together, of course he would claim that everything was because of him.

Its important to be able to trust your partner because without trust you have nothing. I so wish I would meet someone that makes my heart skip a beat. I have no doubt there is a wonderful love out there somewhere looking for me.

I so need a dominant male that isn’t afraid to challenge me and isn’t afraid to explore my sexual side. I so enjoy sex that connects me with my partner because I find random sex to leave me feeling flat and empty.

My daughter had a “one night stand” that lasted a few weeks and then he disappeared without so much as a fuck off. I felt so bad for her because she was so upset and crying but I warned her not to bone him.

She asked me if I ever had had a one night stand and told her yes. I was honest with her because I think most of us have experienced a one night stand. Im sure next time she will be more cautious before she drops her panties and lets her heart spill out.

I so miss the touch of a man and the excitement that comes with making love. I enjoy using oils and massaging the male body and no part is exempt from my hands. I know how wonderful tantra is because I experienced the most awesome orgasm I have ever experienced in my life.

The touch of the fingers and hands on the body connect two people and how you explore the body brings the two of you closer. I cannnot wait until I can explore tantra with someone that excites me mentally as well as physically.

Fifteen Years Later

I went to bed last night knowing that when I woke up it would be fifteen years later that 9/11 occurred. When I finally sat down and turned on the tv it was exactly to the minute fifteen years after such an event started.

I remember that I was working at the Steel Mill as an A Class Electrician and I was sitting at the table in my work area waiting for my daily assignment. When I heard that the towers had been hit by an airplane I knew that it wasn’t any accident.

How could you even think for a minute it wasn’t an attack? The towers were huge and no plane would ever hit them without notifying the airport that they were having difficulties and needed to land.

Now 9/11 shocked many Americans and those visiting our land.  It was a time of instant fear that shook our foundations. Then we hear that the second tower was hit and that our government was finally realizing this was no accident this was an attack.

There I sat at the table with my fellow workers with chills running up and down my spine. We looked at each other  speechless because we didnt know what to say at that moment. Our security had been shook to the core and there was no place we could hide.

 We watched people jumping to their deaths 3/4 of the way up the towers and  the towers  finally collapsed from the intense heat. The shock and dismay left me utterly speechless and like so many others what I was watching seemed surreal.

Fifteen years ago I wondered how any one person could have so much hate in their heart and today I still wonder. Using young men to do suicide missions is cowardly at best and the use of religion to control and manipulate others is lame as well.

The world is so full of hate and anger and people have become lazy. If only we could bring back the 60’s when families were families doing things together. The world has changed so much since the internet became easily accessible to the world.

Between the memory of 9/11 and the choices we have between candidates for president my heart is filled with sadness. I in no way approve of how the candidates have promoted themselves. The constant insults and remarks made out of ignorance have a direct or indirect affect on all of us.

So on this day of remembrance I can only pray for the survivors of those lost in 9/11. The once babies now young adults are feeling the loss of their family member. Many have died and many carry gaping wounds that can never be repaired.

I see the many disasters around the world as well as the many unhappy people lashing out at others. It saddens me so to see how the world has become a war zone and I so miss the days of my youth when life was simple.

Empty Nest

So many times I have thought about this day coming but I envisioned it quite differently. I have kept the tears abay for the most part but I have found the tears randomly streaming down my cheeks.

Being an empty nester isnt easy for most parents and we dont realize how emotional we will get when that days comes. Yesterday we packed up her car, got the electric in her name and we planned a trip to punta cana the first week of January.

My daughter has worked so hard and she wants to be able to take summer classes to make law school easier each semester. She has three very short years ahead of her and before she knows it she will be getting her law degree.

My son has left me with two emotions, relief and the ties that bind mother and son. He and his girlfriend treated me like shit and didnt do a damn thing to help around the house. I didnt charge them a dime and paid for everything.

He is now living with his girlfriends aunt and he told me the other day he had a month to find someplace to live. I couldn’t invite him back home no matter how much my heart wanted to.

My son refuses to see a dr or take meds let alone go to a counselor. The problem with the illness is that so many refuse to believe they have an illness. They seem to have to spiral to the ground before they  accept they need help.

On top of everything my son flew to texas and showed up on someone’s doorstep he played games online with. He sent this girl a gift for xmas two years ago and he kept her address.She had told him if he was thinking about moving to Texas she would help him get a place and a job.

So I kicked him out and he assumed he could get this great paying job in Texas, which didnt happen and to make things worse my son assaulted this girls husband because he spanked his daughter.

My son is now facing assault charges and has to go back to Texas to clear this mess up. His girlfriend is pregnant and she has mental issues of her own. I cannot allow either of them to treat me poorly and the baby is nothing more than the hook to keep my son on the line.

She got pregnant on purpose and just like so many other girls she assumed that my son will eventually marry her. This isnt going to happen because she is nothing more than a piece of ass for my son.

My son would still be living at home if it hadn’t been for her because I had to evict her and then him to get her out of my house. I should of never allowed her to stay here but like so many times before I believed the bullshit my son told me.  She claimed to be abused and used at home and I fell for the story.

Everytime I have helped my son or his friends I have been burned and one would have thought that I would have more sense. Well, the time finally came that mom had to let her son sink or swim.

Im sure he will do fine one way or the other but his lieing has turned most of his friends away from him. He is a real manipulator and he makes you believe his lies and he makes you want to help him.

So here I sit with tears streaming down my face and a sadness that has washed over my body. I already miss my daughter so much and she has only been gone an hour. Now its time to focus on myself and start enjoying life as an empty nester.

 

White Sands

He had it all and that included the eyes of the young women ten years his junior. Yes, a young tight ass was great to fuck but after a while the sex becomes standard and the mental connection weakens.

He had found a woman, a real woman online years ago and he was fascinated by her. He read everything she wrote and he looked at her pics. He had a fear of this woman because he knew she wouldn’t put up with his bullshit.

She couldn’t be bought and that was what troubled him the most. He had bought everyone in his life and he figured everyone had their price. Her price couldn’t be measured in dollars and cents or even pounds.

He thought about her every day and he wanted to touch her, smell her, taste her, fuck her. He knew he would never be allowed to fuck her unless she wanted to be fucked because she preferred to make sensual love.

She was experienced, mature and knew how to please a man on all levels. She was intelligent so she could keep him mentally stimulated and she was highly sexual which any man would love.

He thought about the two of them walking  on a beach on the island of Mauritius. He grabbed her hand and they ran up the beach under the coconut trees. He had already had a blanket laid out for them and a lovely picnic style lunch.

They talked and laughed and enjoyed each others company so much they had blocked out everyone else close to them. She asked him if he would like some suntan lotion put on his back and he said yes.

He laid on his stomach and she poured the lotion on his back. She rubbed the oil all of his back and his arms and she worked the oil into the back of his thighs and calves. She slipped her hands up under his shorts and she got a hand full of his balls which turned him on even more than he had been already.

He rolled over on one hip so he could free his engorged cock from the pressure of his body. She rubbed the front of his legs and his ankles and she began to suck on his toes one by one. 

He had no idea how sensual it was having your toes sucked on and he wasn’t aware of the nerve that ran from his second toe up to his cock. That nerve once stimulated made both men and women sexually aroused.

She worked her way up his calves to his thighs and she slipped her hand up under his shorts. She stroked his hard cock and she told him she so wanted to fuck the shit out of him. 

She pulled his cock down so she could see the head under his shorts. She slowly licked and sucked on his hardness while she massaged his balls. She was one of those women that was a chef in the kitchen and a slut in the bedroom.

She had him lie on his back and she straddled him on the blanket and she positioned herself so she could move the crotch of her swimsuit aside. She guided his cock inside of her and no one knew she was literally fucking him on the beach.

She moved back and forth and they looked into each others eyes deeply and the connection was undeniable. These two soul mates finally had found what they were searching for and in need of.

She leaned over and kissed him passionately and they began to make out with his cock still inside of her. They moved in unison and both could not hold back the orgasm that would explode inside both of them.