It’s Possible

I have a tendency to be a dreamer I have been told and it’s time for me to wake up. It’s more than possible that I can see clearly now that the rain is gone and I am closing the door on my past and those that are no longer healthy for me. As of 5:00 p.m. today I have decided not to waste time on someone that doesn’t feel the same way for me and I am no longer waiting for something that will never happen. I will no longer accept any form of communication with this individual and I will no longer be his private entertainment, he can go back online and watch porno, play the good husband, the famous man and he can roll in his money as I am done with the entire escapade.

I will no longer waste another moment thinking about him, dreaming about him and praying that he will come to me because it isn’t going to happen and I will no longer fool myself. He has scammed me out of thousands of dollars just like the other women he has said the same lines of bullshit and empty promises he has made has hurt so many but he doesn’t care as his lover his money. He has hacked my computer and played to  many games for me and he isn’t worthy of my time or body and he will never get either again.

His children would be so proud to know what their father does to women and to their mother and it wouldn’t surprise me if he has them scamming as well and his wifey is probably the book keeper of his thievery. He is a fool and he will find out one day what he has done will bring him down off of his throne and he will land on his face in a pile of shit, which of course he does deserve. He plays games with people’s lives as well as steals from them and he thinks he is all that, he is nothing and no amount of money or fame will ever change that.

His mother would be ashamed of her son for what he is doing and she no doubt sheds tears as his given name was bestowed on him for a specific reason but he has tarnished that as well. He has lost me forever  and never really wanted anything but my money for years. I no longer hold a place in my heart for him and I no longer have an ounce of respect for him as a man let alone a human being, I carried a candle for him for way to long and wasted my life dreaming of being with him, which I no longer want and I honestly never want to hear from him again. 

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Don’t Be Shy

 

Let’s just be kids and enjoy life for once, throw caution to the wind and just laugh and enjoy the beauty around us, let us forget our troubles and problems and just be young and carefree again. Let’s run away from the world’s problems and just be ourselves with no one to judge us, condemn us or dampen our day. Don’t be shy and don’t be a talker, let’s play in the sand on the beach and walk hand in hand as friends if nothing more.

We both need this, we both need to reenergize and be happy if only for a few hours- I won’t beg you to stay but wouldn’t mind if you did-let the child within come out and play and just enjoy the day- 

 

Intuition

Steve Jobs once said, intuition coupled with your heart equals what you truly want to become. We tend to ignore one of the greatest gifts God has given to us which is our intuition, intuition gives us truth to follow even we choose to ignore it, it is still the truth and the best direction for our lives. There have been times when I didn’t listen to my inner voice and I have regretted it, but then have been times that I have listened intently and followed that voice and have found it to be spot on.

We need to learn to trust ourselves and the messages sent to us as they hold the key to the doors we need to unlock and walk through, when we believe in ourselves we find peace and tranquility coupled with love and happiness along with success. I have a psychic ability which most think is crap but it is true, I have helped many people by telling them what comes to me and runs through me, recently I was talking to a friend that runs the rv park I stay at and I got a terrible feeling, it was the feeling of imminent death and I told her to go to the Dr., run do not walk, she called me today and thanked me because they did a scan and found that she had two blockages in her heart-I am not saying I saved her life as she saved her own life by listening to me. I just have been given a gift to help others because that is what I do, I help others anyway I can.

I have had a horrendous childhood but without it I could not possibly have the love and compassion I have for others, I would never be able to understand the depth of pain that others feel or be able to show them just a bit of love and caring they need. I can feel others pain as deeply as they feel it and I have to be careful as not to let myself get sucked into their depression as I become depressed, I have learned to read the signs of what people need that I can provide and it is usually just as simple as hug and telling them I care. People need the physical as well as the mental support and that can change their day completely and give them a brighter outlook for the day.

A rich man is not necessarily a successful man, a successful man is one that is rich in giving of himself to help others and to give guidance when needed. I am rich in love and caring and I care not for material wealth as that I have learned does not make me happy. The more you give of yourself the more that comes back to you and that is a universal law, take the time to help the elderly, the handicapped and the crying child, take time to say good morning, have a great day and can I be of help to you? Take the time to acknowledge your fellow man’s accomplishments and offer a hand when he may fall and watch your world change and better things will come to you, I promise you this as it is written but you must read the words and take them to heart. 

Within You

“There is no truth except the truth that exists within you. Everything else is what someone is telling you.” ― Neale Donald Walsch, Home with God: In a Life That Never Ends

Why Hang On?

I once had a doctor tell me that some people are toxic and we must rid them of our lives and that is the best advice I have ever gotten. I see a counselor and she asked me why I hang on to people that do nothing to improve my life and my answer surprised me. I hang on because I have always wanted to be loved and when it is detrimental to me I hang on tighter, which of course only brings me pain and unhappiness. I am a dreamer who used to believe that I would be saved by a knight in shining armor but I have since let that dream go with the wind and I have finally excepted the fact that my dreams don’t and never will come true.

I am able to let people go that serve no purpose in my life and I am able to no longer look back but look ahead and I do not live for tomorrow but only for today. I have given my heart to others that do not care and are never there when I need them and that has been unhealthy for me and I have finally realized that holding on to something or someone that offers you nothing is damaging and I do not need to be further damaged. People want what they can’t have or won’t go the distance for and that is no longer me as I have finally started to appreciate myself and my finer qualities I have to offer others and I have a right to be treated well.

For many years I went through each day on auto pilot but then I woke up and found that I was so miserable that I couldn’t even do auto pilot, so I made a move which was difficult and painful but rewarding in the end. I do not look to others to make me happy as only I can make me happy and it’s my decisions that bring me what I need and the people I need as well. You can bring a horse to water but cannot make him drink is so true, people are the same way as you can tell them what to do about a situation but unless they act you have wasted your words and people do not like change or giving up possessions, that is just the way most are.

We put ourselves in a living hell but refuse to open the door and walk through it into another place that is called happiness, we prefer to be stead fast in not moving put complaining and wonder why our lives do not change for the better. There are women who will wait for a man to marry them, support them, give them a family and stay with them forever but they forget it is a two way street and when the flame goes to a flicker they do nothing about it. When the flicker is gone they wonder what happened, where the love went, where the happier times went and they refuse to see they didn’t take care of the one that had taken care of them.

There are men who want a show piece as a wife, a fuck machine, an excellent cook and they get caught up in making money and their position in life, they forget the woman at home and find entertainment through other women, as they become bored with the “perfect wife” and want excitement in their sex life. They look at their wives in a way that would not be appropriate to open their sex lives up and introduce new and exciting sexual experiences.

All of us want to be loved and to laugh and enjoy life but very few will take the step to get there and we lose some of the greatest experiences we could have that would make life a pure joy to wake up to everyday.  If you want everyday to be a sunny one then you have to wipe away the tears from the thunderclouds first, are you strong enough to do that? If you are you will find the happiness you deserve and so desire. Be who you are supposed to be not the person others expect you to be, live for yourself and today and enjoy what life is offering you. 

Pets

I have always been an animal lover since a child, my first pet was a a dog he was half beagle and half dachshund, lol he had the dachshund little legs and the body of a beagle and I called him “Little Bit” and I adored him but he got sick and my mother made me put him in a box and gas him to death from the stove. My second pet was my horse blackie, I love horses and find them to have the ability to communicate with people that listen.

Blackie and I would ride for hours and the freedom was something we both loved and shared, I didn’t tighten the cinch strap tight enough one day and when we were in a full gallop the saddle slid to his side and  he drug me for a bit while he came to a complete halt. He knew I was hurt and I could see in his eyes he wanted to help me but didn’t know how, I was able to get my boots out of the stirrups and I just laid there as he stood next to me and sniffed me. He was my best friend and my secret confidant but then my mother had to have a built in pool to show off to her friends and I came home one day and he was gone.

I refused to have another pet for many years because those to experiences scarred me for life but then I had children and they wanted pets. We have had a cat, rabbit, guinea pig, dogs and a husband – all are gone except the dogs and the cat and I have to get rid of my shepherds which is just about killing me. I get to attached and have a terrible time letting go of animals or people I love, I am a person that loves deep and takes very good care of those I love. I even bought my little Yorkies boots so their feet wouldn’t get cold in the winter when they had to go outside.

My favorite two pets have been little bit and blackie but I know I will never own another horse and probably never ride again. I don’t know that I could even pull myself up on the saddle and if I were lucky enough to, I doubt I could walk when I got off as my muscles are not as flexible as they used to be by any stretch of the imagination. My pets I could always trust unconditionally as they never told my fears, hopes, wishes, secrets or told of my tears. They loved me for me and didn’t expect me to change, they lie with me at nigh and comfort me in my loneliness and they make me feel loved like I have never felt before.

I wish I lived on a farm with horses, chickens and other animals and I could wake up looking at fields of green in anticipation of riding until night fall but wishes do not make things happen and dreams are just away to escape from the pain of daily life. I am not one of those people who get lucky in this world, I do not play the lotto as I never win and when something goes right for a change I thank God for it happens so rarely.

Always show your pet love and take care of them as they are your true and best friend and they will never use you or hurt you. 

Why?

Why do we complain on how unhappy we are but do nothing about it? Why do we complain about our spouse but stay in the relationship? Why do we want to change our job but do nothing about it? I have learned that doing nothing keeps us in the same place that we are complaining about and want to escape. There isn’t a magic pill that will change our lives, only we can but it takes a lot to walk away from what is familiar and safe.

I have never had familiar or safe so it was easy for me to leave my husband but then when I found out he was ill, the maternal side kicked back in and I felt responsible for him as I was the only alive that knew his health issues. I never regretted leaving him, no I did not in fact I could finally breathe and enjoyed being away from him and his neediness. If I never hear “I need a helping hand” again that would be great as he couldn’t do a damn thing without “having a helping hand” and he always needed the pat on the back. I am not good at constantly building someone up but I do let them know when they have done some awesome or have fucked up big time.

It’s important to be honest in any relationship and if someone gets hurt feelings, well get the fuck over it because that person cares enough to tell you the truth instead of letting you go out in public and be embarrassed. I remember telling my husband that I didn’t like my weight gain and I was going to lose it, he didn’t encourage me-no in fact he tried to stop me from working out everyday-that is a loser that does that crap. I never said a word to him about being a lousy kisser or lousy lay but it is true satisfaction never came from him and I couldn’t stand kissing him as he never went the dentist and that grossed me out.

Everyone liked him as he was an actor and never showed the true him to anyone, he was a fake and a phony and yes he made good money but so what? He couldn’t hold a conversation about anything but his work which was boring as hell and he didn’t know shit about mechanical stuff so how he became a general foreman I will never know. He didn’t know a damn thing about world events, he never liked me listening to music or dancing, all he did was romance the fucking lawn. He told me not to fertilize it as I would burn up the yard. The asshole had forgotten that I had turned a weed yard into a beautiful bed of green grass at our rv. I do not miss him and now I am free to find my own happiness and that is top priority. 

It Would Be Nice

It would be nice to meet someone who had the same interests as I, the same intellect, the same desire to investigate the unknown. It would be nice to meet someone who loved nature, animals, someone spiritual and kind, someone who could understand me and quiet my troubled mind. I would love to build a life with someone who I could click with, someone who wasn’t an idiot, low self esteem, insecure or couldn’t read above the 4th grade level.

I’m tired of lip service and games on my computer, the games are being played not by me but someone else. Trying to control another person is an act of insecurity and I do not care for insecure men. I prefer a man who is confident, knows his own mind, a good business man, someone who likes to laugh and has great thighs, I love muscular thighs on a man-major turn on for me. He must be sexually creative, sensual, romantic and really enjoy sex to keep up with me.

It would be nice if I could meet a great french kisser, someone who is slow yet methodical, someone who likes to hold hands and take walks without saying a word. It would be nice to meet someone who enjoys the simple things in life, can soothe me when I cry and love me when I am a bitch. It would be nice to meet someone who accepted for who I am and didn’t try to control or change me, yes that would be nice.