Tiny Bubbles

I finally got my social security check and can pay the bills, the electric was going to be shut off tomorrow and no I was not going to ask for his help. Then my son decides he’s a big “pusherman” and takes all the fucking money I have and gives it to his fucking “dealer”, who of course got pulled over for speeding and now I AM FUCKED, SO GODDAMN FUCKED, he started to tell me about his buddy being pulled over for speeding but neglected to tell me the part that involved ME. I don’t deal with punks and had my cash and that’s all I cared about but then the fucker tells me he went in my purse and took all my money and gave it to them!!!!!!! GODDAMN, GODDAMN, GODDAMN so I slapped him and almost punched him in the face.

He started crying like a baby and said he was going to go kill himself and ran out the door. It’s a damn good thing he’s going to do it before I do but now he’s got me in the same frame of mind as I look at the bottle of painkillers and xanax and I feel nothing. I feel not one goddamn emotion but I do wonder what evil I have done to live with such karma, it is time to go lie on the bed with my bottles and water and pray for eternal peace.

I have access to the resources I need but I will not sell myself to anyone at any price and my children are killing me slowly but today, today was the last nail in my coffin. My own child has smothered me because he knows it the fuck all. Fucking punks all of them think they know so much about weed, fucking assholes don’t realize they are know not a mother fucking thing, weed by any other name is weed, the scientific is genus and you are not fucking “cool” because you now know the word trichomes but the little fuckers think they are now all knowing. 

Everything changes yet stays the same and life is a complete circle, it just continues to go around in different shades of the same color. This is true with everything in life from weed to clothes, what I wore in high school is now becoming fashionable again, I smoked weed in high school and this time around it’s sold as Sativa and Indica same shit, scientific name. So here I sit without an ounce of hope or weed and not anyone in site that loves me, because I have pushed them away and for their own good. I am toxic and the level seems to rise daily and I have gotten on my knees crying into my couch asking God what did I do that was so evil to bring so much pain upon myself? What?

I just completely lost it, destroyed a 52″ tv I don’t fucking care my husband bought it, at this point I am more of a burden to this earth than someone that can change the world. I cannot change today, this moment in time or stop the wheels my son has put in motion. I do not want to die, I just do not want to live anymore for what my son has done is to reach into my chest with scissor hands and cut out my heart, watched it beat and crushed it. The pain I feel at this very moment is deeper and darker then any I have ever felt, the betrayal of my own child makes me puke and which I had ripped out my own womb before he had been born.

This is what my husband has left me with, he ruined my son and I am left to try to recover what is left and I am not doing so well, why the fuck didn’t that bastard die after Ryan was born? Why was he given enough years to do unremarkable damage and then go his merry fucking way? Tell me, someone please? Do not even recommend a priest, those pedophilia mother fuckers I have no use for and my son feels like I violated him, fuck him in his eyes I’m just the dumbass mom and he the wise one, he is not the man of the house, hell he doesn’t know what a man it. Just because you have a cock makes not a man, I am more of a man then my husband could of ever thought of being the only thing I dont have is a cock, which could easily be obtained and strapped on.

Working

I’m working on myself by eliminating the negative shit that holds me back, how I do that does not concern you-only me and I cannot begin to heal until the slate is clear so back the fuck off and let me evolve. Kimberly

“I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.” ― Marilyn Monroe

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ― Marilyn Monroe

Fuck Me Come Friday

So, you want to fuck me? Really, want to fuck me? Fine, fuck me come Friday between 8-11 p.m. happy now you’re on the schedule. You think I’m sexy, erotic, mysterious and sensual? Goddamn right I am and I wear it well and do not apologize. Take your six carat ring and put it on your cock, maybe the next bitch that sux you off will be rewarded well. Diamonds, emeralds and pearls are suppose to entice me? Fuck you, entice me with a fresh picked tomato, entice me with physical affection not emotional rejection.

Designer can suck my dick and so can you ’cause I’m not sure if I want to marry you, so there. You can’t control my life with material shit and my mind, I can’t even control. Assumption will lead you to a dead end road and control will never lead you to the summit, so am told. Do not pull the power play on me because I’m the gas that your motor needs and there are no free fill-ups. The moment you tried to push me into the “wife box” is the moment you pushed me out of your life.

You will never ride me like a wave runner or  sleep beside me permanently, never going to happen as I am not your filly, your lady in waiting, your semen sampler. I have no desire to have more material shit, the seduction of a gift is lost on me as I want for nothing tangible. I want for nothing that does not come from the heart, soil or God and that will never change, I don not need the best nor desire it.  I need help without a doubt, the house is to big, the kids, well let’s not go there, wonder if chinese food sticks to the walls in an artful fashion, might be interesting to see their reaction on that one, no holds barred as I am capable of any act other then physical violence, that’s a lie I would not think twice about running my sister over, backing up and spitting on her and peel out on her body, cunt, bitch, fuckwad, grandmother killer.

I learned very young about greed, my sister taught me well, yes she did as I watched that greedy cunt hide food from my brother and myself. Everything was about her, for her or she took, cunt. I of course, was always there to dig her out financially, cunt. She has done things even the devil isn’t capable of, cunt-hairless fucking cunt without an ounce of compassion, cunt, cunt, cunt and I will say it again, CUNT. I look at her and can see God is fallible, look at the mistake he made, now that bitch should have been a “hanger baby.”

 I am the keeper of the souls, nurse to the dying and the one always rejected until the end, the end is where I am, always. I am the one that will not allow my family to die in a nursing home, no they will not and have not. I bring my family home to die, my sister let’s them die and lie on a cold slab unclaimed, what a cunt. The words ring louder than a church bell in my head of apologizes for not believing in me, it is ok-it’s God’s way.  He has a plan that is in motion and there’s a whole lot of karma going on and you can run, always run but never hide and ya it’s gonna get ya bitch just wait and see.

The last five years of my life I have watched each and every family member die accept the two most evil of ones and that is no coincidence.  Balance, the world requires balance, we require balance there must be evil for good to prevail and that is why my mother and sister have not gone to hell. They are here for the sole purpose of spreading hate, which is fine because without people like them, people like me cannot  learn the deeper meaning of truth and life. I do not need to get fucked over to feel or learn, but I’m beginning to think I do as that is when I learn the deepest of truth’s about myself.

I do not know myself and never will, which is a good thing because I am ever evolving, growing, changing as it should be and if I come to know myself then life has stopped – who I am today is not who I will be tomorrow. I am waiting for my personal angel to sit my ass down and give me a cornucopia, teach me how to climb the tree of life and save sad souls, I am waiting for my angel to show me a new light, a new dawn, a new way.

I live in the wrong country I am sure as I live in the wrong time as I was reminded at the airport. I had returned from bullshit business in florida, I hate that damn state and as I waited curbside for my daughter to pick me up. An elderly lady was carrying her bag to the curb as the gentleman got out of the car I gently took her bag from her and put it in back seat. The gentleman came around the back of the car and handed me a $10 spot and I looked at it with distaste, no I did not accept it but looking back that would be an easy way to get some cash. 

This is the world we live in, I can’t even help someone without money in the mix, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?