I hope I have touched you in some way and made you look at the world differently and want more for yourself, not materialistically but spiritually and emotionally. I have tried to feed your heart and mind by sharing my life experiences and maybe, just maybe you will find that you are not where you want to be and you make a change for the better. All of us have good in us and all of us want to be happy but very few have the guts to take the steps needed to change our standing in this world.

Sometimes, we don’t get the opportunity to make changes as they are made for us and I am a prime example and do not regret a single day of my life no matter how hard or challenging. Unwanted change can be terrifying but as I have found it also can be quite liberating and rewarding. When you can walk away from every material thing you  have and it does not affect you in the least then you will find that you are truly free as I have. It feels fantastic not to be controlled by material things and those that are afraid of losing those things have lost site of what is really important in life.

We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing and the only true memories we have that never leave us are the memories of loving and being loved. I am walking away from my home shortly and I feel no loss, no sadness and I shed no tears as I know it is nothing but shelter. I would rather be on in the jungle living under large leaves as shelter with someone I love and they love me back then to live in a mansion with someone and it feels like two ships passing in the night.

I’m sure many people look at me as a fat, old, bitchy, unhappy lady and that is fine because I care not what others think of me because they no not what is in my heart or the true beliefs I carry within me. Appearances are so deceiving as I have learned and all you have to be is nice to me and I will return it tenfold and if the chemistry is right an ever lasting friendship is forged. To all the readers of my blog please have a safe and happy holiday and remember to show those that you love that you do love them, demonstrate it with a hug and tell them as tomorrow may not be yours to share. 

Tears of a Clown

My son thinks he is coming home when he leaves the hospital but this is not so, he will be in foster care for the rest of the summer I do believe and that is exactly what he needs. He needs to learn respect and learn that he is not all knowing and all wise. My daughter just called me and she is crying and it hurts me so but this is good for her as well as these kids have been spoiled and this is opening their eyes to the way the world really is. 

The system is really messed up, if one child is taken away they take all the children regardless if they are involved or not. This isn’t fair but it’s the system and the social workers do not know their job and I refuse to do it for them. They wanted me to drive to Pontiac to sign paperwork to have my son admitted to the hospital and I told them I didn’t have the gas and I had taken Norco, which is a pain reliever and I could not drive. She had to drive my son to Pontiac drive back to my home to get me to sign the paperwork and then drive back to Pontiac, not my problem they took my son and I am not going out of my way as that is their job.

As much as it hurts my heart this is a necessity that my family needs and I see it as a blessing not a punishment and I have told my daughter the way I feel and I try to reinforce the positive of this situation but she has yet to see it, which is understandable. This is very hard on her but I have no doubt it will have a positive change on how she views the world, me and the way we live. Both kids have been given so much and they no longer appreciate it and I do believe that will change after this experience.

As parents we want to give our children what we didn’t have and that is one huge mistake we make as they do not appreciate what other kids would be thrilled to have. We work hard to give our children all the material crap that we can and we do not give them what is really important. Children need to have a form of God in their lives and I being Catholic have a great belief and respect for our Lord, I am not Lilly white nor pure but my heart is when it comes to following the path that God has laid before me.

We are not on earth to be unhappy, no we are hear to learn and teach each other and hopefully the world will change just like clothing. Clothes come in style and go out and come back in as everything else in the world does. Look at the economy at present, it was the same way in the late seventies early eighties and that is the way of the world as it makes a complete circle and the cycle starts over again. If we continue the way we are going the youth of today will destroy the world through their greed and envy and that is why it is so important to bring God into our homes and into the lives of our children.

My son thinks he is so smart and he has the personality of a clown in many ways but the boy will have tears of a clown before this is over with and he will learn quite a few valuable lessons that will help him in his future. I love my kids and I love my son but I cannot open his eyes so he must live through several major life changing experiences to wake up and realize how damn lucky he has been in so many ways. Yes my husband let him down and that is part of his lot to live with as my past is mine to live with. We will be a family again and we will be strong and have healthy relationships and respect for one another and I thank God for bringing closure to so much crap that has been hanging around like a smoke-filled room.