He promised he would be here this weekend and true to his lies he did not show up and that sealed his fate with me. I can no longer deal with his lies and false promises and it’s catch and release time, releasing him.
He has hurt me so many times and I just kept going back for more but not this time. I have had to many losses and can’t deal with anymore and I believed in him and loved him with all my heart.
I have taken my heart back and not looking back even though he will continue to play his control games and mess with me. I do not now how I have survived this long with everything that has happened but I have and I’m ready to move on in a positive direction.
I hadn’t been able to see how screwed up I have been until I was away from the kids and all the crap I have been dealing with. I have taken off the rose colored glasses and see very clearly what I need to do to be happy.
Bury the guilt, anger and relationships that are dead end and look towards the freedom of the sea of my life. I’m glad I am talking to my sister again as I have been so angry at her for so long and that was only hurting me.
As far as him, well he called yesterday and his stock reply is always the same, I’m running out of call credits and will call you back, which he never does and I guess he things the sound of his voice will keep me hanging on at least by a thread.
I will no longer wait and I will no longer dream of him and I as I am no longer a fool in love but a woman waiting for the right man to love me. I have a hell of a lot to offer, maybe not financially but in other ways and one day a lucky guy will knock on my door and find a woman that is unique in many ways and he will find himself the center of my world.
I could really have used his help bad this weekend but of course he is a no show and I am not surprised one bit. I could really use his help today but that isn’t going to happen so I must continue on and get things done, again by myself.
It’s already too late for him but one day he will realize he had a wonderful woman that loved him for himself and not his fame and fortune. One day he will open his eyes and see he could have had it all but he blew it. One day it is going to hit him what he had done to her and he will regret it for eternity.
His problem is he is a strong personality and needs a strong woman to keep him in line and tell him when he’s screwing up and be honest with him. When we are married for a long time, our spouse becomes comfortable and no longer sees us for who we are, they no longer want to have sex, romance and take the love that has been built for granted.
If you provide them a certain lifestyle they always want bigger and better and they get caught up in the “Jones” competition. Most women love diamonds, jewelry, clothes, furs ect but not me, I am the odd man out as all I want is to love and be loved, have a roof over my head, food, and clothing so I don’t get arrested.
It’s nice to be at my rv and walk around naked as I feel so free and somewhat carefree. It doesn’t matter to me what I look like naked because I just don’t bother to look and enjoy the freedom.
I wish he would knock on my door today and tell me loves me but that won’t happen and I won’t even pray for it to. I just hope he knows that there is someone that loves him for him and wishes him well in his life and hopefully he will remember me fondly as it is a definite farewell.