Breath

I awoke to the view of institutional white walls as I laid on the mat and thought of my son and how I missed him so and how worried I was about him. I had gotten myself into another mess and had just been sentenced to six months probation, five hundred dollars in fines, fifteen hours of community service and parenting classes. I slapped my son for being involved with drugs and stealing four hundred and twenty dollars out of my purse, this was all the money I had for bills and food.

Then the next day I had been given the ok by the courts to enter my dad’s home and the police arrested me and I have been in jail since then. My daughter and her boyfriend gave away my dogs except the german shepherds and now I have nothing to want to live for. I do not want my kids back and will not fight for them next month, the dogs were all I had but my daughter thinks she knows what is best for me and I am sick of it.

I am sick of being alone and have no desire to want to take another breath as I look at the bottle of pills lined up on the coffee table. It takes no effort to open the bottles and poor the pills down my throat and no one will miss me anyway, there is no love in my life and never will be and there is no point in living an empty life. I have been ripped off and played the fool for too many years and even he doesn’t really give a fuck and I know that but have refused to accept it.

I have accepted it all now, I mean nothing to nobody and have no desire to continue living in the hell that I am in.