Floating

It’s a quiet hot evening as I listen to the crickets chirp and the fan blow, I am not one for central air even though I have it. I listen to someone shooting off fireworks in the distance and it is not yet the fourth of July, a time of celebration for most but not for myself. I sit alone and wonder about him and where and who he is with which leaves my heart sad and lonely as I so want to be with him but obviously he not with me.

I want so badly to hold him and kiss him, to share my sorrow and laughter and to share his as well but those are days not to come and dreams that will never appear to come true. He has no idea how my heart aches for him and I doubt that he cares. Why can I not let go of this man? Why can I not forget him and find another? It’s because I believe that we are meant to be together for eternity and I cannot let that go, no I cannot let him go and this makes my life empty and I hate it.

He doesn’t realize I am a woman with needs that most women set aside and think not of and no longer have desires that they once had in their youth. I am a woman who needs this man and his strength as well as his gentleness and to leave me in a bottle floating upon the sea is not being kind and loving to me. I do not know if he even loves me but I assume he does which makes me a bigger fool then most women as I really believe in my heart of hearts that he does love me and wants to share his life with me.

A life without love is a lonely place to live and that is where I live without him and I wish he could see that and maybe he does and just wants me to move on and forget him. No matter how hard I try I cannot and I cannot find a man with his salt to replace the emptiness in my heart and that is no way for a woman to live. He leaves me breathless and wanting him every second of everyday but he never appears or calls he never emails and I doubt he thinks of me often. I am the forgotten one that filled his pocket at one time and emptied my own to help him and I mean nothing and am nobody to him and this hurts so bad.