I love wild flowers but find the white orchid to be an especially beautiful flower, so many prefer the orchids of color but I find the white orchid to carry special meaning. The white orchid is pure, it is a sturdy flower grown by the right hands and few have those, the body is strong and flower delicate like the man I carry within my heart. I have protected myself by lashing out and hurting him as he has hurt me but like the orchid, he is still strong yet delicate at heart as the flower.
He doesn’t realize that I am ultra sensitive and so damn easily hurt, lieing is the ultimate form of betrayal to me and I have been betrayed my entire life. It is not fair to expect him to know the delicate person I really am as I hide behind strength. I am strong but not nearly as strong as I lead others to believe, it is my safety net to protect myself from others harsh words and actions that tear me down and destroy my core.
He doesn’t know that what I say is true, he doesn’t know if I am a liar or a cheat which I am neither but he has no way of knowing for sure as we have not spent a single moment together. I assume he is all male and has quenched his sexual thirst with famous as well as random women and I am not famous nor ever will be or desire it and I am not random and cannot allow myself to be either. He has no clue how I really feel about him as a person and I trip him up every chance I get.
I know a man in his youth gets full of himself as does a woman, they become self-absorbed and take advantage of the power bestowed on them through the gift God has placed within them. They spend foolishly, fuck frequently without a thought, names and faces do not become one as they have used their user, they look in the mirror and are so proud of who and what they have become. Boys grow up into men that realize that using their users is unproductive and they begin to despise their standing in life as it has robbed them of their privacy.
The man begins to hold tightly to who he once was as age takes away his fame and beauty, he begins to see himself as the man he will become in age and tries desperately to find the woman who wants him for himself and he discovers this to be a very long and tedious task. He no longer wants to fuck but to make love to the woman that builds him up and tears him down when need be, he wishes to be understood instead of relishing in being misunderstood and mysterious.
He wants love, peace, freedom, privacy-he wants the quiet walks on the beach, holding hands, slow passionate kissing, and making love to the woman that will care for him when he is old and frail. Long gone are the dreams of wealth, fancy homes, fast cars and fast women. The man I love is giving, caring, loving, considerate and kind he is far from in love with himself but in love with others through helping them and making their lives better.
The man I love is sensitive, creative, artistic he is special to me and to the world as he is an angel from heaven not an angel just in my mind. I adore him, respect him, admire him and have learned from him. He has filled a void in my life I thought to be unfillable and I thank God everyday I was fortunate enough to experience his tenderness through words first and I pray through his arms eventually. He is my white orchid and the impact he has made on my life will stay with me even if we never meet, I love my white orchid unconditionally.