There are things I cannot share with you as they are yet to come and I want to surprise you. What I have is yours, which is very little and would mean nothing to you as they mean nothing to me and I would gladly walk away from what little I have but I cannot because of my children. You would find both of my kids to be funny, witful and very mature for their ages as I raised them that way and they are very polite as well, which I am not as you know.

I call it like I see it and would have it no other way and I am not rude to others unless it is warranted and deserved. I want to be with no other but you and that will never change as you are the one and only for me, it takes a hell of a man to turn my head but you have turned me into Linda Blair in the “Exorcist” except I’m not nearly that scary I would hope. I want to lie in your arms and watch movies, eat popcorn and grab you when I get the shit scared out of me.

I want to share all the special things I have shared with no one and I want to worship your body, yes I know I am over sexed but I cannot help it and every letter I type I think of you and I  making love. I am constantly in a state of arousal because I am thinking of you constantly and you never leave my mind long enough for me to get shit done. I am wildly, insanely in love with you and if you think that isn’t special then you do not know me at all.

I have not dated anyone of interest, a random meal, mildly entertaining conversation at best is all I have had and no I have had no desire to continue seeing anyone on  an ongoing basis. I have had sex once in three years and it was a huge letdown for me. I cannot make love to anyone but you because you own me lock, stock and barrel and it pisses me off because when I try to see other men I have no desire or wish to be with them for more than a few hours.

I know you have been with numerous women and that is to be expected but I am hoping that I am different to you and I am special and do not fall into the “fuck” category as the others. I am not going to attempt to make myself out to be more than I am because you would eventually find out the truth so why begin by lying too you? I see no point in ever lying to you because that is what destroys what is good and I will never do that. I have the ability to make you a “super star” if that is what you would like but you must remember I cannot make you anything you don’t want to be and you are the gifted one in the eye of others.

I know I am not the type of woman you are used to being with and I do not regret that one bit nor do I wish to be like them as I am quite comfortable with who I am in this life. God made me for one special man and that man is you and that will never change no matter what you may think. I am sure you are gun shy and afraid of getting hurt but so am I and I do not believe either of us wants to hurt the other. I do not want you buying me gifts or building me huge houses, I just want your arms around me and your sweet loving kisses, our bodies becoming one and keeping each other happy, healthy and safe.

If you don’t marry me soon I am going to track you down and use you as a soccer net, kicking the ball at you over and over leaving you bloody and bruised! You cannot leave a gem like me on the ground for long as someone else will try to pick me up, do you really want that to happen? Pick me up and carry me to bed and make sweet, passionate love to me and the only thing I regret is that I haven’t had you in my life sooner so we could of had a child together, but I can’t have all my dreams come true now can I? 


I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you and we have never met which is really odd. I want to spend every hour of every day knowing that I will going to bed with you and waking up with you. I want to take care of you when you are ill and I want to feed you in bed. I want to cook for you and make love to you whenever and wherever we can and want to. I want to cheer you on and watch you compete in life and I want us to be best friends and share our hopes, dreams and wishes together.

I want to help you be what you want to be and I want to walk in the rain with you, I want to see you smile and hear you laugh, I want you happy. I want us to build a life together that is unique and special for us and us alone. I want to be part of your world and you mine. I want to help you become wealthy again because that is what you like and no I do not want to be in the spotlight but prefer to stand behind you and help you face the world.

I do not want to shout to the world our private lives or share any part of our personal life with anyone but I do want you to know the love I have for you is pure without any malice or desires other than to be with you. You make me who I am and you have opened so many doors for me without knowing it. No, I have not financially benefited but I have benefited in more ways than you could ever imagine. You have changed my life like no one has ever even tried and you have made me see myself through different eyes.

I have been working very hard on myself and putting to rest the things that have haunted me, I will be in counseling for a while but that is a good thing because I do not want to bring baggage to your doorstep. I want what you want and want to watch you from the sidelines. Let me give you all you may ever want or need and let me love you unconditionally. I love you beyond words and want to meet you in any country on any day of any year and marry you and become your wife.

I never took my husband’s last name because we did not love each other but if you would allow me I would be honored to take your last name. I do not make this commitment lightly to you. I will sign a prenuptial agreement if you like and I will never question why. I am not a woman who wants for much so you can ease any of your fears of me taking away what you have worked so hard for. I do not a fancy wedding with an expensive gown, I do not a fancy reception with rich foods and wines, I only need you for the rest of my life.

You have not even come close to your full potential and I want to see you become the man you should be, you are so respected by so many and it is time to use what you have learned. Yes, the horses is a good place to start as it keeps you in the right circles but you are no longer capitalizing on yourself as you should be. I will never let you settle for second best as that is not you and no longer needs to be. I love you the way a woman should love a man, not for who he is but for the man inside that you are.

You are special and don’t ever forget it, do not I say special as in this world as I do not, you are special beyond this world and no man can ever compare to you. You cannot see what I see because you do not have the eyes God has given me and you have wings my love, yes you do and you shall fly not as you did but higher and more graceful, you are blessed in ways you have no idea of and things are coming your way you have yet to have any plans of. Your world is morphing into something that will astound even you. Please say you will marry me and let me be part of what is yet to come to you.  


It’s so hard for me to say what I really feel and I joke around a lot because it hides my embarrassment for lack of words. When someone means everything to me I just can’t express myself enough through words and need to show them through our bodies. I am a slow mover when it comes to expressing myself physically, every move I make is slow and calculated and I put every ounce of sexual appeal I have into it. I like to kiss slowly on the forehead then the eye lids, the nose and each cheek. 

I like to kiss and lick the ears and the neck moving my way up the throat to the lips and slowly kissing the lips lightly and then french kissing. Deep french kisses are exciting to me while my hands roam the length of the body. I enjoy the feeling of skin on skin and the dimple in the side of the ass, I like the feel of strong thighs and calves and I like to massage the male body with warm scented oils after a long hot shower. Touching the body softly is so erotic as is starting with the feet and sucking on toes as there is a nerve that shoots straight up the leg to the groin and it causes instead erections.

The male body is sexy especially when the chest, and crotch area are shaved and tanned and to slowly massage the back of the calves and thighs up over the ass and back should be done slowly and with care. I like to do this naked and let my nipples touch the backside and then all of my breasts as I lie naked on his backside kissing the back of his neck. This is romantic to me and I enjoy doing it on a king size bed with a sliding glass door open listening to ocean.

I like to turn him over and interlock our hands and move our arms over his head as I look into his eyes and rub my wetness on his chest. I am not one to want to be entered quickly and I take my time moving back and fourth slowly on him. When I hear the right tone of moan I then like to slip his hardness into my sea of wetness, once again slowly inch by inch until he is totally submerged. I like to move up and down and back and fourth watching his face and the look in his eyes as I am swallowed up into him and we become one. 


Take this petal from my hand as I share with you a piece of the land. There is nothing stronger than the petal of a flower even though it is so easily crushed with one hand.

Take this petal from my lips as it is all I wish to kiss you with. There is nothing more defiant then the petal of a flower even though it gives with the wind.

Take this petal from my eyes as it is all I wish to see you with. There is nothing more moist then the petal of a flower after the morning dew has dried.

Take this petal from my heart as it is all I wish for you. There is nothing more loving than the petal of a flower when your tears overcome you emotionally.

Take this petal from my soul as it is part of me. There is nothing more important than the petal of a flower as it speaks volumes.

Take this petal from my mind as it fills your questions. There is nothing more a person can give to you but their true thoughts.

Take this petal and think of me when you are lonely. There is nothing more  soothing than to know someone thinks of you constantly and loves you.

desde el corazón

I want so badly to help the starving and sick children of this world and to walk hand in hand with them listening to their fears and what makes them happy, what makes them sad.

I so badly to not just help others but to live among them and see how I can help change their lives for the better. It hurts me so to see the children of this world suffer relentlessly while I sit in a huge fucking house by myself.

I want to give of myself, work beside them and show them that I am no one special and would gladly give my last dime so they could drink untainted waters.

I have lived a terrible life but nothing compared to the children of the world,  I do not have the ability to help them they way they need help because I have chosen to give all my money to children with cancer in the States.

I am far from through and I know I will never stop helping others as God has a great plan for me, which includes helping the children. It makes no difference what country as long as I am making changes for the better.

I can live without air conditioning and unlimited amounts of food and beverages. I do not want what most people do because God chose me for a special purpose. Yes, I have been chosen and you may think I am a fool to think such a thing.

I am not vane and have no problem with getting dirty and sweaty just as long as I don’t have to wear panties I am fine in any environment as I am quite adaptable.

I have lived quite well and I have been dirt poor which has made it easy to see both sides of the fence. Frankly, I prefer to be dirt poor because there are less problems and you know who really loves you and who doesn’t.

If I could leave the states I would be on a plane to Nigeria this second to help the children and families as I have a great interest in teaching them how to take care of themselves quite inexpensively.

I have taken an interest into studying how to use what is available to build homes and I will continue to teach myself how to help others. Many say I am wasting my time and should help here at home.

Home is where the heart is and mine is with every man, woman and child that needs what I can offer them. When I was in Mexico the children would walk up saying chicklet, chicklet and selling gum for food.

I love Mexico and have returned numerous times because I enjoy it so much. I want to discover other Latin coutries but am not bilingual and to be taught spanish in school isn’t the way to learn it.

 I want to learn spanish the way it is spoken and understood not the way it is taught in the states. I want to give, give, give and one day I will have money like I had and I can give it away in a pinata and watch the children gasp with pleasure.

 Para dar de la bolsa no significa nada si no viene desde el corazón


belle pour moi

I looked at the picture and the strength in his thighs

The picture made me weak and I’m a tellin’ no lies

The look on his face

Made it plain to see

He felt accomplished

The way a man should be

He was wearing red

And on one knee

I wanted him so badly

I wanted to pee

He is a gorgeous man

Only to me

Because I see his heart

Not the beauty others see

He cried real tears

And has real fears

But he is a God

To so many

But just a man to me

He is the perfect man

Strong yet gentle

Harmonious yet defiant

Says his mind but hurts no one

Stands up for his beliefs

Even when it isn’t fun

He is a giver

That helps so many

Even though he no

Longer has plenty

If others could only

See the real man

They would envy

His secret plan

He will always be to me

 belle pour moi



I’m Aware

I do not think I am better then anyone else even though you may think I think that and I already know I am a pathetic person that has numerous flaws in fact too many to even count.

I am also painfully aware that I fuck up when I am writing because I say “I” instead of “you” or “he” ect. I am no world class writer and never thought I could be, so yes I am a loser and know it quite frankly.

I also am aware that I am not good enough for you as I am severely flawed and always will be. I am nothing but dirt under your feet and you never have to remind me that I will never be as good as you have been with, I will never be as beautiful, talented or gifted.

I have been nothing more to you but a piece of lint on your shirt that you have flicked off with great distaste. I have not fooled myself for one second that you could possibly like me let alone love me.

I have a bit of news for you, I don’t care what you think and never will because I think the world of you and that’s what is important to me. I love the way you listen to me, the concern in your voice, how you feel my pain when I cry.

I love to hear you laugh as I hear it so rarely and I love your smile. I love you because you have been my guiding light, my support system, my friend.

We are destined to be together one day, maybe not on earth but we are destined to be together never the less. You can pick me apart and leave nothing but bones and that is ok because I have been picked apart by the best and I am still standing.

You could never hurt me the way my own mother has so sorry go ahead and give it your best shot as the competition has been tougher then you are capable of, it’s just not in you to be hateful and mean even when you are hurt.

This is not to say you don’t try because you do but it’s such a foreign emotion to you and you express your hurt through what you consider to be very stripping angry words. Was I hurt? Of course I was but then again it takes so little to hurt me that I’m not a worthy target of your time.

If I wanted to destroy you with words I could do it so easily but I choose not to want to destroy you but to build you up because you have earned it. You have worked damned hard to get a “name” and you had it all.

All the material shit a man could ever want but you chose to live instead of die in a relationship that you out grew, you both out grew. You seem to forget the first few times we talked I told you that you were married and you denied it, I also told you this woman wanted to destroy you and you just laughed at me.

Well, she did destroy you but that is good because she destroyed the boy and the man came out. A man of devine wisdom and strength and you are rebuilding yourself and will one day have more money then you had the first time around and more love then you thought possible.

 So please go ahead and tear me apart if it makes you feel better because you cannot damage someone already damaged. I am working on me and trying to put a patch over the damaged areas but sometimes you just can’t patch the part that has been hurt so deeply you bleed to death, as I have.


Hide Behind

I wear sunglasses all the time to hide my soul as the eyes are the windows of the soul and people can see what is in your heart and mind and I do not wish to share my deepest darkest secrets and fears with just anyone, only one.

I chose to hide behind sunglasses because I feel safe and secure from the evil that surrounds me everyday and those that chose to harm me anyway they can because they can. I am not a weak woman but I am also not without an easily hurt heart and so very vulnerable to those that enjoy causing me pain.

To look at me you would think I am hiding wrinkles but this is far from the truth as I have no wrinkles and have aged quite gracefully, where others look like a muslim shirt fresh out of the washing machine.

I like sunglasses because I can observe people without them knowing it and people are so fascinating in and out of their element. Human beings do the darnest things when they are unaware of being observed.

They pick their nose, scratch their ass, steal, flirt, try to act sophisticated lol, and they trip and fall which I am famous for as I trip over a crack in the sidewalk.

Did you ever watch a couple with ice cream cones? You can always tell new love from old because the new lovers always lick the ice cream like they are licking each other’s bodies, while the old lovers lick it because it’s to be licked without showing a bit of sexual innuendo what so ever.

Which brings me to one of the reasons relationships tend to fail, people quit flirting with each other and in any relationship you need to flirt constantly with each other to keep the relationship exciting.

Personally, I love to flirt because it makes me feel sexy and I like to make other’s feel good. Men love to be flirted with because they aren’t getting any attention at home and flirting with a man makes me feel all woman.

It doesn’t mean I want them in any way shape or form it’s just a head trip for the both of us that is it in a nutshell. No, I’m not interested in taking flirting any further but it is so much fun and makes me feel good about myself.

I have always been a flirt in a subdued way but that is the kind of flirt that is so wanted by so many. I don’t need to make it in your face obvious as that takes away so much from it. Keeping it low keyed is what is so fun about it but yet definitely brings about the attention one needs.

Flirting is what has caused me to break off every relationship I have ever been in. The man I am with gets so much damn attention he should never feel unwanted or jealous but they all seem to have a jealousy issue.

If I wanted to make them jealous believe you me I damn well could so easily. I so enjoy flirting in a a relationship because it’s roll playing and exciting for me. I like to pretend that I really don’t know him that well and take him home and fuck the shit out of him.

The men I have been with do not understand the importance of flirting and how it is essential in a relationship. Men flirt before they get you then when they have you out the window goes the flirting.

I used to flirt with my husband and he looked at me like I was crazy and told me to stop it, he told me to stop a lot of things and that’s why our marriage sucked.

If I ever find a man that I can have a great relationship ship and I want to marry he will have to love flirting, good food and great sex and he must be intelligent and enjoy traveling because I will definitely be taking him around the world on a daily basis. Mwwwahhhhh