I picked up Janet this morning and we had breakfast and then came back to the house and cleaned the garage, Janet is wonderful and I love her like a mother I never had. Janet listens to me and she has noticed the change in me since my meds were adjusted, she says I am so much calmer and seem to be at peace and I am. It is difficult to fina a good doctor but when you finally do your entire world changes for the better as mine has. My children even have noticed the change in me and I am happy for that as things have been so tough do to the wrong meds for so long.
I got my mamogram results back today and they came back good which I expected with these big ass watermelons but it’s the ultra sounds that I am concerned about and waiting for those results, which hopefully will come back good. I see the doctor on the seventeenth about my colonoscopy and I will schedule it at that time, been to the dentist got a cavity refilled and teeth cleaned so I am basically good to go for six months. I have to take care of myself for the kids have no one but me and I need to keep up on all the exams and required health check ups.
I have noticed that I have put all these things off because I didn’t care about myself for so long but that all changed and I once again care about myself and have to do the right thing if not for myself my kids. Being a single parent is draining at times and I wish they had a father figure but they don’t and it’s my responsability to care for them and I do. The one thing they have learned is their mom is a great cook and most parents aren’t even home or the kids are eating frozen food all the time.
My son is always bragging about how well I cook and that makes me feel good because they actually notice I am different from most moms. I do not think I am a better parent then others but I do try to teach my kids the importance of eating good food and not becoming McDonald junkies and they are not. My son loves chicken fingers and I make mine from scratch as most food I prepare and he no longer will eat at McDonalds unless necessary.
I miss my children so much my heart aches and I cry every day but they are coming home soon which I am thrilled about that. It hurts when you are accused of being a bad parent especially when it isn’t true. I will be so damn happy to have them in my arms again. I am concerned about the man I am in love with because he says he isn’t married and doesn’t have any children and I do not think this is a good thing because he has no experience with children on a regular basis and this could cause a lot of problems and I do not think I can do that to my children or myself.
It would be so much easier if he had children because he could understand why I chose to do the things I do and only a parent can understand another parents motives. I really need to be involved with a man that understands children and being involved with someone that has no clue will not build a good family base and that concerns me greatly. There are times that you need just to hang with your kids without your partner around and I doubt he would understand that and start getting angry and feeling insecure.
It’s important to spend one on one time with the kids, going to the movies, out to dinner or just for a drive as they need to feel important because they are important, more important than any man ever could as I will not sacrifice a moment with my kids for any man, absolutely not. They will grow up and be gone before to long and I won’t miss a minute of their lives as they are almost out the door, which is hard for me to accept but must.
I have watched women put men before their kids and it made me sick as all they did was complain about their kids, I have always loved spending time with my kids and always loved when they were home for a holiday or summer vacation. I cannot understand not wanting to be with your children, I just cannot as we bring them into this world and we should never get “tired” of them but love them and I love my kids unconditionally. Yes I have been very angry at them but have never quit loving them and never will.
I would never want anyone to put me first before their children, on occasion is one thing but on a daily basis absolutely not and if that were to happen then that would be the demise of the relationship as I would have no respect for him and I would feel so bad for his children. Hopefully, if and when I ever do remarry, he has children and has a good relationship with them because a parent with a bad relationship with his children is not a person I want to spend my life with.