Fair To Them

Being a child of divorced parents isn’t easy and it also isn’t easy being the children who have lost a parent. Children see things differently than adults do and my children spent all their time with me until my husband stole them and bought their affection. When a mother has her children and she does almost everything with them they are shaped by her views and they rely on her to be there always and when mom is no longer there it is hard on children even when they deny it. 

Boys especially have a special bond with mom and when there is no mother figure around it affects them greatly even though they hide it and hide it well. My son has had a difficult time being away from me as we are so close and I am so honest with the both of them. Lieing to a child is the worse thing you can ever do it really is and the more lies you tell them then they become accustomed to lieing and lie often. Children mimic their parents in so many ways that we must be cautious on our behavior and what we say.

I have to watch what I say and do as I want my children to be themselves with as little negative influence from me as possible. Children thrive on stability and they need a home that is stationary as well as school and friends and my husband took them and moved several times and upset the apple cart once to often. Children need parents like they need air and it is important to give them what they need to grow and develop properly.

When I lost my little girl I had just found out several days prior that I was going to have a little girl and it was devastating, absolutely devastating to me. I was thrilled to be having another child once I accepted the fact and I was thrilled for my kids as another sister would be great for both of them. I wish I had had a little boy as well as my son is so wonderful with younger kids and now that he is on meds he is so wonderful to be with. He is so damn smart and is a great role model for any kid and he would love to have a little brother but those days are long pass.

I love children and treat them as individuals as that is exactly what they are, I find it important to exalt their talents and help them with their difficulties as that is what a child really wants. Children want love and acceptance and they want to see their parents happy even if they are divorced. The older children get the more they resent their parents remarrying and I am fortunate as my children want to see me happy so remarriage for me if it ever happens will be quite easy and not a difficult adjustment for them at all.

I do not want anyone disciplining my children as that is my job and I surely do not want anyone expecting me to discipline their children as that causes ill feelings all the way around. I prefer to sit a child down and talk to them about a problem instead of dropping the hammer and screaming and yelling. You have to know when it is best to send a child to their birth parent and when it is ok to talk to them about an issue. Children are so damn special and they are magnets that pick up our habits so we must be so very careful who we expose them to.

You have to be cautious on who you let around your children because people play games and pretend to like your kids when the truth is they do not but will play the game to get you. I am to smart for that game and my children and I have an understanding and I am not willing to let just anyone around them and certainly not to quickly either. I do not agree with people introducing their lover to their children on the second or third date. One never knows if that person will be around and if they aren’t all you do is confuse the children.

Being a child of molestation as well as rape I am especially cautious about my daughter, I have not dated anyone so it hasn’t been a problem but to bring a man around the house is a scary thought for me as I guard my children with my life and anyone that ever harmed either of them I would kill, literally. My daughter is stunning absolutely stunning and her beauty draws much attention and I do fear for her because of my past but I also know I cannot protect her every minute of every day but I fear so much for her.

I had a wonderful relationship with my youngest step daughter until her mother became jealous and caused problems, huge problems and  that was hard for my husband and myself. We had a good relationship after she graduated from high school but when my husband lost his leg she used us to pay for her wedding and she never came around again. She and her father had issues that had nothing to do with me but I got blamed for so much, which wasn’t fair to me.

Katie is now taking care of my son until he comes home and I have no problem with that as  I am all my kids have and if something happens to me I want them to have family because family has always been so important to me. People don’t respect family or the importance of family but I do because I am alone with no one but a sister and a mother and neither have the time for me or my children. I cannot have a relationship with my step children because of what they did to their father, they used him, us but worse they hurt him terribly and I won’t go into that.

People tend to chose their partner over their children which is wrong, yes it’s important to have a good adult relationship but our children rely on us and will forever as we are the foundation in their lives and to chose your partner over your child says a lot about you as a person. I would never chose my partner over my children, I just could not and I would do everything in my power to solve what ever issues were shaking the family core and I am mature enough to be able to sit down and work out a problem instead of run from it or my children and I certainly wouldn’t let my children control me or manipulate me.

Children know what buttons to push and you have to be very careful because they love to push the guilt button and they love to say “if you loved me” which is so typical of kids as well as adults. If I remarry and the man has children I would expect him to keep both of us at the same level with each of us being elevated at the appropriate times. I would never attempt to replace their mother and never could as to try to compete is stupid and childish.

Children try so hard to protect their parents and they hide their own wounds and lead us to think everything is fine with them when it isn’t, being a child with one parent is hard on any child and there are no exceptions and they need to be listened to intently and the parent needs to read between the lines as our child are our great protectors and will through themselves under a bus to see a parent happy. Children always pay the price for the mistakes of their parents and that is in no way fair to them. 

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