Forgiving Heart

Forgiveness is not easily done and the one that is forgiven must live with the damage they did and did alone. forgiveness is in it’s entirity is something most don’t do and it lingers in the air like cigarette smoke to be used as a weapon. When you forgive, truly forgive it comes from the heart deep within so there becomes more room for love but so many do not forgive to that depth. I seem to be forgiving others because I must as it is God’s law.

I am commanded from above to forgive those that have hurt me and stolen from me, yet forgiveness does come with lesson a price. I have forgiven someone I love to the depths of my soul and no I will never use it as weapon against him. Some people do things for very valid reasons and that is understandable and then there are those that do things for greed and are extremely selfish individuals. Those individuals will pay a hefty price soon enough and will find that God will wipe the slate clean.

There are two individuals that will be taken to the garden of Eden and eat the apple and the whole damn tree. These people have done terrible wrongs to me and their time is coming as they will see. You do not intentionally hurt others for your own gain and when you do things turn against you as you are no longer favored. The two individuals I speak of are in for a rude awakening and will have the rug pulled out from under them so enough.

You do not make a contract to break it and you do take from a child what is rightfully theirs as Doris has done and the contractual agreement will be honored times three as I take down the greedy one. He was to build me my future, my way of income and he did not and continues to lie about it and about me. Endings and new beginnings are the theme for this past June and these individuals will find there endings within the next two years as they go down.

There is one person I have forgiven which opened up a space in my heart that I have filled with love for him. I cannot hold him accountable totally for what he stole as I do not believe he stole out of greed but necessity. I cannot believe he would be so hateful to hurt me deliberately so I have forgiven him in the entirety yet he will never know this as he cannot face me or himself for his own guilt. I do not want guilt to consume any part of him but forgiveness to come from within himself.

God already knows what he has done and God as well as I have forgiven him and let go of disappointment we have felt. God knows he has chastised himself and feels remorse and God has listened to his prayers asking for forgiveness and God forgave him as well as I but he must forgive himself. Forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing we can do but if we do not we will be forever lost in our own remorse and I do not want him to be lost, Lord knows I do not.

Maybe my forgiveness is not enough for him, maybe his own forgiveness of self is just as important which it should be. He must realize he is of man and man makes errors, many errors and mistakes but we do what we must when things get tough and no they do not make us always proud but we are of man and man, yes  man makes mistakes. If I had not forgiven him I could not love him as I do and he does not realize this.

I once held on until payback was available so I could strike back with the hot iron and burn those that hurt me but I no longer do this as I have finally grown and matured earlier on. Anger and forgiveness are one and you must let go of both to survive, to grow. I have no anger towards him, none at all and if he would see I have forgiven him he could forgive himself and come to me and he would not be able to stand before me until he said he was sorry.

I do not need to hear these words as I already am aware of them but he needs to say them to eliminate the fear and rejection he runs from. I will never reject him and do not want him fearful of such rejection as I will never do that to him. He has paid over and over for his own deeds and I am not God but of God and being so I have let go of any anger and forgiveness was put in place long ago. Only he can let his heart open and accept what is to come and I am the one that is to come if he lets me.

I stand tall and honorable knowing that I do not want to see him in any type of pain and if he lets me love him he will find he will forgive himself and become the man he should be. One day he will see that the wrong he did has had a positive affect on me as when we lose we also gain and I have gained from my lessons. The lessons of life are not easy but they teach us much as he has been taught and he has taught me, forgiveness is a ring of completeness as it must start by something bad happening and it completes itself with something good coming from it, as it has with me. 

Of A Kind

The mirror is a looking glass

To see ourselves and

To see our past

 

We try to find

What and who

We really are

 

But cannot in the

Looking glass

As all we see

Is part of our past 

 

The beauty has faded

Age has set in

Acceptance is demanded

And I we are fine with that

 

We try to change

Using makeup

But we cannot

Change or rearrange

 

We are who we are

The looking glass

Wants acceptance

Not change from a jar

 

So many are ashamed

Of the wrinkles

But I don’t mind

As those wrinkles

Make me one of a kind 

Her Part

How a boy treats his girlfriend’s mother says how he will treat her daughter eventually if not now. My sweet Shelby has fallen in love with Leo and it will be three years in December. This is her first experience with love and I am wondering if she has given herself to him in the physical way. She has been a virgin for so long but she is a typical young female with typical urges and her heart throbs for him so if she has chosen to give her body to him I do not know and do not want to know.

That is private and between the two of them and no I would not be disappointed in her as it is a normal reaction to her bodies desires. The one thing I do not like is how Leo gets involved in my families business and how I have chosen to raise my children. He has been beyond disrespectful to me and that shows me he will treat my daughter the same way one day. He comes into my home and goes directly to her room without so much as a hello.

I have told my Shelby I do not approve nor like this one bit and I do not want her bedroom door closed but they close it anyway. She asks me to cook for them and I do and they come down and eat and Leo won’t even put his plate in the sink. I have asked for their help so many times yet I have not received it as I should. I could of had this house spotless with their help but no, I am left to clean this entire house up by myself.

Things are going to change when they come home as Leo will not be allowed over here any longer and I will not put up with the crap that he has thrown in my face. I was going to take them to Cedar Point but have changed my mind. She will just have to ask her best buddy Alex, as Alex and Shelby have been friends all through high school and Alex is so damn smart she can go to any College she desires. Shelby has forty thousand dollars available to her on her eighteenth birthday and I fear she will spend it on Leo which I will not allow even though the money is rightfully hers.

I have done all I can to raise her properly but with matters of the heart for a young person, sense goes out the window and love blinds the once sharp eyes. Leo does not have the intelligence my daughter has and that is not to say he is dumb as he is not but he is not on the same level as Shelby and she bosses him around like she did her father. I know children look for a partner like their opposite parent but to waste her life on him upsets me.

I say nothing and let her do what she must but if she says they are getting married I will have to say something as marriage is not for the youth as they rob themselves so much of life they need to live. Getting married is a move for the mature and  unless you are at least twenty five you have not yet begun to live. I hope and pray she doesn’t put all her eggs in one basket and marry me as that would be a grave decision on her part.