I have some great friends but sometimes I want to slap the shit out of Rick, he has serious foot in mouth disease and his wife Lynn feels the same way about her husband-shut the fuck up Rick, lol. Rick and Lynn have been there for me for what seems like ever and Rick and my husband Bob were great friends until Bob turned a blind eye to my son’s lieing and he did serious damage to their friendship and it never was the same.
Rick is retired and Lynn still works because she enjoys her job as a nurse and she needs a break from Rick as he is an alcoholic and he stays home and takes care of Erica, their adopted daughter as Lynn couldn’t have children. Lynn has helped me so much starting with Bob and helping to get him transferred downtown to the hospital as the local hospitals aren’t good for shit, people go in them on two legs and are rolled out on a gurney, as my grandfather was.
Both of these wonderful people have been there for me in my darkest hours and Rick always comes down and checks on me and we do errands together and go to the cemetery together and clean up the grave sites. We talk about almost everything and Rick keeps my business private as so many neighbors have ran their mouths about me to him and he stands up for me. Rick knows these neighbors do not have a life and he gets tired of hearing them and tells them so.
Rick tells me I am attractive but could lose weight and wear some make up, which will never happen as I am not one to want to waste a minute of my day putting on a “fake face” as I refer to women that use makeup to excess. When I do wear make up I use it lightly because it is to enhance beauty not make you appear like you are someone else and as far as the weight, well all in good time and if it’s meant to be as losing weight isn’t easy for someone my age and it isn’t on the list of priorities.
My priorities are my children and getting myself straightened around and that is it, I am coming along nicely as I enjoy counseling and how it allows me to let go of emotions that have held me back and I am growing leaps and bounds and never thought things could change so fast within myself. I really like my counselor and that makes all the difference in the world as I trust her and know what I say will never be repeated and she can see the change in me, which makes me feel really good about myself.
I am able to pour out my soul to her about my husband and my feelings involving my children and especially how pissed I am at Shelby. Rick needs some help around his house and I asked Shelby to ask Ryan if her and he would like to earn some money helping Rick and the next thing I know her boyfriend is calling Rick and she never even asked her brother, that pisses me off because she is putting that boyfriend before her own brother.
When I was out of town, Leo the boyfriend told my son I left him in charge and Ryan had to listen to him, that little fuck and Shelby didn’t do a damn thing around this house and it was left in a mess and was worse when I came home. I am going to have to let Ms. Pris know that Leo is no longer welcome in my home and she can see him at school and that is it. I am sick of that little rude fucker thinking he can disrespect me and my son and he is not going to continue acting this way and think he is welcome, no more.
My daughter is learning life isn’t so easy and you don’t everything you want because she is going to be cut down to size and she will get what she needs and nothing more. She has always gotten everything she wanted and of course it’s always the best and I buy myself nothing so I can give her what she wants but I can see clearly that that has been a huge mistake. Being a very poor child growing up I wanted to give both kids what they wanted as I did without even the necessities. My son never asks for anything and is happy with what he has and he is a lot like me.
My son and I have such a great relationship and I like talking to him but he will be gone in three years and I will be completely alone at that saddens me. I really like men more than women and without a boy around life will be boring as my son keeps me laughing and I so enjoy just hanging with him, which is weird I know. Boys are cool in so many ways and they are so much easier than girls and since I am such a tomboy I really enjoy watching boys play sports and cheering them on.
I like to listen to them talk about their accomplishments and I like to build them up because how a boy is treated by his mother or woman figure, has a profound affect on how they treat women as they grow up and I want nothing more than to be the best role model I can be for my son. I feel sorry for the girls out there because he will be exceptionally picky as boys always look for a girl like their moms and that is a fact. I know the type of girl my son will look for and he will be hard pressed to find one like me as she must be a damn good cook and girls don’t cook these days, but that is ok because I am teaching him and he can teach her lol.
My little would have been ten years old this year and I so wish she would have lived but God had different plans for her and yes I still cry every year on the day I lost her and doubt a year will go by without crying on that day. Children are wonderful and they bring such happiness into our lives and people that don’t enjoy their children are missing out on one of life’s greatest accomplishments. I enjoy helping my kids with their homework or listening to them when they need to talk or need advice.
I do not shove my views down their throats but encourage them to expose their feelings and views and when they are mad at me, we sit down and talk about it and I say “I’m sorry” when I should and they bring attention to my short comings and I explain why I did what I did. I am always honest and straight with them because I am hoping they will be the same way when they grow up. I am far from the perfect parent and I do not believe one exists but I try to do the best I can and hope I have set good examples.
My kids want me to be happy and they want me to circulate and “get out there” but I have no desire to do so and I tried but quickly canned him and going out. I prefer to stay home because I am a homebody and I do enjoy going out but rather have a meal at home, watch tv and putz around the house. I want to remarry but don’t know if that will ever happen and with the kids I have to think of them first and most men won’t go for that.
I will never chose a man before my children it just won’t happen and that is a strike against me as men or most men need to be first always and I am not willing to do that and if they have kids they wouldn’t want me to want to be first all the time but they don’t see things through my eyes. I tried really hard to be a good step mom but my husband set me up to take the fall as he never wanted to be the bad guy, he wouldn’t discipline Katie, my youngest step daughter but instead wanted me to and I wouldn’t so that caused a lot of problems as Katie did what she wanted which lead to many arguments between my husband and I.
I bought both my step daughters things they needed, let them live with us, paid for their schooling and so much more and never thought twice about it. No, they were not my children but I treated as if they were and I got kicked in the teeth for it. My husband blamed me for his bad relationship with his girls during our divorce which wasn’t fair because I had never kept him from his girls but encouraged him to see them but he refused.
Being a step parent you have to draw the line and not cross it, you let the parent deal with their child as they see fit and you do not choose sides but instead listen intently and advise as you see fit. You always listen to the child and try to talk to them but you never pick sides as that causes problems. The biggest problem with my stepchildren was the fact I married their father and kept their parents from getting back together. That was never going to happen but I was the road block that kept the possibility from happening and I am sorry they cannot see the truth and accept that I was not in anyway a road block but kids have unreal expectations at times and this was one of the times.