I feel so much lighter today as if I had unloaded a ton of bricks off my shoulders and Barbara my counselor is right, when you right down your feelings you become somewhat free of the hold they have on you. I had another dream and it was about this little boy. This boy is so sweet and caring and he has so much to say and holds so much within that I feel deeply for him as a child can keep what is in his heart a secret for only so long.
He is content not happy and it will be a very long time before happiness fills him but he is doing fine regardless. He came up to me and asked me if he could talk to me and I said “yes” and told him what he confided in me would be confidential and no one would know of what we had spoken. He told me he missed his mother so much and his dad wasn’t really happy but acted like he was and this hurt the boy so much.
I asked him if he was going to see his mother soon and replied “yes” and that they talked all the time but he still wanted to be with her as his parents had divorced and he missed her so much but understood why things happened they way they did. He said his dad was not happy and I asked him how he knew and he said he could tell and he saw his father drift off into thought so many times as if he were dreaming. I asked the boy what happiness meant to him and he told me “love”, happiness is love.
I asked him to describe love for me and he said “sharing with another person” and I told him his dad shares with everyone and he looked at me as if I were a complete fool. He said you know what I mean and I replied “no, I do not honestly” and he said “people aren’t love by themselves, people need other people to love and to love them.” This boy was so wise for his years and he amazed me with the way he thought and I so enjoyed listening to him and his feelings.
He said his dad was sad because he was lonely and he said his dad needed to find love as the love his parents once had was no longer. He said he felt somewhat abandoned by his mother and I knew that feeling all to well. I told him his mother did not abandon him and she did what she felt was best for him and that is a mother that loved her child. He understood but his heart still ached for the once was and never would be again.
He wanted both of his parents to be happy and I told him that God brings us happiness at the perfect time and if his parents were not happy God would not let that go on for long. I told him adults have to be careful who they let into their worlds when they have children because it is their job to protect their children and he understood, or so he appeared. He told me his dad acted like he always in control and he could tell his father wasn’t and needed a break.
The boy and I walked the fields and I looked at him and I told him he was love on two feet, which made him laugh. His laughter was sweet, pure and so real as a child’s laughter is and I enjoyed listening to him as it was a song to my heart. This boy was unique, he was different and he was gifted in ways unknown to me but I knew he was no ordinary little boy. I told him not to think he was ever abandoned as he was not and never would be.
The boy shed a tear as I told him no one loved him more than his parents and he must hold them close to his heart as they did him. He wanted his parents to be together, be happy and do things as a family again. I told him God would protect him and keep him safe and God would see to it that both his parents found the happiness they needed and he would know when they were really happy, which wouldn’t be to long from now.
He took my hand in his and he told me “he liked me” and I told him he wasn’t to bad either which made him laugh as we walked into the opening and out of the field. I told him life is like the field we just walked through, eventually we work out our problems and God puts an opening in front of us, like he had the two of us. We no longer have to walk through the field as the road is clear and so much easier to walk on.
He told me he thought I was smart and it was my turn to laugh and I told him I may appear to be smart but even I was learning everyday and even I had so much more to learn. He told me he wished I would make his dad happy and I told him only his dad could make himself happy and then and only then could someone else come into his dad’s life and the three of them would be happy. He said he knew that but hoped the happiness would start soon because he wanted a family again.
I awoke from the dream feeling so much for this child as it did not feel like a dream but real life in the making. This child was a product of divorce, which is so damn hard on children but he was so mature for his age and he understood that life has no guarantees but he wanted both of his parents to be happy which showed his maturity. He wanted what so many children want, a family a whole family that can do things together and build memories.