If It Weren’t For Them

So many people are fortunate enough to have happy and healthy children but there is one out of every eighty eight children born with autism. This is not an easy to deal with disability and requires much patience and love as the child has different expectations than the “normal” child. Children with autism need predictability, they require a patterned lifestyle and change is difficult for them unless they are prepared appropriately.

Children with autism are not freaks of nature and they are not unlovable, quite the contrary as they require much understanding and committment to live a life of happiness and fulfillment. Many parents tend to get overwhelmed with their child and do not bother to learn and keep learning about the disability. Autism is one of those disabilities that much study is being done on and everyday is a new day with new research and findings.

The parent that accepts what information they are given and doesn’t do more research is robbing themselves and their child a chance to development and grow. Friends will get disappointed when you cannot make the plans that were previously arranged do to your child needing security as they may be fearful of something all of a sudden, friends tend to not have a clue or understand the pain you feel or your child may feel.

Children are very mean and it is difficult to find children that will be kind and understanding. The autistic child is locked in their own world and do not have the same social skills as other children, this is not to say they are not sociable as they are in their own way. Many autistic children do not like to be cuddled or held, loud noises upset them and eye contact is not forth coming. The child may have tics and most do as well as obsessions.

The single parent has quite a challenge where dating is involved as so many pretend to love you as well as your child and this is all bullshit. It is difficult to have an autistic child but even more difficult for someone with “normal” children or no children at all to understand  what is required to keep the relationship together. The truly interested person will ask questions and do their own research to learn as much as they can about the disability.

The new party of interest must except the fact that at any moment the child may be in need and that could throw a wrench in plans and if the interested party really cares they will be understanding  and let the parent do what is needed to soothe their child. Single moms have an easier time than single dads as men are generally not responsible for their children’s healthcare and mom’s tend to know much more then men and the dating mom can tell immediately when she introduced the new man to her child as men exhibit emotions so rarely that true feelings come out with the child, generally.

The single dad has a much more difficult time as women play the game and are not sincere, they will talk to your child as if he were a baby, as if he was stupid and needed to be talked to slowly as if he were not able to understand. The single father is in need of love and sex and tend to fall for what they think is the “right woman” for them as they get involved with the good times and laughter they tend not to see the real person.

The average single father is so easy to play and women know exactly how to play them and the father with a disabled child is so much more vulnerable and even easier to play and take advantage of as he tends to fall quickly for the games women play with his child unknowing that they are playing a game. Women will use their knowledge with children to play the father as a father wants his new woman to except his child.

Women will pretend to be understanding and giving when in fact all they want is that ring on their finger and the child sent away as the child consumes to much time of the father. Women must be watched carefully for they can cause so much damage to the child that will never be forgotten. The autistic child is not stupid in fact for from it but they cannot tell their father what they are feeling and cannot express their emotions regarding the new woman in the house.

I do not have an autistic child but do have friends that are dealing with autism and I have watched them divorce because of the mother’s committment to her child and the frustration and anger it has caused. I am a trusted friend and I am able to spend time with this little boy because he trusts me as I have known him since the day he was born. My girlfriend trusts me with her son because I have watched him develop differently than other children and I have taken the time to do my own research.

I love this child as if he were my own and unfortunately she is relocating because of her job and I am so worried that she will have a difficult time finding someone to take care of my little buddy while she is at work or traveling. I have been so fortunate to have these people in my life as they have taught me so much about real love and committment and I have learned patience and understanding in areas of life that I never would have learned if it weren’t for them. 

Put That In Your Pipe

So do you feel accomplished finally? I am out of your life for good this time because I like myself and who I am and that is the first step of deleting you. I have had low self esteem for years and you have taken advantage of that and I know you never loved me and using the marriage line, well hell I didn’t think you would ever stoop that low but you did and it didn’t make a difference because I never believed you anyway.

I’m a dreamer that knows her dreams never come true and that includes dreaming about you and I, it was a nice fantasy that got me through some very difficult times but I am through them now and no longer need to depend on crumbs from you to get through each day. Are you happy with her and does she really make you feel good about yourself? If she does then you are lucky and good for you but you really have lost the best person you could of had in your life.

You think I don’t know all the adds on my fb are you and your scamming buddies? Do you actually think I am that fucking stupid? Do you think I have been buying your bullshit about typhoid? Did you actually think I would send money to you to fly home and let you spend it on her and lie to me why you couldn’t come? Come on really, I have chosen to ignore the signs of being used by you because I had been so beaten down and lost faith in myself.

I am not a loser or user but you continue to be one and I hope you can live with what you have done and what you keep doing. I shall not shed a single tear over you because you cannot hurt me as I know the truth of love and you never loved me and never will as I will always be nothing but a fish to you. I could say some very mean and hateful things but what would be the point? You do not have a heart so the words wouldn’t hurt you anyway.

I do hope you are very happy with her and have found the one that will be there when you are old and grey and I pray for you that you find your way in this life and stop using people because karma is going to get you sooner or later and it will turn on you like a pissed off cobra. I am truly sorry for you because you need help serious help and I thought I was the sick one but I can see you are sick as well but in a different way.

I will move on and yes I will find someone to love me in time and I am in no hurry because I am doing quite fine where I am at this moment and will continue to do fine because I do not have a care in the world and I feel nothing for you at this point, absolutely nothing as if my feelings are completely dead. I am sure that makes you happy and is what you have wanted for me all along, not to love you but to let someone else love me because you are a piece of shit and you know you have done nothing but hurt me and will continue if I allow it which I won’t.

This is the final curtain and yes it has dropped for the last time and you will no longer see me or hear from me because Kimberly likes herself finally and doesn’t need you. So how does it feel? Do you feel like a man? Are you finally happy for me? Don’t concern yourself with my life any longer as you will never see another penny from me nor will you be allowed to hurt me any longer so Mr. Fucking Wonderful put that in your pipe and smoke it. What a man you are, lol yep what a man indeed…….

Nobody’s Fool

I am so pissed at myself for letting him used me for so long, I have a box of shit I was going to send him but no longer and I want it the fuck out just like I want him the fuck out of my life for good. I have said that so many times but I am finally strong enough to go through with it as I mean nothing to him but a fucking meal ticket. I have my eyes wide open and I finally see where I fit in his life and sorry that just won’t do for me.

I need a man a real man not some fucking user and liar that takes and never gives anything but false lip service. It says a lot about me to let him keep fucking me over like this but I have realized that I am worth more than being used, I am a beautiful person that one day will find the right person for me that will love me and want to be with me and build a life together as this is not what he wants at all he is just taking what he can get.

I will waste not another dime on calling him nor will I waste my time thinking about him as I have finally accepted the truth and I am going to just keep focusing on me and my life. He can fuck her all he wants I do not give a fuck any longer as you can love someone to much and that person can crush your feelings and turn them to hate or indifference and I prefer indifference as hate will consume me and I refuse to go that route again.

I like me and I like me a lot and that is were the strength comes from, the heart when you like yourself you can walk away from non productive situations and people that are negative in your life. I have filed him under negative and that is where he will stay as he has become parasitic over the years and I will no longer supply his fix. I will no longer be there to be used and lied to and I am nobody’s fool any longer. 

The Fuck Be

I finally did it and I feel so much better, I told him I was done and I am because I am strong enough now to walk away. If he wanted to be with me he would have been but he has chosen not to be with me so fuck it, it isn’t worth it and he isn’t worth it either. He  doesn’t respect me and all he does is uses me so saying I’m done is the best thing for me and I will no longer be used and he can just go fuck someone else or be happy with the one he has been fucking.

If a man wants to be with a woman he will climb mountains to get to her but as I can see he won’t even cross the fucking street and I have to accept that and move on. As long as I let him use me he will and when I stop being such a fucking sap he can’t use me. People only treat you as you let them and I am tired of being treated like shit by him, fucking money is all he sees when he talks to me as I am nothing but a fucking meal ticket.

He hasn’t a clue what my life is like or want to be part of it which is obvious by the lack of participation in my daily living. Well he can just go fuck himself and get out of my life forever and leave me the fuck be. He thinks I’m an ignorant fool well I am not he turns off his phone at night so she doesn’t know I have been calling, well fuck him and her both, I can see now how he has played me and if he really loved me he would be here, come on his own without me paying for it.

I am not paying for a damn thing because that makes me the fool and shows him how he can use me and walk all over me, well I am so over that shit and not looking back. Yes, you can love someone but walk away because it’s the best thing for you not them. I wish things would have been different but that aren’t and are never going to be as he sees me as nothing but a fucking fish to use and to financially drain, fuck that and fuck him.