How Ridiculous Am I?

I am so fucking stupid sometimes, hell I’m in love with a voice lmao, just a damn voice that has been there for the last three years. He refused to show his face or come to me and that is just crazy as he thinks I am going to send him money, no way Jose not happening. I have learned my lesson that I mean nothing to him other than $$$$ isn’t that sad? Yes, it is sad that someone would use someone the way I have been used.

I have let myself be setup and he continues to lie and I can no longer deal with it but I can tell you God watches his every move and God will see justice come into play eventually. I am not his judge or jury, I do not wish him harm or unhappiness but I do wish he would quit fucking me over but when you leave yourself open to users they will use you, it’s that simple. If he wanted to be with me he would and for me to keep hanging on to air is completely stupid.

I need to open myself up to others and that is so hard for me to do as I do not trust people, yet I have been trusting a scammer roflmao, how fucking ridiculous is that? Kimberly the elite moron, stupid idiot just sitting like a duck ready for picking. Well, I have made up my mind that if I get the loan I am taking care of business, the kids and myself as they are all I have and all I will ever have as I cannot see myself ever having a relationship, I just don’t see it.

I’m a loner not a socializer and I have no desire to go out into crowds as I do not like them, I prefer to stay home and watch a flick and have some popcorn. Most want to go out but not me, I do not mind going out once in a while but not on a regular basis as most do. I read a lot, mostly medical stuff and I am always doing research online because I want to understand as much as possible about my illness and my son’s.  I read and reread until the information is burned into my brain as knowledge is power and power can lead to happiness when used properly.

I don’t know if I am in love with this man or I have just become accustomed to his presence in my life and that is troubling me, no actually it isn’t troubling me it’s clarifying how I feel. How do I feel? I am no longer sure as the lies have worn me down like the brushes on a motor. You can push people only so far and then something snaps inside and you see the picture in it’s entirety. You accept what is, that you have been used and the person uses the word love and marriage without a second thought.

I’m glad I am finally accepting the truth as I know it and yes it hurts but this has got to stop and I can no longer be wide open to him and I can no longer be a patsy. I do know I will not send him another penny that is a given as I look at my responsibilities and what my children expect of me. They do not expect me to send money to an unknown face in another country while they go without, absolutely not going to happen as I am wide awake and moving up front and straight forward.

I’m beginning to wonder if I thought I was in love with one person while the one I really want to meet is the one that follows me all over the net and hacks my computer. Now I have got myself really fucked up now haven’t I? The one I really want to meet is the man that rights poetry, pretends to be camgirl, the one that has just gotten divorced after what five years? That is the man I want to meet because he is the one that has my attention but I do not know who the hell he is or what he really wants from me.

If he is the one that has my attention then he is the one I want to care for, be there for, help, guide and get to know as a person. No I do not want to go out on expensive dates and travel on his dime, no I do not want anything from him but conversation and to get to know him as he has my interest. I find him fascinating and intriguing, intelligent and worldly, funny and silly and entertaining. That is the man I want to know, is that asking to much?

If you are reading this then come to me let’s get to know each other as friends, as people with problems and let’s see where things go, if they go at all. There is no pressure, no expectations and no requirements but to be yourself. If you think that is something that might interest you then you know where I am and if you don’t I will send you my location in Michigan, I am not special so I can be easily found in the little town of Rockwood, living in Liparoto Estates just follow the street all the way to the end, Im the third house on the right from the end with the sideload garage 32081 on the main street.

Hope to see you soon and if I don’t I promise I won’t cry as I do not expect you to show up, I mean really who in their right mind would come to see me anyway? LOL, if you do then you are crazy and I love crazy, I really do. We could watch a flick and relax and if you are famous please park your ego at the door as I am not interested in your fame and really want no part of it as I value my privacy way to much to share it with the world.

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