To My Sweetie

I love waking up and looking out the window in my bedroom as I am an exhibitionist and leave the blinds open, lol. The funny thing is I have a cement porch that runs the length of the house and I have a field behind me so there is no one that sees me anyway unless they come up on the porch, lol. Nobody ever comes here unless I invite them and I am so private and unsociable that it’s me, myself and I all day everyday.

I feel pretty good again and that is scaring me because to feel this good is foreign to me as I usually feel like shit and am depressed. Depression sucks and it’s a hard one to kick but these new meds, hell ya I feel like dancing, I feel like singing but then I would scare all the birds away and I love the birds. I love nature and I love the sun and water. Today is another good day and I am loving how I feel and I am loving myself, yes I said it I am loving myself.

The man I adore has issues and he is sending me messages as if we are telepathic and I don’t care what problems he has and I do not care what issues he may have as I will always stand by him no matter what and I wish he knew that. I am here to take care of him when he is depressed or in pain and I will do everything in my power to help him and I love him just the way he is, no one is perfect and some have terrible health issues but you do not quit loving someone because of that.

Bob’s health issues were always so damn hard to deal with because he was on the brink of death constantly and that was so hard to live with, I never minded caring for him and I did the best I could but I wasn’t able to stop the constant emboli that ended up in his lungs time after time. The clotting disorder took control and even the blood thinners couldn’t stop them. I do not consider taking care of someone a burden as that is what I enjoy and what I am good at.

When you love someone you do not walk away when times are tough, hell no you stand your ground and you fight with that person and give them the support they need. You give them lots of hugs and support and you love them and let them know they are never alone in their fight. People are afraid to tell others about their illnesses for fear of rejection and I can understand that as being bipolar scares others as they think I am crazy and that is fine because those that know me love me regardless.

I love you babe and I do not care what health issues you have and I will always stand by you and help you, you just have to tell me how your illnesses affect you so I can understand and be supportive. I am not just saying this to make you feel better as that will not help you and I aim to help you anyway I can. You have to help me help you and I will help you help me, is that a deal? I will never leave you, never walk away from you or leave you stranded and alone.

I want to marry you, all of you the good the bad and the ugly and I accept the entire package as my love for you knows no boundaries and I wish you would give me the opportunity to show you how I really am as a person. We belong together and that is the truth or I wouldn’t have held on for so long and you wouldn’t be sending me messages through the air, you want me to know what problems you have because you are waiting to see if I walk away, HELL NO I am never walking away got that sweetie? 

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