You have to accept your standing in life and if you do not like it then you must make a change and that is what I have done. I have decided that it is not in my best interest to be involved with anyone that doesn’t have children because I cannot see a man without children understanding how I deal with my children. Single people are selfish because they only have themselves to be concerned with but as a parent I am last and my kids are first.
No one can tell me that they will accept being last because they wont, hell my husband couldn’t deal with it but he sure the hell wouldn’t help with the kids so of course he was last. The kids relied on me for everything as he watched nascar or whatever the fuck he was doing. We always came last and I became so used to it that I have put myself last until recently, I no longer will put myself last but I am learning where I fit in every situation. Sometimes it’s me and sometimes it has to be the kids and I do not feel guilty about that one bit as it is normal and to be expected as a parent cannot always be last. My kids are so mature for their ages that they understand that I have sacrificed for so damn long that some me time is in order.
Both of my kids want me to take a break and take a vacation but the parent in me says responsibility first but I’m getting worn down like the eraser on a pencil. I have finally ended the three year stint with a faceless and nameless person and I’m not looking back because there is nothing for me to gain and there is no possibility of any type of lasting and rewarding relationship. I have been the giver and he the taker and that has stopped, unfortunately for him he has lost a good person and a good friend.
He can get lost in his romantic escapades with whom ever and I no longer care as it’s time for me to get my own life and him to find another fish. I had someone over last night but no means no and he didn’t understand that until he tried to force himself on me and I kicked him in the balls. Of course I was a bitch and he told me he never wanted to see me again, lol as if he would ever get in the door again. Men need to respect women and when they don’t then they need to hit the door.
I have been disrespected by someone for way to long and I have finally stood up for myself and closed the door as I will not play the game any longer and I have self worth once again. I feel good about who I am and where I am at in my life and things are getting better every day. I do not need a man to make me feel complete and will never rely on on one either for my self esteem. I am a happy person and that is not what most can say.