The 360

Just put some creme brulee with fresh raspberries on the bottom in the oven, Janet has never had it so shit I’m afraid of her reaction as she gets so descriptive, lol. She is going to love it I already know she will as it is such a treat for most of us.

I saw Scott today and they want me to accept six months in the county jail, fuck them I am going to trial and I’m still waiting to hear from that dickhead about the lien against my home, as soon as he releases it I can get my fucking loan and make plans for my vacation. I have thinks to take care of first, but then I am like out of here as quick as a limp dick falling out of a crotch.

Ry is so happy to be coming home he is beside himself and I am so happy for him as well as myself. We like to watch Weeds together and we love the story plots and laugh so much together. You can never replace that kind of fun, the kind you have with your kids, it’s just so unique. Our kids are our guides in this life but we seem to think we are guiding them.

I have a friend that lives in Napa and I am trying to find her number because I am thinking about going to visit her and her husband. I still cannot figure out where to go on vacation and do not know if I can trust “him” as he claims to be black and I know he isn’t.

Knowing him he will send someone else to take his spot just to fuck with me some more. Why in the hell can’t he be straight with me for a change? Well, I can tell you I am not losing sleep over it that is for sure as I have to many good things going for me to waste time on negative shit.

I have to be in court at 8:30 tomorrow morning, probate court to take care of some more legal shit. Damn I spend more time in court then the lawyers. I know a lot about legal shit as I have had my share of dealings and have learned quite a bit.

I hope “he” has tried meditation, the more he does it the better he will get at mind control and the better he will feel. Meditation is a wonderful form of therapy and control but so many people think it is bullshit but it isn’t, honestly. Eating healthy also makes a big difference and I would so love to could with him one day and I bet we would have so much fun.

It appears he was in love with a girl who cheated on him and was knocked up by the other guy, wow now that is such a slap in the face. We seem to have the same luck in our love lives but mine is going to change soon enough as I have a whole new lease on life. I no longer let anyone use me like I used to and I respect myself and I deserve the best just as he does.

I want to take the kids to cedar point but I won’t be able to if I don’t get that loan in the next two weeks as they go back to school Aug. 21. Catholic School starts sooner so the kids can get out and enjoy the weather as it gets to damn hot in July.

I wish the weather wasn’t so hot because I can’t do anything outside in this heat, heat warnings and all I cannot chance having a stroke. I love water parks, hell I love water and sun and all this legal shit is keeping me in town and I haven’t up at the campground in like a month.

I wish my rv would sell, I hope so by Oct. so I don’t have to fuck with it anymore, I can’t take care of it as my back is to fucked up. I really don’t know what to think about him but I am beginning to think that I think he needs to forget about me.

Yes, I do believe he needs to keep himself comforted by someone else as he is so lonely and needs love so badly and one minute I think we are destined to be together and then I don’t so I think it is best for him to just move along and forget about me.

I’m sitting here eating peach greek yogurt and can’t decide if I like the shit or not, think I prefer dannon fruit on the bottom. I like chicken caesar salads with 7 seas I think it’s called in the packet made with balsamic vinegar aged at least fourteen years. I do not like head lettuce as there are no nutrients in it so I eat romaine as it is crunchy.

I’m thinking about going to Montego Bay for a week or so and yes I will be alone but maybe I will meet someone. I’ve been to Ocho Rios but I just want to rest and write, I am going to get serious with my blog and I am going to add a shopping cart.

I’m going to start my own brand, fuck it women like me are desirable and I could get some photos taken and make my own t-shirts. LOL, Lovely Divinity lol how’s that for making money, I know I can sell phone sex as well and maybe even private chat.

Who knows how far I can take this but I am going to have fun with it and maybe meet someone hot and local. Maybe I will let the first page be free to read and you have to pay to see pics and to read more. I don’t know gotta see how this goes. 

I wish I had a bank account in another country and I could hire some other girls and then bank the cash elsewhere. I can earn only so much a year before it affects my social security. I wish I could “hire” him and then he could be a funnel and take his cut.

That doesn’t mean I want to be involved with him any longer, because it’s time to part ways but business is business and he’s got nothing to lose and all to gain. I don’t know if I can trust him through, he has been michael jones, nima ha reggio kyle ect and the list goes on.

I’ll think of something like the kids could be independent contractors and I could pay them to disperse the cash, now you’re thinking, that’s my solution, fuck I am such a genius sometimes, LOL. You know when you can dazzle yourself life is fucking good.

I no longer really know what I want regarding a relationship with anyone, it would be nice but I don’t think I really
want to compromise right now. I’m no longer concerned about it but it does cross my mind on where I am headed at my age.

What do I really want to? What type of person do I really want to spend the rest of my life with? Do I want pets again? Where do I want to live? I really do not have answers to these questions and I can tell you I am not burning up my brain thinking about them constantly.

I’m like that scrap piece of paper that the wind has caught and is just drifting, yep just drifting from day to day without any pressures and I like it. I like that I no longer worry about him, if he is interested in me or not as it doesn’t matter any longer.

I have to find my own way in this world and it’s going to be one step at a time but I will find my way all in good time. There is no reason to rush as that just ends up with things screwed up, I do know the more my life gets straight the more organized I am.

My clothes are now separated into shirts, pants, dresses ect. next I will go do something really anal like put the colors together. I like neat and orderly but I am not a clean freak by a long shot I cannot function in a really fucked up house with shit everywhere.

There you go a bit of information I hadn’t shared about myself, ya I know I have the bath soaps and shampoo fetish and now I like my closet organized. I like to write and I like to write poetry, I like computers and gadgets and I like romance, I like who I am and  I am happy with myself.

How many people can really say that? Not many and I owe it to counseling and meditation as I have control of my thoughts and how I chose to feel. I am not letting depression grab me and suffocate me as I know the secret to mastering the mind.

The mind is the lead controller and once you can control your thoughts then hell ya got the shit beat. You feel great everyday, you are ok being single with no one sight, you are ok being by yourself. Life is good and I thank God for helping me heal the broken pieces of myself.

Groovie

 

I went to bed really early last night as the day had worn me out, I was cool as a cucumber at court but I will tell you being questioned in a court room puts you under just a bit of stress and the heat, my God the heat has been off the friggin charts lately. I can’t get shit down in the yard as the heat is to much for me and humidity, shit you can ring your shirt out when you come back in the house. It looks like rain this morning and it’s one of those mornings you just want to lie bed.

I got up before the alarm at 7 don’t know why I got up but I really must get shit done around here, I’ve got three baskets of clothes to put away, the shelves in the closet, come up with someway to hang my shoe holders and a bunch of other shit. I hate this shit as there is like a never ending list around here. I want to put the screws in the ceiling fan blades and start using that sucker again. It rotates and keeps the air moving from the ceiling to the floor.

It’s a different type of fan and when I showed it to Bob he said “I don’t want that piece of shit in my house”, and then we were at the lumber yard and they had one and when I showed him he though it was the coolest thing he had had ever seen. He was an asshole, what can I say? Just because he is no longer with us doesn’t mean he still isn’t an asshole, he will always be an asshole to me because he did so many anal things.

I like waking up feeling good because I usually wake up feeling kind of lazy but that’s me anyway, I’ve been really lazy after trying to get shit done around here. It’s hard for me with this bad back as it hurts so damn much to do anything for to long. Janet, hell Janet she is like “pull my string and I never will stop” and the woman is 70. She is so damn funny and so gregarious and great for me to be around as it rubs off on me. The type of people we hang around everyday are the type of people we become, or at least I do, we tend to mimic anyone we spend a lot of time with that is why older people tend to look alike, or at least to me.

I have pondered this thought for sometime and I am not crazy, nope thought I was but I’m not and I have to look at good even if I am slightly fucked up sometimes. I get social security disability benefits, great healthcare dirty cheap, I get to stay home and collect two paychecks every month. I can do what ever I want and go where ever I want whenever I want. Now that isn’t such a bad deal for being labeled as crazy. Crazy like a fucking fox I will tell you, I am no dummy and I won’t get into now but all I can say is there is always a ways and means to change your life and we do not have to live in our own personal depression.

I am smiling this minute thinking about how Janet has changed my outlook on life and how I feel so damn free, we joke so much that it makes me laugh and laughter is great medicine. Everyone needs to let go of their worries and just let life happen and unfold as it should. We cannot change a thing so let’s just call it good and let life happen. It’s time to take a serious look at how to become one with yourself and reduce your stress.

After you read this I do hope you try it as you will find much less stress that you feel, now sit on the floor with legs crossed, arms by your side, close your eyes and rotate your head three times one way and then three the other way. Do the same thing except up and down. No keep your eyes closed and breath in through your nose raising your arms as high as you can and then exhale through your mouth lowering your arms. Do this three times very slowly. I forgot to add that you need to clear your mind, pretend it is a chalkboard and erase everything on it and now it is blank.

You have to really focus on yourself when you do this because your mind must be blank and when you are through I do believe you will feel more at peace with yourself and less stress. If you don’t then you can fucking shoot me, ok? If you were here it would work so much better as I would be talking to you slowly and holding your hands in mine and I would be walking you through a field filled with wild flowers as the sun was going down and the evening breeze became cooler  http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate.

It’s all visualization therapy and it really works to reduce stress, pain, depression hell you name it when I’m through with you, you won’t even recognize yourself as you will new. I’m not a guru and I do not have special superman powers but I have the desire to learn and read and try thing that could help me anyway possible. I gladly share those with you as you can benefit from the power of understanding as well as love.

 

Can’t Help Yourself

You just can’t help yourself now can you, admit it you got a good laugh out of those last posts, you see just laugh at yourself and you are so much more  happier. You can feel that good almost everyday and I can teach you, so if you are denying that you did feel better after reading them then I will personally slap the shit right out of you! I’m glad you at l smiled you need that I know ya did because I laughed when I reread them and I usually dont bother laughing at the stupid shit I write. Life is getting better everyday just hold on babe it’s almost time and we are almost there.

Lonely At Times

Ya know I missed the kids so much I bought all that lunch shit they like honey nut cheerio’s bars, keebler granola fudge bars and here I am eating this shit as is there is some sort of connection to the kids. I need to eat this shit like I need to owe the IRS double. Fuck I can’t wait until they come home. I’m so fucking excited I could shit, can’t wait I am so happy you have no idea and I am so much better and I feel so damn good that I’m a lovin’ this. If you would like I would gladly share my secrets with you as they are mind over matter shit but hell what ever works and you need a break as you been getting to physical and you need to rest.

I read the posts on fb and I am praying you are silently sending me a message and if that is true then you are going to have to talk to me for a change luv. I’m trying to get that fucking attorney to remove the lien on my house. Fucker, I don’t have the time to wait for the bar to answer a complaint, hell I have a timeline going and I want that loan so I can get rid of the IRS and get the fuck out of dodge for awhile. I need a fucking break already and even the kids agree so I’m going as soon as I know I have that fucking loan.

I’m really in need of a vacation and Barbara thinks I should go without one or both of the kids, she thinks it is time for “me time” so I can just take a  break. I knew I liked her for some reason, lol. I can’t decide were to go, I was thinking Barbados but then I have to have internet, I’m sorry I’m connected to a cpu, so Barbados is out, I’m thinking about the Bahamas, what ya think? I will be honest I am afraid to go to far from the states as I do not know you and I must be cautious. I know it seems that I am going a bit to far having a chip imbedded into my neck but hey a girl can never be to safe.

I think we would have a really great time just relaxing and chilling naked side by side just talking, you are not even hard that is how relaxed you are and I think that is hot, really it is as is your body but it’s cool you can be just yourself because I know you don’t get a hard on around the boys. I am beginning to think that we are going to meet around the end of August, that’s the feeling I am getting. If I’m wrong then you are fucking lucky. you think I’m just the sweetest thing on this earth, well let me awaken you I am not a push over or easily ruffled any longer.

I hope you come around the middle of August as I want to take you to the Monroe County Fair I really wish you would come so we could go to the campground I haven’t been there in quite a while. If Ry is home by Thursday I think he and I will go there for a few days, he would really like that a lot and it would show him I am interested in him and his life. It was nice for a while without them but hey that shit gets old, the complete quiet but the radio or tv, no human voices connected to bodies and it gets pretty damn lonely at times.