Just put some creme brulee with fresh raspberries on the bottom in the oven, Janet has never had it so shit I’m afraid of her reaction as she gets so descriptive, lol. She is going to love it I already know she will as it is such a treat for most of us.
I saw Scott today and they want me to accept six months in the county jail, fuck them I am going to trial and I’m still waiting to hear from that dickhead about the lien against my home, as soon as he releases it I can get my fucking loan and make plans for my vacation. I have thinks to take care of first, but then I am like out of here as quick as a limp dick falling out of a crotch.
Ry is so happy to be coming home he is beside himself and I am so happy for him as well as myself. We like to watch Weeds together and we love the story plots and laugh so much together. You can never replace that kind of fun, the kind you have with your kids, it’s just so unique. Our kids are our guides in this life but we seem to think we are guiding them.
I have a friend that lives in Napa and I am trying to find her number because I am thinking about going to visit her and her husband. I still cannot figure out where to go on vacation and do not know if I can trust “him” as he claims to be black and I know he isn’t.
Knowing him he will send someone else to take his spot just to fuck with me some more. Why in the hell can’t he be straight with me for a change? Well, I can tell you I am not losing sleep over it that is for sure as I have to many good things going for me to waste time on negative shit.
I have to be in court at 8:30 tomorrow morning, probate court to take care of some more legal shit. Damn I spend more time in court then the lawyers. I know a lot about legal shit as I have had my share of dealings and have learned quite a bit.
I hope “he” has tried meditation, the more he does it the better he will get at mind control and the better he will feel. Meditation is a wonderful form of therapy and control but so many people think it is bullshit but it isn’t, honestly. Eating healthy also makes a big difference and I would so love to could with him one day and I bet we would have so much fun.
It appears he was in love with a girl who cheated on him and was knocked up by the other guy, wow now that is such a slap in the face. We seem to have the same luck in our love lives but mine is going to change soon enough as I have a whole new lease on life. I no longer let anyone use me like I used to and I respect myself and I deserve the best just as he does.
I want to take the kids to cedar point but I won’t be able to if I don’t get that loan in the next two weeks as they go back to school Aug. 21. Catholic School starts sooner so the kids can get out and enjoy the weather as it gets to damn hot in July.
I wish the weather wasn’t so hot because I can’t do anything outside in this heat, heat warnings and all I cannot chance having a stroke. I love water parks, hell I love water and sun and all this legal shit is keeping me in town and I haven’t up at the campground in like a month.
I wish my rv would sell, I hope so by Oct. so I don’t have to fuck with it anymore, I can’t take care of it as my back is to fucked up. I really don’t know what to think about him but I am beginning to think that I think he needs to forget about me.
Yes, I do believe he needs to keep himself comforted by someone else as he is so lonely and needs love so badly and one minute I think we are destined to be together and then I don’t so I think it is best for him to just move along and forget about me.
I’m sitting here eating peach greek yogurt and can’t decide if I like the shit or not, think I prefer dannon fruit on the bottom. I like chicken caesar salads with 7 seas I think it’s called in the packet made with balsamic vinegar aged at least fourteen years. I do not like head lettuce as there are no nutrients in it so I eat romaine as it is crunchy.
I’m thinking about going to Montego Bay for a week or so and yes I will be alone but maybe I will meet someone. I’ve been to Ocho Rios but I just want to rest and write, I am going to get serious with my blog and I am going to add a shopping cart.
I’m going to start my own brand, fuck it women like me are desirable and I could get some photos taken and make my own t-shirts. LOL, Lovely Divinity lol how’s that for making money, I know I can sell phone sex as well and maybe even private chat.
Who knows how far I can take this but I am going to have fun with it and maybe meet someone hot and local. Maybe I will let the first page be free to read and you have to pay to see pics and to read more. I don’t know gotta see how this goes.
I wish I had a bank account in another country and I could hire some other girls and then bank the cash elsewhere. I can earn only so much a year before it affects my social security. I wish I could “hire” him and then he could be a funnel and take his cut.
That doesn’t mean I want to be involved with him any longer, because it’s time to part ways but business is business and he’s got nothing to lose and all to gain. I don’t know if I can trust him through, he has been michael jones, nima ha reggio kyle ect and the list goes on.
I’ll think of something like the kids could be independent contractors and I could pay them to disperse the cash, now you’re thinking, that’s my solution, fuck I am such a genius sometimes, LOL. You know when you can dazzle yourself life is fucking good.
I no longer really know what I want regarding a relationship with anyone, it would be nice but I don’t think I really
want to compromise right now. I’m no longer concerned about it but it does cross my mind on where I am headed at my age.
What do I really want to? What type of person do I really want to spend the rest of my life with? Do I want pets again? Where do I want to live? I really do not have answers to these questions and I can tell you I am not burning up my brain thinking about them constantly.
I’m like that scrap piece of paper that the wind has caught and is just drifting, yep just drifting from day to day without any pressures and I like it. I like that I no longer worry about him, if he is interested in me or not as it doesn’t matter any longer.
I have to find my own way in this world and it’s going to be one step at a time but I will find my way all in good time. There is no reason to rush as that just ends up with things screwed up, I do know the more my life gets straight the more organized I am.
My clothes are now separated into shirts, pants, dresses ect. next I will go do something really anal like put the colors together. I like neat and orderly but I am not a clean freak by a long shot I cannot function in a really fucked up house with shit everywhere.
There you go a bit of information I hadn’t shared about myself, ya I know I have the bath soaps and shampoo fetish and now I like my closet organized. I like to write and I like to write poetry, I like computers and gadgets and I like romance, I like who I am and I am happy with myself.
How many people can really say that? Not many and I owe it to counseling and meditation as I have control of my thoughts and how I chose to feel. I am not letting depression grab me and suffocate me as I know the secret to mastering the mind.
The mind is the lead controller and once you can control your thoughts then hell ya got the shit beat. You feel great everyday, you are ok being single with no one sight, you are ok being by yourself. Life is good and I thank God for helping me heal the broken pieces of myself.