If You….




If you only


That I am in

No way blue

As I have nothing

When I lost you

I really let you go

Because I

Need to be two

Someone that loves me

Someone who cares

Someone who is there

Someone who is fair

You will find that life

Goes on without you

Yes I know that is

So shocking

But it is true

I am moving on

Without out you

I will find exactly

What I Need

Maybe not with you

That’s ok with me

Because there is

Someone out there

That will love me

And only me

My Best

Good bye

Take Care

I really won’t miss you



How people play with other’s emotions and what do they expect to get out of it? Why do people fall for scams? Why are there people like me? I do not have an answer to a single one of those questions but I do know I am fed up with being alone and having no one.

No one to talk to or bounce idea off of, no one to have dinner with or romantic evenings, no one to have sex with and no one to touch and lie my head on his chest. I’m tired of all the lonely nights and time I spend by myself and I am finally going to do something about it.

I do not need anyone to make me happy as I have learned no one can but yourself and when you love yourself then and only then can you enjoy what others have to offer, only then can you really enjoy the humor of others. I want to laugh and share jokes and good times.

My life has got to change soon or I will go completely off the wall, I am way to fucking lonely and this is starting to wear on me. I need affection so bad that I feel like I am dying inside and I believe I am, it’s not that I am not happy I am just so damn lonely and tired of it.

Want to hook up and chill out and just enjoy life for a week? Fucking call me I’m already packed…..

To Late

I have wasted to much of my life on people that are not worth my time and I have finally seen how that has adversely affected my life. Wasting time with people that bring nothing positive into your life are not worth keeping in your life.

I am finally opening myself up to the possibility of meeting someone worthwhile and fun, someone that is everything I have always wanted, handsome, leader, intelligent, financial stable and all the other shit. I am no longer going to feed others when I go hungry myself.

I need love and affection so bad and I am finally going to start looking for it, I will be going on vacation in a couple of weeks probably just head to florida and take a break on the beach in Clearwater. I like that part of Florida.

I am not financing anyone else ever again and I was such a damn fool but I did feel like he was my friend but I guess I was wrong as there is no friendship there that I can tell. He’s nice enough but I have to move on and live my life with someone who will appreciate me.

A Voice

It’s easy to think you are in love with someone when you really aren’t, we fool ourselves everyday because a kind word can rebuild hope in ourselves and who we used to be. I can see I was never in love with a person, I was in love with the words and the voice.

The person I never met and never will so there is no us and never was and surely never will be. I fell in love with the idea of being in love and I fell in love with the idea someone would take the time out for me to build me up just to rip me off.

I have been played but I am done with that now and I know longer even have his phone number as I deleted it and ripped up the paper it was written on. I am so done with the games and lies and I am all about me now and what is best for me.

I am doing what is best for me finally, no one else. We all must learn to survive our plight in life and learn to be ourselves and find happiness within ourselves. There is no room for lies and bullshit any longer, that is done as far as my life is concerned.

I’m so ready to meet someone just to have fun with, laugh with and be silly with, I am so ready just to have a nice dinner and conversation and I am so readly for a committed relationship, if I can find the right guy, which is so hard to do. But I am up to the task I know I am lol.


Are you reading and rereading all of my posts? Are you wondering how I could love you so much or are you just blowing up your ego by reading my undying love for you? Everything dies eventually and that includes my feelings for you.

You never gave me a chance and never will so there is no point for me to continue to love someone who wants nothing to do with me. I am glad that you have been thoroughly entertained by my writings and what an ass I made out of myself.

I’m an all or nothing woman and it’s all or nothing and at present it is nothing and I do not see that changing so I bid you farewell and my best to you, take care.


I am always looking for answers and I am always trying to belief but I can no longer do either as there are no answers and no longer anything to believe in. It’s not that I have given up on God, o no that will never happen and I have not given up on myself and never will.

I have just tucked away my little girl expectations and dreams and have no desire to walk that way again. I spent a lovely afternoon with my daughter going to the show and to a Mediterranean restaurant that I must say was good if you like that type of food, obviously I do not.

To much lemon and they added citric acid to their lemonade and it was so fucking sour omg. Shelby was laughing at the faces I was making because it was so sour. I need a vacation so damn bad and going on one in a couple of weeks, don’t know where yet.

I think I am going to just let go completely of the feelings I have for him as it isn’t doing me any good and it has become notably a waste of time for me. He just doesn’t know the type of woman I am and never will so time to let that ship sail already.

Ryan is going bonkers he wants to come home so bad but it looks like next Wed. before he will be able to come home. Poor kid, the anxiety he is feeling is terrible and I just wish he could come home and relax, I can’t wait for him to come home.

Hey, Maybe We Could, Maybe

I really do not know what to say, but one thing is for sure I am very annoyed with “his” ass as I cannot stop thinking about what he is up to, why he plays these games, they are all about control as he likes control but likes to give it up in the sack, dontcha jack?

Or is it Rick or Gabriel, who the fuck really cares? Do you think that you are all that? I mean really are you that stuck on yourself? What gives God’s Gift To Earth? Why so damn secretive? He makes me feel like I am a project for him to get his PH.D or what the fuck ever. I do not understand his plan of action or lack of action should I say.

I need to get to the campground and get my water lines unplugged so I can get ready to winterize it. I wish I could sell the damn thing because being alone gives me no time to get up there.

I am doing so much around here and taking adequate breaks of course but things are coming together. I cannot function in a disaster area, messy is one thing but this place, hell the shit I have thrown out, let me tell you. Life is going ok at the moment no complaints really, ya I’m lonely but fuck it.

Sorry, I took off for a couple hours and did some surfing and learning some shit. He’s constantly on my mind which is annoying as hell. I wish he would just get out of my mind and just let me alone for a while. What is so damn interesting about me anyway?

Ya know, when you get to be my age nobody impresses you any longer, you see people as they are if you really look.