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I am always looking for answers and I am always trying to belief but I can no longer do either as there are no answers and no longer anything to believe in. It’s not that I have given up on God, o no that will never happen and I have not given up on myself and never will.

I have just tucked away my little girl expectations and dreams and have no desire to walk that way again. I spent a lovely afternoon with my daughter going to the show and to a Mediterranean restaurant that I must say was good if you like that type of food, obviously I do not.

To much lemon and they added citric acid to their lemonade and it was so fucking sour omg. Shelby was laughing at the faces I was making because it was so sour. I need a vacation so damn bad and going on one in a couple of weeks, don’t know where yet.

I think I am going to just let go completely of the feelings I have for him as it isn’t doing me any good and it has become notably a waste of time for me. He just doesn’t know the type of woman I am and never will so time to let that ship sail already.

Ryan is going bonkers he wants to come home so bad but it looks like next Wed. before he will be able to come home. Poor kid, the anxiety he is feeling is terrible and I just wish he could come home and relax, I can’t wait for him to come home.

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