Lovely

You may think I am lovely but I am not by today’s standards, I am overweight and lonely and just want to feel the love of another. I don’t want fake acts of kindness or those that pretend to care as I can see right through them.

I didn’t sleep good last night because the pain in my back and my hip really was to much. I got up popped a pain pill and went back to bed until 1 p.m., got up ate and popped 3 more pain pills and yes they finally took away the pain but now I am sweating profusely.

I do not pop pills but every once in a while I need to escape the pain and drink a few beers to kick it in. Not smart I know but I do no I’m not going to die or overdose. I need to get in the shower but just don’t think I can do it without getting hurt.

I can so easily slip and fall and now that I have the pain buzz I do not want to hurt myself. I would so love to be spending the afternoon in bed with “him” doing nothing but relaxing. I love tieing 

I wish he would come to me and we could just play all day, yes I do want him to penetrate my ass one day when I am ready as I want to feel him inside me I want us to be one and feel as one, I want us to learn and share so much.

Lonely Chest

 

I would so like to have him with me at this very moment with his head cradled between my boobs so I could run my hand through his hair and talk softly to him.

He needs to learn to relax and I could teach him how to control the things that rule his mind. I think he needs to get reevaluated again because you can never rely on just one opinion as they are never all right all the time. It’s fine to be ill and it’s even better to have someone understand.

I dated a guy that was bipolar and it worked out good until his x started causing me to much trouble and he had to go. She cut my tires, broke out house windows, stole mail, mailed me fucked up letters ect. I couldn’t sleep anymore because I didn’t know what she would do next.

He got so upset he started getting physical with me and that was the last straw, I do not let anyone hit me and stay around. He got so wacked he literally ripped my clothes off of me and tied me to the bed and raped me over and over.

He didn’t consider it rape but it was not consentual sex and he said he was proving that he loved me and only me as if I even questioned that. He didn’t love me, he liked being treated like a person for a change and he became my owner in his mind.

I have had my share of bad relationships in one form or another but I do not see this happening with “him”. He is wanting to help himself but he needs help and doesn’t seem to be getting the right diagnosis, I do not know but that is the feeling I have.

If he would come to me and let me be his friend I would cradle him between my breasts and show him affection and relaxing techniques that would make him feel so much peace. He would be so surprised that he could feel like that and he would want to feel it regularly like I do.

He can be with any woman and he may fall in love with her but he will be hard pressed to find a woman that wants to help him and can. I can do so much for him if he would only let me, I want to see him feel good about who he is and how good life can be.

I will admit I want to lie naked next to him and touch his body and make love to him but that is a secondary thought to his welfare. I am a caregiver and always have been and I can literally feel what others feel and I feel unease within him.

I wish so much he would come to the campground or my house and he could stay with me while I teach him some great techniques to control the mind robbers. I would so love to bath him slowly and relax him and dry him off and take him to bed with the fan blowing on us even thought the air is on.

I want to see him laugh and be happy, let out the stress and frustration and find himself, I can so help him with all of this if he would only let me. I love this man so much I would be willing to help him with no strings attached and he can go back to “her” being so much happier.

I would even go to him if that would be easier for him, but I love him that much-help him and set him free to go back to “her”. Love isn’t all about oneself, it’s about doing what is helpful for someone else even if it doesn’t include you.

Ya, sweetie I love you and want what ever you think is best for you, if you know what that is. I am here for you and no other man can fill your shoes. Not even those ugly green converse shoes, please come to me so I can just hold you and be there for you.

Come this weekend to the campground and let’s just talk, no sex unless it happens, no games or lies I am here for you and you alone. Let me be your friend and hold your hand and show you the way that will show you happiness within you does exist.

This weekend is a huge weekend for you and for me, this is the weekend that your life will change if you choose it to. This is our weekend, yes this weekend is for you and I so take advantage of the invitation and let’s have some fun.

Going

I have decided to go to the campground next week and get the waterline unplugged and cut the grass. Haven’t been there in so long. I need to go and relax and it’s just nice to get away from the house for awhile as I am getting sick of it here.

I did something so fucking stupid when Cindy was living with me, fuck I put an add on backpage for escort service and used my pics so when people called I told them I was busy and Cindy went, she was nothing but a really messed up alcoholic and thief.

Cost me 3 grand to get rid of her but it was well worth it, now I’m getting these fucked up calls and don’t know how to delete the fucking add. I never went on any calls and wouldn’t because that isn’t me but this shit is getting ridiculous and has got to stop.

I am tired of all the bullshit and games that life throws my way and I just want to settle down with one person and build a life. It seems that I am asking to much but I do know in time things will turn in my favor as they always do, eventually.