Find Your Emptiness

So many of us feel empty at times and those are the times we need to define why we are feeling that way. When you find your emptiness, look at it closely, examine it, define it and fill it with all the love that you are surrounded by.

Never let anyone take away what fills that emptiness and never let anyone make you feel empty and if they do then it’s time for them to go. All of us have love within ourselves and we need to redirect it to the emptiness we have inside ourselves.

People tend to be jealous and envious and some just do not like to see others filled with love and happiness and those people are the ones that need our love the most. Never let anyone walk on you or destroy you as an individual.

I used to feel so empty but then I became consumed and filled with feelings for someone else and I began to focus on that person and what I could do for him to make him happy. I am happy and sharing that with another is something that I am proud of and sharing my personal happiness and growth brings the sun to shine down on that person.

You can do so much for others by sharing just a small part of yourself and being there for them in their hour of need. Making someone else laugh at themselves is helping them find their emptiness and filling it with their own brand of self analyzing

When we take the time to observe ourselves from outside of ourself we are able to see ourselves so much more clearly. There is a part of me I have never shared with anyone because I was always so afraid of rejection but that has changed.

I am ready to share the “empty me” with someone else and to build a life with someone as I am willing to show all of myself instead of hiding. I have never been able to tell anyone that I really loved them as in a personal one on one relationship.

My marriage was a functioning dysfunctional relationship at best and I learned quite a bit about myself and what I really want out of life. My wants are simple and I am not one to demand that life supply me with expensive items.

I have been able to let love flow through me like my life’s blood and that is a huge step for me to take, letting someone in to love me as much as I finally love myself. When I meet him I will know he is the one to be part of my future and help me shape life into one big heart filled with love.

How will I know he is the one? Looking deep into his eyes, touching his face softly and kissing him gently will bring out the truth within his own heart. Love is not instantaneous but it is quite obvious when people are in love as they have an “air” about them.

Love changes our lives in so many ways but when you are in love you do start to love yourself as you cannot hide from the love your partner is sharing with you. Let love in and love will emerge from you and both of you will be surrounded by a peace that everyone needs to have in their lives.

The World Of Sex

Sex is primal, it is without thought but pure lust and action, now making love that is a fine are of which I have professed to have turned into more then physical actions, but slow movements that enhance the feeling of slow kisses and embraces.

So many describe sex as dirty and it far from dirty as far as I am concerned. Sex turned into love making can change your entire world. You can be with someone who just fucks and snores or you can be with someone that treats your body like a temple.

I love sex, always have and always will but I adore making love, there is a big difference as kissing and caressing, looking deep into someone’s eyes, feeling their heart beating and their pulse racing when you lie side by side.

Making love is exciting and a free form of dance as I move up and down his body and he shelters me from the storm. If you like sex and making love as much as I do, please feel free to read my blog.

I enjoy writing erotica and about my fantasies and I gladly share them with you and maybe you will enjoy reading the “shorts” as much as I did writing them. I must confess, when I write erotica I get so turned on that’s it’s a shame to waste those moments.

Of Age

I have been told to act my age, well what the fuck is that suppose to mean anyway? Because I’m 52 years old I am suppose sit back in a rocker and watch the neighborhood children play? Fuck that shit, I want to play yes I want to continue to play in the rain.

I am one that loves to be silly, stupid, funny, outrageous and creative as hell. I do not need some asswipe to tell me to act my age. Because I do not act like I have one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel does not mean I am not acting my age.

Don’t let life pass you by because you feel you are “too old” to act on or act out your emotions. Let me walk naked through the streets painted in fluorescent 

I am not to damn old and of course I am no longer limber but that is ok, let me do flips in a corporate meeting or hand my co-worker a new vibrator and cock ring for their birthday. Being outrageous is what I do best and I enjoy the hell out of myself doing it to.

With age does come wisdom and I have turned love making into a song, the rain into wind and the soil into a tree. I am of different and unique, the undesirable and punished and the hope of the world. That is what age does to you. You can see the colors of the rainbow very clearly and you can act upon them without fear of rejection.

The Color Of Art

Did you know the colors you choose say a lot about the state of your mind? Art comes in all forms, shapes and colors yet we are not encouraging our children to express themselves with color. If your child is good ast a sport then everyone is cheering them on.

A child that is good at art, technology or free expression is not encouraged nearly as much, if at all. Art is self expression, emotional release and a teller of all inner tales that lie deep within us. Everyone is an artist in there own right and the form they choose to express themselves is not up to you.

You do not have to like someones are but you should respect it as it is a part of that person. Art is used to let go, let go of all that makes you angry, sad, happy, empty, loved, hated, admired and every other emotion that we may have.

The making of a great artist is passing the boundaries, challenging themselves to a new dimension and never accepting the word “no”. An artist explores the part of their mind that wants expression and self doubt is not to be allowed to enter the room.

Never underestimate the form of art that you present to the world, not everyone is going to like your work but who gives a fuck? I mean really, I do not give a fuck about others opinions as I refuse to let them make their mark on my face like cheap make-up in the rain.

I need not another’s acceptance as that is like masturbating in the rain and I really don’t like to get fucked without a bit of lubrication, if you know what I mean. Many judge me by my age and that is so damn foolish, don’t they know I’m still a wild child?

Keep showing the world what is inside of you and you may even surprise yourself on occasion 


Let the rain wash

Down on me

Let the rain wash 

Me Clean

Wash away all

The ugly thoughts

Let the rain lead

Me to what I have sought

I can feel the raindrops

On my face

I know longer feel

Like a disgrace

I can finally show


Which takes me

Off the shelf

I am pretty others

Finally will see

Others will finally

See the real me

I have been washed


Of the ugliness

That has hidden 

Within me

Frontal Lobe Language

When my bipolar controlled me I was at the mercy of the screaming thoughts that were so loud they sounded like voices. The self hatred came out in those thoughts and I would do things that deliberately hurt me, I wasn’t a cutter but I have broken several toes and fallen numerous times out of my own stupidity.

It is quite possible to hurt yourself over and over and not understand why you are continually causing yourself pain and injury. When I was going to hang myself it was the screaming thoughts that convinced me that I was  not worthy of living. It’s very hard to control the thoughts of self-hatred but you can stifle the mother fucker to death if you so choose.

Self-esteem is directly related to how we react to others and to ourselves and when you have no self esteem you look upon yourself as worthless, useless, a mistake and you do wish you were dead at times. You have to learn to believe in yourself and having friends that can see your illness dragging you through the shit is really important.

I have one special friend that could see I was being drug through the shit and I smelled like it as well. She started building me up very slowly as not to cover me with her bullshit as I would have seen it to be. She said nice things in small amounts and one day it finally kicked in.

I was a worthy person, I did have a purpose and use and I was worth keeping alive and no one could tell me different. I began the road of self-love and yes it was full of pot holes and muddy water but I moved passed that stage of the road and finally found smooth pavement.

I started meditating which really has helped a lot but it has taken some time to get focused enough to take control and empty my brain of all thoughts. Once you can empty your thoughts then you can begin self-healing and taking back control of your life.

I am not an island and I am not the only one that has searched for help and answers as there are so many mentally ill people searching as I did. My interest in medical procedures, medications and holistic medicine started in 2003 when my husband had his leg amputated.

The years of learning have made me venture into different areas of medicine because I felt it necessary to have as much knowledge as possible in my brain. You have to be your own medical advocate for your own safety.

Dr.s will and do abuse their fiduciary responsibility and their power medically as we are taught to trust the police, priests and doctors. We are taught not to question them or judge them when that is exactly what we must do for our own safety.

Dr.s are compensated quite well by the pharmaceutical company’s and if you don’t think they are you better think again. Dr.s push pills because they are handsomely rewarded to do just that and when you realize you are not getting better, look at the pills being pushed down your throat and who is doing the pushing.

Mental illness must be watched carefully because the big drug company’s are the ones with the patents for the major mental illness drugs. When a drug’s patent is up that is when it becomes so much cheaper because it is now labeled as generic.

Look at the drugs you are taking, are they generic? If not chances are very high your doctor is getting a kick back for pushing it on you and yes even the generics are being pushed as well. Holistic medication can and does work as good if not better than the pharmaceutical company’s harmful meds.

Look at the side effects of the medications from the company’s versus the medications available through holistic medication. I am not telling anyone to stop their meds and I am not telling anyone to change to holistic medication. What I am saying is take an interest in your health yourself and do some research, do not leave your health and welfare in the hands of anyone else.

Take control of your own health and learn as much as possible about herbs and supplements that are available and read, read, read until you are as well versed as your doctor. Know the side effects and no the alternates that are available to you.