Stalk Me Y

Have you ever been stalked by someone online? I have been stalked by one individual for literally several years now. I know, this is weird but I think he is the one that God has prepared me for and I am not crazy, no I believe that our paths are before us.

I have always felt a connection with this individual, a connection that is quite strange as we have never met. I do not understand it, not really but it’s as if we have become good friends. I guess you must first understand that he has been here through some terrible times for me.

I have been deathly ill and he is the one that talked me into going to the hospital. He kept me company when I was in ICU. He has been here since my husband and father both passed in less than a year, he has been here when I was thrown in jail, (that’s another story) he has been here when all my dogs had to be adopted out.

So you see, he has been there for me which is odd, I know but he’s been there what more can I say? I have suffered quite a bit of loss, more than most and I have had some really fucked up things happen to me in the last year and one half.

I wonder if my “stalker” isn’t in love with me as it appears that way, why else would he keep me off the internet because I was communicating with other guys, he would pretend to be different guys on the dating sites I have been on, he is on my fb as a zillion different guys.

Yes, he is very good with computers and could be an excellent hacker if he chose. He is on my computers and he is always trying to stay on my computer as well. He has refused to show himself or tell me his name but he is always there. What in the hell does he want?

Jealousy

Have you ever wondered what makes us feel jealous? What puts the defensive mode in action? Why do some people feel none or very little jealousy while others are overtaken by it? I was watching a movie and there were two girls/women talking and one was quite obvious jealous and her actions made me stop and think.

I wonder what does cause jealousy? I am being to think it’s part of our past when some of us had to deal with the feeling of “abandonment”. Then I begin to think what if jealousy is a “protective mechanism” and is it normal to feel jealousy to a certain point.

I seem to question quite a few things but this one really has me a bit puzzled. You can always tell when the person you are with begins to show signs of jealousy. They turn cold and ignore you, they’re mood turns from happy or content to unhappy. The one’s that go off the deep end and starts stalking you online or around your home, slashes tires, breaks windows and shit like that is like the third depth of jealousy you can go.

Some people just go on a serious nut and lose control of all common sense. I can understand jealousy but haven’t felt it in so long that I do not recall how it feels. As far as I can remember, jealousy sucks and doesn’t feel good at all. Who in the hell wants to be controlled by their emotions for another person?

I have watched couples together and the woman time and time again does something to stir jealousy in her date. I find this to be very immature and definitely shows lack of maturity required for a committment. So many want the relationship but they want it their way. As far as I’m concerned a relationship with regular bouts of jealousy is not one that will stand the test of time and the “life span” of the relationship is three to six months at best. I’m the type that doesn’t screw around when I am jealous.

 I do remember reminding someone who they were with many moons ago. Ya bitch, you’re with me and if you want to be with someone else, I’m outa here. No games, no beating around the bush, just straight to the brain to really look at and examine.  I do not care for jealousy from myself or others and I think there should never be room for jealousy.

I think to make another jealous is a deliberate way to cause hurt and uncomfortable emotions between two individuals. I would hope that most adults do not even dabble in the jealousy game because it doesn’t do any good for anyone.