When The Snow Flys

I hope this winter serves me well and I have someone to wrap my arms around and keep me warm. Winter is so fun when you have someone to play in the snow with and throw snowballs at and this winter is going to be like non other.

I have lost so many including my pets in the last year and I am going to get two more min yorkies male and female the female being bigger of course to carry those babies. I miss my dogs so much and I am getting some new puppies or traveling the world one of the two.

I have a deliciously naughty secret I wish I could share with you but you know how to keep a secret a secret? Don’t tell anyone so you will just have to wait until next Tuesday because I will be busy the next several days.

I really enjoy being naughty and risqué as I find it a rush like the football player when he scores a goal. Some think I am absolutely without shame and I am outrageous, I choose to think of myself honest and straight forward.

I am quite open but there are some things I prefer not to share with others, like making out I just won’t do it in public, in fact I do not like to display any affection at all in public as I feel that should be kept between two people.

I know it makes no sense that I would have sex on the hood of a car but not kiss or make out in public. The two are not the same, not at all sex on a hood is one of those rare things that happen during a rare occasion.

I think kissing is romantic and should be private and between two people and those two people only. I am a private person and I do not care for loud, busy places no I am more the quiet dark restaurant type that likes to sit in the corner of the restaurant.

It’s hard to explain the way this time of year makes me feel, it’s like a peaceful time of year as everything is dying. I know that sounds odd but when things end new things begin and I am hoping that something wonderful and new happens to me soon.

I so wish I had someone to spend the season with and share private moments with and I know soon enough this will happen. I have never given up no I have not and I have never closed the door but yes I am guilty of trying to walk away.

I get frustrated and have no patience and the pressure and stress gets to me at times. There are times I have felt that I could not take another step or shed another tear. Those days are behind me now and I am finally ready to welcome someone into my life.

Have You Lost Your Mind?

I guess I should consider myself lucky that menopause madness didn’t leave me with a beard and mustache as it does with so many women. Yes the truth be known menopause hits us hard and some do end up having to bleach that hair.

My kids think I have lost my mind because I want to get a tattoo, what in the hell is wrong with that? I’m 53 which is legal age and I think I can make my own decisions. They think I have totally flipped out because I have made some decisions that they think are totally nuts.

I want to be happy and live a happy life with someone else and enjoy the days having great meals, great sex and great times together. My kids know I am a very sensual person and they know that I need affection to the good thing is they realize this.

I’m really tired of being alone and lonely and I am tired of having to fight with those that try to rip off a widow and a woman. If you aren’t getting screwed at the tire dealer for being a widow then you are for being a woman. It pisses me of when this stuff happens.

The thing that really cracks my kids up is when someone tries to rip me off, I usually know they are full of crap and call them out. I know about tires so go ahead, try to rip me off again because it will never happen as I am not some helpless female.

I love romance, I love everything about romance and want to experience some romance for a change, I have had a very difficult past year and it’s time to let some love in my life and be happy. I’m not sure what is going on but I do know that I am surrounded by love.

I think of one man and I think of him in bed sitting up on his ipad and I am sitting at the end of the bed wearing only a wifebeater (mens sleeveless t-shirt). Yes I am naked from the waist down and I’m just sitting there thinking about the day.

He is working for a while longer, he’s been up since 5 a.m. and it’s only 8a.m. and I am ready to make plans for the day but give him the space and time he needs to take care of business. He finishes and gets out of bed and we go to take a shower.

This is one of the most romantic times we spend together is taking showers and making love, I love washing him and going down on him in the shower and he likes it as well. We make love and finish showering and we go back to bed.

We lie there and talk about the plans for the day and we finally get up and get dressed, we go out and greet the day holding hands and walking down the street to get some breakfast. We decide to go explore the covered bridge and go to a cider mill.

It’s a beautiful day and we are enjoying every second of it as we sit under a tree and take a break. We talk of nothing of importance as we get to know each other in a relaxed atmosphere. There is no doubt that there are quite a few emotions between us and we both can feel it.

We spend the day walking hand in hand and enjoying each other’s company, laughing, being silly, giggling and just acting like two kids. The day is totally relaxing for both of them and they really enjoy each other’s company and it’s as if they have known each other a lifetime.

One More Step

Some people get hurt by another and they say they will never let anyone hurt them again like that. That’s the biggest lie we tell ourselves because as humans we require a certain amount of love and affection but when you get hurt you are to afraid to take one more step.

I used to know somebody that hated themselves and  has been gifted with a talent that was used to help many people with. I think I have a bit of understanding why this person denies himself the happiness he wants so badly. I think he has no clue about illness but I do and I have noticed his actions to be one of an ill person.

I am not trying to be mean, no not at all in fact I’m trying to save a life here. He knows what he wants but he allows himself to deny himself of that love. He worries about the erratic behavior and out bursts and is afraid for me to see that side of him so he pushes me away.

He doesn’t realize my mother and my brother is and was mentally ill, my brother had paranoid schizophrenia and I have also dealt with people in life that are ill. He thinks if he keeps hurting me I will go away. Nope that isn’t going to happen because I am not going to reward him for his poor behavior and self image at this time.

No, I am not going away so forget that right now and I do know one thing, when you care for someone you are there for them no matter what the situation. I am always going to be here as his friend and yes I do believe he has an incurable mental illness.

He can continue to be narccistic and deny himself of love and someone who understands where he is at in his own mind. I understand only to well and I am here to tell about it, I hated myself so much that looking in the mirror never happened.

I felt such a heavy emptiness and profound sadness that I walked through the days like a zombie. I couldn’t get myself to do a damn thing. I lost all desire for anything or anybody and I locked myself away from the world so I could lick my wounds.

Well, the most shocking event occurred, I had a break through my mental illness and I have found a way to help myself in moments of stress and anger build up. I have learned not to blow up at people as that only makes the situation worse. I still have my blow-ups but quite infrequently these days, I know about the cold, rainy fall days when one is alone.

Hate yourself all you want, in fact I encourage you to hate yourself as much as you can. Now turn that emotion around and love yourself as much. Couldn’t do huh? Need a little help in that area? You need a good friend not a lover, you have a great friend right here but you are to afraid to reach out for fear of more pain. 

I totally understand those feelings because I lived through them myself. I think it has been best that I had no one in my life because I have been able to focus on my own mental health and become so much better. I reuse to let my illness every run my life again.

The saddest thing in the world is he cannot deny himself of her, he is obsessed with her and follows her everywhere she goes online. He does little things to keep tabs on her even though he is no where near her. He cannot let her go and that is making him feel crazy as well.

I have no plans of sitting down and waiting for him to build up enough character to meet me, hell no girlfriend is not a waiting for no man. God knows what she needs and will care for her and when the time is right, he will come into her life.

He may be waiting at a deli for a lunch, he could be the gas station attendant, hell he could be even you, yes you just have to be willing to take one more step in my direction and then quicken your pace because you were going to run in my direction until you started thinking to much.

I expected you to pull out as the date got closer and I knew you were going to be a no show as that has been a given with you. You are scared out of your wits to meet me and you know that is true. I do not have powers to put a spell on you, I assure you.

If you do not take this opportunity to enrich your life, you may have just given up one of the best things that could have happened to you. I promise you I will not wait but will be here if you need me and I am not mad and I am not crying.

I am working filling that space in my heart that needs love now, yes right this second and I plan on getting it filled. You are going to be really pissed at yourself that you didn’t take advantage of meeting me, go one bury your head in work, like that is going to help you?