Dodging Bullets

It seems as if I am forever trying to dodge one bullet after another because I have been involved in so many messes. I am going on this vacation and keeping it from the child services worker not keeping it from her but told her I was leaving the sixth of next month.

She doesn’t need to know and besides Shelby is at the house and the neighbors will keep an eye out for the kids as well. I just really need to get away and I’m going, no it is not going to be filled with wonder and excitement as I am going to rest.

I must admit I know Mr. Perfect will ride up on his shiny horse and whisk me away into never never land, I just hope I don’t run into Michael Jackson, I mean let’s be serious his face is scary with all those surgery’s. It would be wonderful to meet the man of my dreams but let’s face it life isn’t that good to me.

I am trying to clean my basement and that is scary in itself as I feel when I go down there I may never surface again. There is so much junk that needs to be hauled out and the salvation army called to come pick it up, there are Bob’s clothes that are still in a mover box and they will be the first to go.

I have more non ambulatory equipment then you can shake a stick at, I could start my own handicap division. I need to put that stuff up on Craigs List and sell it. I do not want reminders of my past life and I’m donating a bunch of Nascar stuff as well just to get rid of it.

I have more picture frames then a framing shop and those are going as well. I want to get that basement ready to rent out to cover the payment on the loan I had to take out. I have to get new carpeting laid and set up the “private gym” I have a sauna as well I think I might put back in my bedroom.

Life is moving forward as usual with no shocking news or arguing which is exactly how I like it. When Shelby comes home I am sure the arguing will start again. She rags on Ryan so much I am hoping things have changed but I doubt it.

It’s funny as hell when we have an argument and the door bell rings, we instantly stop and change our attitude because we think it’s a cps check up. Lol, it is funny how quickly people pull together when they feel threatened as we do as a family.

When Shelby turns eighteen in January things will be so much easier for me as she will be an adult and I won’t have to worry about Ryan if I want to go somewhere for a few weeks. Damn this trip has my head all screwed up my itinerary is

 DTWto ALB | 27 Aug 2012 Show Details
12:06pm DTW 1:40pm ALB Nonstop

ALBto DTW | 11 Sep 2012 Show Details
4:30pm ALB 6:21pm DTW Nonstop
McNamara Terminal 1h 51m DL 37331 Economy (T)

You’re probably wondering why I put it in my blog, well I’m a lazy one and it’s easy to copy and paste, lol. So I now will remember when I’m leaving because there is so much going on right now it’s to much for my pea brain to remember.

The Riddler

You can try to push me

Away

You can turn with 

Nothing left to 

Say

Keep pretending to be happy

With the one you are

With

You can try but you 

Will never make me cold and

Stiff

When you are making love to

Her

I am the one you see

I am the one you want 

to be with

Not her

Why do you lie to yourself?

Why do you play games with your

Mind?

Why do you hate yourself so much?

Why do you think pushing me away

Will make me leave?

That will not happen so give

yourself a bit of

Reprieve.

Be kind to yourself

Be kind to the world

Be kind and forgiving

Are the number one

things to do while 

Living

There comes a time 

When we need to reach

Out

But we are to afraid of the 

Possible pain

We do not look at life as 

Challenging and rewarding

No, we look at how many

Times we have been hurt

We attempt to shield

Ourselves

And cutting off our

Salvation

People are there that really

Care

Just reach out your hand

And take mine

I will show you a

Different world

A kinder world

A caring world

But you must take my

Hand

Have You Ever

Have you ever felt like you were surrounded by mystery and intrigue? Have you ever felt like someone was putting on a surprise party for you but there was no special occasion?

I have felt that way for the last couple of days, yes like there is a surprise party in the works but I know there is none. Why I feel like I am surrounded my intrigue is another thing I cannot explain.

It’s as if the joke is on me and someone has been pulling my strings all along. This is exactly why I am getting away. I am losing touch and my thinking is going way out in left field.

I guess it’s good to fantasize now and then but emotionally I prefer to keep control of those emotional moments. I could so easily fall apart and I have no plans of letting that happen.

My biggest fear is that I will fall seriously in love and then never see him again. That is the type of luck I have and it would destroy me if that happened. I hope I do meet someone and maybe just maybe we can work it out.

That’s one thing about me I am flexible and always willing to go the extra mile to make something work. I am not a controlling greedy person and I find it beneficial for two people to work out what works best for them.

I think this trip is going to be holding something quite unique for me. I feel like this is a turning point and I have no idea why, it’s some big mystery but one delightful mystery at that.