Atom Bomb

My high school principal signed my yearbook an wrote Trenton High’s answer to the atom bomb. He knew me well and to this day I still am an “atom bomb”. I so enjoy being silly and it helps fill the loneliness.

I haven’t been in a man’s arms in over three years and the closest I have gotten to sex is molesting the mannequin in Target last week. It is definitely not  healthy to go without sex and the body requires it to be happy and yes that falls under maintenance.

So here is the atom bomb waiting for a maintenance man and it isn’t easy. I have never been one to date or go bar hopping. I do not seek out companionship and no I’m not a one night stand type of woman.

My hats off to my jacuzzi tub because without the help of the jets, I am sure I would have gone crazy by now. To many taboos have been painted by society and masturbation is like so taboo, what a bunch of bunk.

If masturbation were a crime and I’m sure is it somewhere, hell if I got convicted I would be doing a million consecutive life sentences. I am a woman who is not ashamed of much and wanting to feel sexy is a must for me.

No I am not stick thin quite the opposite as I am a bbw that loves lingerie and to be naked and that is me. I am a nature lover, animal lover and I love to laugh and to make people laugh.

Someday, someone will come into my life that will be a perfect fit but until then I just deal with day-to-day crap and look forward to traveling and getting laid with a whole lot of sensual moments.

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Atom Bomb

My high school principal signed my yearbook an wrote Trenton High’s answer to the atom bomb. He knew me well and to this day I still am an “atom bomb”. I so enjoy being silly and it helps fill the loneliness.

I haven’t been in a man’s arms in over three years and the closest I have gotten to sex is molesting the mannequin in Target last week. It is definitely not  healthy to go without sex and the body requires it to be happy and yes that falls under maintenance.

So here is the atom bomb waiting for a maintenance man and it isn’t easy. I have never been one to date or go bar hopping. I do not seek out companionship and no I’m not a one night stand type of woman.

My hats off to my jacuzzi tub because without the help of the jets, I am sure I would have gone crazy by now. To many taboos have been painted by society and masturbation is like so taboo, what a bunch of bunk.

If masturbation were a crime and I’m sure is it somewhere, hell if I got convicted I would be doing a million consecutive life sentences. I am a woman who is not ashamed of much and wanting to feel sexy is a must for me.

No I am not stick thin quite the opposite as I am a bbw that loves lingerie and to be naked and that is me. I am a nature lover, animal lover and I love to laugh and to make people laugh.

Someday, someone will come into my life that will be a perfect fit but until then I just deal with day-to-day crap and look forward to traveling and getting laid with a whole lot of sensual moments.

Thinking Of Someone

I am thinking

Of you

Do you ever

Think

Of 

Me?

I want to wrap

My arms around

You

And kiss you

Ever so 

Slightly

I want to kiss

Your

Lips

Hug your 

Hips

Massage your

Thighs

And laugh at

Your 

Lies;

I want to 

Slap your 

Ass

Pinch your 

Cheek

And play

Just a bit

With your

Wee

I want to laugh

In the rain

Kiss away your

Pain

And make 

Love to

You

These are just

A few things

I want to do

To 

You

God I love

Him so

Tell him please

To come to me

Or let me go

About Me

Hello,

                    I am a 53 yr. old female mother of a 17 yr. old daughter and 15 yr. old son. My husband of almost 18 yrs. passed away last April and I started this blog as an outlet for the loss of my husband, the trials and tribulations of a widow, mother, women.

I do not pull any punches and I am straight forward and honest. I am sure some of my blog will make you laugh, cry, wonder, question and make you go hmm. but I am sure you will find it entertaining because I am one of those stupid funny people.

The kind of person that manages to do some strange shit just because. I am a kid at heart and prefer to live life that way as life gets to serious for me sometimes and I have to pull out my Mrs. Beasley doll for comfort.

I am very emotional and high-strung but damn I am fun and can make your day turn from shit to sunshine in a blink of an eye. I am a humanitarian and a very spiritual person, I love deeply, commit strongly, give to often and try to  help everyone.

I am self-sufficient and do not need anyone to take care of me but thank you for offering.  I am very brazen, sensual, sexual, excitable and compassionate. Yes, I have my faults but please, let’s focus on the good shit, and o ya my son and myself are bipolar.

Photo on 6-22-13 at 12.40 PM #2 Photo on 6-22-13 at 12.40 PM #3 Photo on 6-22-13 at 12.40 PM #4 Photo on 6-22-13 at 12.40 PM

Who’s Really There?

There’s no tomorrow without you by my side, there is no today without your hand in mine, there is no yesterday because you were not at my side. I am so strong you say but do you know how really weak I am? Do you know my tears shed so often over the thought of you and I?

I do not want you to come to me as you are not yet free to chose your choosings and I do not want to be a result of one of your choices. I want you to come to me freely, openly and honestly and until you can do that I do not want you.

You have tried to replace me but you cannot and will not because I am irreplaceable, I am not like others, I am a gem in a hidden box upon the highest shelf, I hide from those that want only my worth and none of my inner beauty.

I am not of the devil and I am not of the sea, I am of the heavens yes look up that is me, I am of God’s work I am of his vision. I bring to the earth the special package from my Lord and in it is a gift to you. It is the power and wisdom to know what you need more than what you want.

Take this gift and open it, breathe it into your soul or world, your heart. Follow the path and cherish the journey as you are a shaper of the mind and hearts of many, you set the growth and fill idealism of many a child as well as adult.

Your gift has been rewarding but do you know how many you have rewarded? Do you know how many lives you have changed? shaped? directed? I am so proud of the man you are as you have learned wisely from years of walking the edge.

Your heart is pure no matter how black it has been at times, you do not see the man in the mirror, no you do not see the colors you have painted so many a world. You bite down on yourself and do not see the worth within yourself and that is sometimes quite sad.

You are a man of humanity and humility, you suffer in silence while smiling at the world, no one sees your tears, feels your sobs or wipes your tears, it is a lonely life you live, such a very lonely life for such a man. I pray for your happiness every day and I pray for you to accept inner peace and accept me into your life.

No Game

Do you know what love is? Do you know you have taught me what it means? Do you know I walk through the days empty handed and thinking of you? I drop tears like pennies without you by my side and it gets harder each day to be without you by my side?

Do you enjoy seeing my tears or do you wish to make them disappear? I am covered in wetness and my heart is crying out for your arms to save me from the flood of my own tears, save me please from the empty existance that I am in.