Happily Ever

Do you believe in happily ever after? Do you believe there is someone special out there just for you? Would you wait years for this person? Do you  believe in magic?Do you believe in angels?

Well, the foolish woman who I am does believe and I do not feel one bit foolish for believing. All we have in this world is hope and dreams and when you give those up you have given away your life. Everyone will have their hopes and dreams met eventually but they will not be on a grand scale.

Most will find a simple life filled with love they never knew they could have and their lives will overflow with happiness. Am I waiting for someone who will never appear? Will I end up with a shattered heart? I need answers to these questions because if there is never going to be an us, I want to get through the pain now, so please step up and tell me, please?

Scardy Kat

What’s wrong, she got you so pussy whipped that you are afraid to come to me? Are you just into internet stalking and get off on it? What are you afraid of? I am too much woman for you without a doubt and I think you are afraid to be proven to be not enough of a man to handle me.

If you are involved with someone, which I have no doubt that you are, then forget me. Can’t keep me off your mind? Well, it will take a rocket scientist to  decipher the meaning of that. You want me so bad you are going nuts but you are emotionally torn, well you have her and already know what you have but you are to afraid to take a chance to meet me because you want a sure thing.

All I can say is we fit like a hand and glove and belong together so do what you think is working for you and keep suffering because you just are to scared to make the move you need to make.

Just A Minute

I would like to take just a moment and ask you why you are reading what I write. I am seriously wondering what could be so interesting that you would want to follow me. I have fallen into a six drought of happiness but that will clear up soon enough, it just has too. I really think that I will be happily involved within the next 2 years.

Will I marry? lol-no but I will commit and no paperwork will be necessary, I just play the game my way, when you are with me, it’s me only and if you choose to wonder-hell keep on going. It will hurt but I will recover as I am used to being let down and left in the dust.

Emotional Numbness

I saw my son today and he called me earlier and telling me how sorry he was and he was crying. I am emotionally numb and have been so traumatized that I cannot mentally absorb all that has happened. I am a walking zombie because I just can’t understand why and I am really lost right now.

The thing that makes me feel real bad is I have a shitload of energy since he has been gone and I am able to relax. He was really getting me upset and I was just about to flip out. I told him I wasn’t mad at him and how could I be mad at him when he doesn’t know what he is bad about.

I told him he wasn’t coming home for a while because of his admittance that he should have been dead, was a statement he made when he awoke. I refuse to have him come home and finally succeed in killing himself, I just cannot deal with that I will not. I  just got off the phone with the  hospital and they were letting him on the internet. I went nuts on them as I had signed specifically signed that i did not want him on the internet You  see how you have to watch every damn thing when it comes to medical care.

I will be having a meeting with the dr.s, social workers ect tomorrow and I will be bringing that up, damn that pisses me off. I try not to be a bitch, but damn you  are responsible for someone I love and you aren’t doing your job. I find nurses to be lazy sorry but most that I have seen are.

I cannot let Ryan come home because it won’t help him or myself and yes I miss him but I feel such relief and do not feel any guilty just a tremendous amount of sadness. You know it’s very hard to give tough love but I no choice if I want to save him and it sux, yes it plain sux, damn.

Hoe Do You

Are you the type that is in love with two people? One you have access to and the other you are afraid to approach? You are always thinking of the one that is taboo to you, yet you are also happy with the one you are with? Quite a mess you have yourself in wouldn’t you say?

So what do you do? Who do you go to and should you ever meet the one in your fantasy’s? Why are you afraid to meet her? Is it because you know once you do you will never be able to leave her? You know she has that much control over you and you are scared shitless of her, aren’t you?

You have many happy moments with the one you are currently with but you cannot get the other one out of your thoughts and you even think of her when you are poking your gf. Now doesn’t that make you feel like shit? I sure would hope so, so what is your games plan this time Sherlock?

Do you think she is sitting waiting for you? Please do not be that foolish as she waits for no one and lives each day as it comes and if she meets someone new that is great. You do realize her kids will be gone in two years and she will be gone then, so will you miss her? Will you try to snatch her up before someone else does?

I’m sure you know that she will not tolerate another women in your relationship and you also realize she wants you to get it out of your system before you come to her, that’s if you have any plans of meeting her. I can tell you one of the biggest mistakes of your life is not meeting her, trust me you will regret it the rest of your life.

The Path

So what path will you take when you finally find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Will you stay in a relationship that is good but not great and you are treated so well? Will you stay in a relationship that leaves you wondering what it would be like with someone like me?

Do you fantasize about us? Am I even a thought in your mind at all? If you do then you better decide what you are going to do because you are going to hurt one of us. If she is pregnant and you stay with her because of that then you are an asshole simple as that. You are the father and have rights that she cannot take away from you.

I cannot understand why you fear me so, why not bite the bullet and take a chance? Change your world, take a chance-reach out and grab what you want, dammit-you only live once.

Layers Of Life

As we get older it’s as if our lives are like layers of an onion. I am not like the usual person who knows what and where they want their life to head. I have never known what I want to do or be, I am quite talented in sales and can sell anything to just about anyone, I was an electrician, real estate agent, hi -low driver in chemical company,

worked in a restuarant and a fast food restaurant.

I also went to cosmetology school and hotel management and culinary arts degree, which I am 2 classes short of my associates. I have done so many things but cannot find the one thing I really like to do and enjoy. The only thing that comes to mind is taking care of a man.

Please do not confuse me with the wimpy wife as I am not, I just really enjoy taking care of a man and when he shows his appreciation it makes me feel like a million bucks. I love to cook and feed people, it’s the one thing I am damn good at. The thing that tickles me is men think I am so strong and get intimidated by me.

I am such a go with the flow person until I get crossed or pissed, then watch out. I’m the type of person that is ready to go in a minute and will go anywhere, anytime and don’t care. I love a good mystery and just fooling around, I’m a big kid but I am shy until you get to know me.