It’s a crisp fall morning and I am lieing naked on his chest with my hand on his bare thigh. We lie there and he has his hand on my back rubbing my but and he begins to kiss me slowly and so gently. He slowly moves me onto my back and spreads my legs and his body is lieing in between my legs.

He places his head on my chest and I run my fingers through his hair and we are so relaxed and enjoying the cool sheets and the warmth of our bodies. It’s moments like these that make a relationship what it is, it’s the quiet times, the moments of just lieing next to each other without saying a word.

When two people can lie next to each and feel at peace and content I’d have to label that pretty special and if he feels that way when he is with her then he should stay with her, that is if there is a her. I have no idea and it isn’t fair or right to do this to me.

Cotton Candy Kisses

That is something I really miss, cotton candy kisses we used to get in jr. high. I miss the innocence of the first day and being felt up and down for the first time. I miss kissing so much as it is a recreation I absolutely adore, I could kiss for hours because it is just one of those things that I enjoy.

There are fantastic kissers and terrible kissers, and my husband was a terrible kisser unfortunately. I have been told by a lot of guy that I am a great kisser, no shit it’s the truth and I’m not just saying that to make myself feel good. Kissing is hot and exciting, the act of kissing brings out the romance in a relationship.

I wish to be kissing his lips gently right at this moment, his lips are framed by his goatee and his green eye are mesmerizing. I wish to have my hands on his chest and feel his heart beat. Does his heart beat for me or for another? Will I ever know for sure or always be kept in the dark?

He Reads From Afar

I think my stalker reads everything I post because it makes him feel like he is part of my life. That is the conclusion I have come up with after going hmm quite a few times. I am always interested in human behavior and I should have been an investigator as I am always digging to find the answer to the question.

He says he can’t figure me out, well I think I have somewhat figured him out. He is so damn busy with work he doesn’t have time to sleep and he is always on the go. He says he loves me but pretends to be a black man living in Nigeria, which of course he is white and lives here and in france as they are located conveniently for flying all over the world.

What I don’t get is we have been chatting for 3.5 years and I have no idea why he won’t come to me, I wonder if it’s because I have kids and I can’t just pick up and go. I wonder if he is going to stay a mystery to me until my son graduates and I wonder how he could love me, at least he tells me that and he actually sounds sincere. So am I am fool or what?

No Answers

My son is losing it in the hospital, he wanted on the next floor so they put him there and moved his friend down to where Ry was at. Well, the floor Ry is on, they have absolutely nothing to do from what he says and he is bored to tears. It seems that he is realizing that he cannot manipulate his way out of the hospital.

I am concerned about him being in there because he is so upset and crying and I have decided to go to the hospital Monday and see him and talk to the dr. about releasing him. I don’t know if the dr. will go for it or not but my son is learning that no matter what he says in there he is basically screwed.

I hate to hear him crying so hard but sometimes we have to learn the hardest lessons in life the tough way. I really don’t know if I should bring him home or not but I do not think he is going to try to commit suicide again. He doesn’t remember anything of that night but he does know he was suppose to die and he didn’t.

Look where he is at now and he isn’t happy, if he tries to kill himself again the won’t know if someone is saving him or not and he doesn’t want to end up where he is at again. I cannot pretend he is a baby and not see what he is doing and where he is at in life but I do not have the answers to help him.

The Burning Bush

It’s an absolutely lovely day, perfect for holding hands with someone special. The temperature of the breeze is perfect and the leaves have changed so quickly. They have yet to fall to the ground which is so pretty as the leaves are all colors. Fall is my favorite season and then spring, I am not a winter person at all

The burning bush is green during the spring and summer and then fall, fall is the time that her leaves turn blood red and the entire bush is a beautiful red.  It won’t be long before all the leaves leave the safety of their limbs and let go to fall to earth where they become fertilizer for the land.

Bob used to sit at the kitchen table and look over to the house that belongs to the builder. He called him a nazi mother fucker, I just laughed when he said that because he said it so much. I thought to myself, ya he’s an asshole but not worth thinking about. Just about every morning Bob would sit at the table drinking his coffee calling the builder a nazi mother fucker, lol.

I have two more years and then I am selling this house and moving on. My kids will be grown and on their own and so will I, don’t get me wrong I love my kids but I have to find my own way in this world and that isn’t so easy. I do not think my kids would accept any man who I may date, I just do not see them accepting that at all.

I would never let anyone meet my kids that I wasn’t seriously thinking about living with, if I am thinking that way then it’s going to be a permanent relationship. Then and only then will I introduce my kids to him, it’s so much harder for older kids to accept things like this. My kids will just have to live with it and that is all I have to say about that, lol.


I had one kind blogger tell me that I was an inspiration, but I do not see that at all. All I see is a woman struggling against life and trying to make it day by day. I am trying to keep my family together as it has fallen apart and the State has done that, trying to help of course but only hurting us.

I have learned you have to stand up for yourself and if it means becoming a serpent and squeezing your victim to death, then so be it. I have also learned never to take prisoners. I will not allow anyone to walk on me or talk to me in a way that makes me feel bad about myself.

I’m a fighter for sure and I can kick some ass even though I’m 53 I still can throw a mean punch. It was funny when I was in jail because I was the oldest inmate there. I didn’t have any problems except with one black girl who was all attitude from the beginning but I had better things to do than fight with her but I did let her know straight away that I won’t back down.

People tell me I get “to excited” and I should chill out, how can I chill out when everyone is trying to screw me. I asked Brandin what he would charge me to install carpeting in the basement, his quote was 700.00 home depot installs it for 99.00. The guy is a jerk and he will never do any work for me, his wife begged me not to call the police on him for theft and I didn’t but his time has run out.

I’m waiting to see if the prosecutor will take the case or not, if he doesn’t I will have to go to small claims, which is a total pain in the ass.  I just wake up some days and want to slap the shit out of someone and today is one of those days. I’m really pissed at my daughter but can do nothing about her running her mouth.