Not Nice

When you love someone you do not throw their mistakes in their face, you accept they made an error in judgement and move on. Someone I know did something really bad to me and I have forgiven that person long ago, the problem is that person cannot forgive themselves and carries quite a bit of guilt.

I wish they would forgive themselves and look at the good part, they met me because of it and I am a pretty awesome person, just ask me. I am what you see there are no hidden agendas or some grand scheme in the making, no I am just me and I like me.

I try to find the good in everyone and I try to help when ever I can, which is a major fault of mine as I am finding out over and over again, now that is insanity for sure but I just can’t seem to learn my lesson. One thing I do know is I am never going to be wiring money to anyone soon, nope got  my hands full with this one.

Plymouth Rock

Isn’t it amazing how so much history is in Massachusetts how so many intelligent people are in Cambridge. I have never been to Massachusetts but I am sure it’s beautiful and just a lovely state. The great Harvard College is there and the man who stole my heart has attended there because he is so talented and intelligent.

Yes, I know isn’t it amazing my investigating skills? Isn’t it amazing how things just pop up out of no where and the information just proves to me that we will never meet, never be together and it’s all crap, just a bunch of crap. Will you quit lieing already and be a damn man? Why are you doing this to me anyway?

A man doesn’t do what you have been doing to me, a man acts like a damn man and steps up to the plate, out in the open. A man doesn’t act like some twisted stalker that gets off on pics and following someone all over the net. Be the damn man God intended you to be and either come to me or get out of my life once and for all.

Lip Service

He says he is tired of being apart and he thinks of me all the time and will figure out a way to come to me. Do I believe this? No, it’s just lip service as far as I am concerned, just some more words that are just that words. I think he is just trying to keep me on the hook so I won’t go anywhere.

Well, everything comes to an end sooner or later and I do not see us ever getting together. It’s not because I don’t want to, no it’s because he is afraid that something he did to me will come back to haunt him. What he did is done and over with, in the past and it’s over simple as that. If he wanted to be with me he would, simple as that.

I do not know why he insists on hanging on, to what? Pictures and a voice on the phone? I have given up all hope of ever meeting him because I know it will never happen, no matter what he says. I am just not someone he wants to be seen with evidently which is his prerogative.

I’m a hell of a good person and as far as I am concerned it’s his loss not mine and he can keep moving ahead with AB and see where that ends up. Who knows, maybe she is the one he will marry, but I wouldn’t bet on it, nope nada never going to happen but let them play while they can before it blows up in their faces.

France

I wonder what the weather is like in France, I wonder if it is like Michigan is in the fall season. I wonder if France is as romantic as they say or if all of that is just myth. The man that stole my heart is in France right now as he lives there and here as well. He travels extensively and seems to be going in a new direction.

Why he won’t come to me I do not know but it’s starting to piss me off. Why read everything I right and keep looking at my pictures if you have no plans to meet me. Why don’t you just stay out of my life and let me be happy, as happy as you are? What am I just a sideline of entertainment for you?

You know my birthday is coming up and I bet you have no plans of seeing me then either. What do you want? Are you seriously that happy just reading my blog and oggling my pictures? Is that how you find your happiness? Your pleasure? How sad if that is true because I am all that I claim to be and so much more.

I do not want to pose for pictures with you or have to deal with photographers, I prefer a nice quiet existance of just two people being happy together. I guess you and AB are just doing so swell that you don”t need a real woman like me, you settle for what is comfortable and easy.

To Kind

I do not know what is wrong with me as I am to kind to people, always wanting to help them and do for them and of course I get kicked in the face every time. I never seem to learn that I can trust no one and those that are especially nice are the biggest thieves of all. Being a widow is a real juicy tidbit for the scum of the earth.

Being a widow puts you in a separate category all together. Not only are you a woman but also by yourself so why not burn me huh? There is no way the crap that has happened to me as far as getting ripped off by this last jerk would ever of happened if my husband were alive.

I never realized that someone could be so cold and cruel as to rip me off while I was dealing with my son’s suicide attempt. I never would have thought he would go into the garage and help himself to whatever he had room for. The scumbag will get his all in good time as karma will get him, along with me.

Instead of asking me how my son was, he tried to get me to sign a contract with him to do work. He isn’t even capable of drawing up a contract properly. I cannot believe he actually thought I would sign that piece of paper as that was as far from a contract as I have ever seen.

Why do people like me always get used and abused? Why are we the ones people always take a dump on and how can people be so caustic and cold. I have got to learn not to help anyone and let everyone just drown and save my own ship for a change as no one will help safe it for me.

Where Do We Go

I have called the hospital and told them that I want Ryan released today, as a mother I cannot stand to hear my child cry and in such misery. The dr. told me he is basically stabilized on his meds and she didn’t have a reason to keep him there much longer and the insurance wouldn’t pay.

I have given this a lot of thought and Ryan has got to take his meds and that is all there is to it. He has found out that playing games will catch up to him and it has. He isn’t crazy and he has played his manipulation games to his own peril and now he is really depressed because he got caught.

CPS can do nothing for him so I have no choice but to bring him home and I know how the dr.s are in places like that. The Dr. told him maybe next weekend she would let him come home and I know from past experience if you do not act a certain way they use it against you and keep you longer.

You cannot get angry at all and you basically have to do every little thing they say just perfectly or they keep you, it sux but that’s the way it is. I will not let any Dr. “get back at” my son because he didn’t act “right” in her eyes, people abuse their power in all walks of life and you can never trust anyone.

On top of dealing with Ry, this jerk that was supposed to do work for me has ripped me off so bad, the jerk stole saws, my lawnmower, computers are missing and a lot of other stuff. Yes, I filed a police report but he’s claiming I gave the stuff to him so it’s his word against mine and I will probably have to take him to small claims.