Let Love In

There are so many people who love someone but they are not with that person. They are either married, engaged, involved with someone else. If you love someone you should let them know, you should tell them face to face not a text or email, that is tacky.

I love someone so much but I cannot express that love because he refuses to come to me. He claims to love me so much but will not come to me. It doesn’t make any sense to me and there is absolutely no excuse he can use that I will buy. I do not ask for much in this world and I would think he would want to be with me.

Maybe I’m porno to him, nice to look at and use for jacking off. I know one thing I have waited a long time to be happy with someone and yes I am ready to move on past my husband. I am so ready it almost hurts.

I had someone tell me last night that I wasn’t ready to move on, how in the hell can anyone tell you if you are ready to move on after a death of your spouse? How in the hell would they know what you feel and think? I am ready to have a relationship with someone and that is something I do know for sure.

The one thing I will never forget is how my husband died, it was terrible and I still see the blood on my hands and shirt, damn leukemia is terrible as your blood cells no longer can stay together and you throw up blood and it comes out of your nose until you finally die.

I will never forget that day and the timing was so ironic, he passed away at 2 p.m. which was an hour before the kids got home and enough time to have his body removed from the house. He was in a hospital bed and I called and had them take it out of the house that day.

So you see, after that experience and a year and one half later I am ready to move on, I am ready for a committed relationship and yes I am ready to let someone really love me. I deserve to be loved and so do you, all of us deserve to be loved and shouldn’t wait for love to come to us, instead go grab it with gusto.

Man Up

Life is so difficult at times and we are forced to make decisions that will affect others lives. Life requires everyone to man up and fly straight, do the right thing-there are no free rides and everyone doesn’t pay the same price. We try to cheat and sneak our way around things and avoid things but we never get away with it for long.

I have seen more dead bodies than anyone should, besides a mortician of course and I have literally saved more lives than a ems person. I am still standing even though I have tripped a few times, I am still standing. I have had to fight my way everyday for the last 53 yrs. and yes it has been worth it.

What has gotten me through such difficult times? God and the one I love, those two have held me up when I thought I could go no longer, those two have been my saving grace and those two have given me the strength to carry on. Love is a powerful aphrodisiac and it can get you through the hardest of times, if you let it.

3 a.m.

What do you do when you wake up at 3 a.m. and can’t go back to sleep? Do you smoke a cigarette and have a coke? Do you what your cat act like she’s on speed? That is what I am doing at this moment, watching my cat as she pisses in the last plant I have. 

I am to tired to chase her out of the pot and I’m going to throw the plant out later today. It’s things like this you just shake your head. She has a perfectly clean litter box but she prefers to use real soil, wtf why? I think animals are smarter than people and so much kinder, all they want is the necessities.

The dr. asked me to wait till about 4-5 p.m. before I pick up Ryan, that gives him plenty of time to get the information he needs to discharge Ryan. The dr. was looking at day programs, which makes no sense to me at all because he would be coming home, he’s doing really well and I want to get him back to school on Monday.

He has missed a month of school and I do not want him to flunk, the school will work with him so he doesn’t need to get all stressed out about homework. I am going to pick up all the homework he missed and he will do what he can this weekend. It won’t take him long to catch up because he is so smart.

When he found out he was coming home he had a great day and I told him if he wants to get out of the hospital he has to behave himself and go with the flow so the dr. can see he is doing alright on the meds he is on. He claims the dr. has gotten his meds perfect and I do hope so as Ry is such a manipulator.