How Do I

How do I tell someone how much I love them? Words cannot express the depth my heart feels for you, my arms are not wide enough to hug all of you and I don’t know how to make you feel what I feel. I do not want to hurt you and I do not know what you really feel for me, if anything.

I do not know what to do anymore as you will not come to me so I must walk away from you. My heart can’t take the pain any longer and if you love me, really love me you will let me walk away with what little dignity I have left. I look foolish enough in my own eyes don’t make me look foolish in your eyes or others.

We will not ever be hand in hand so let’s just shake and say so long, let me crawl away and hide, let me just say goodbye. It’s not that I want to hurt you, I just don’t want you to hurt me any longer.

Great Sex

How many people have experienced great sex, fantastic sex, the kind of sex that you fall back covered in  sweat and panting like a dog sex?Speaking for myself I have had the best damn sex that anyone could ever experience, yes I experienced all in my own mind.

I write a blog called and I express every sexual dream I have. I am very open and honest but I have yet to meet a man who has made me sweaty let alone overwhelmed sexually. Many women lose sight of how it was in the beginning of their relationship. Most are filled with lots of hot, steamy sex and the relationship ends up in a puddle of lukewarm water.

Maybe I am over sexed for a female but I think of passion when I think of sex, I think of romance too. Sex is just sex without emotion and when you love someone sex is so wonderful. I cannot do one night stands and never see the person again, that just isn’t me. What I would give for an evening of hot, sweaty, sweet sex.

To Deep

I find studying people quite interesting and how they react to different scenarios. I wonder what is going through the person’s mind in the car next to you as they are picking their nose as if gold where in it.I wonder what the lady I saw stealing was thinking when she saw me watching her. 

I wonder what the neighbor is thinking as they let their dog shit on my lawn and I wonder what the chef is thinking as he drops the steak on the floor and picks it up and serves it to his patron. I wonder what the lady with the baby is thinking as she leaves the commode and walks past the sink without washing her hands.

People fascinate me and the way they react varies from one person to the next.  I think the people who fascinate me the most are those that heavy into religion and their church and leave Sunday mass to meet up with his neighbor’s wife. It’s these type of people that are so hypocritical and judgemental and I really wonder how they can be so involved in others lives as they have dirty lives themselves.

I wonder how “he” feels about me, really feels about me and what I mean to him if anything at all. Does he care at all how sad and lonely I am? Do I hold any part of his heart at all? I truly think I am nothing more than a “friend” to him and I see nothing happening further.



Where Am I

Where am I now? I do not know and I have no idea where I am headed but I wish I could be saved from the loneliness and emptiness. My life is so mundane, so vanilla and so boring as hell. There are no moments of laughter or happiness, there are no moments of contentment and inner peace.

Sometimes I feel like walking off the diving board into an empty pool that is twenty feet deep. I am so tired of fighting to survive and I am so fed up with everyone’s lies. What I ask for is way too much I guess a simple hug a simple kiss it’s just to much to ask for.

He’s says we will be together and we both know that’s a lie so why does he keep saying it? I will always wonder why, I need to laugh just a little laughter once in a while I just need a hug once in a while too. I feel as if I am supposed to make others happy while denying myself the same pleasure.

He says he loves me, well if he really did he would leave my life the way he came in. He says these lies and hurts me so but he still continues with his disguise. Does he love me? No, well maybe as a friend but nothing more and if he does he needs to prove it because I am not feeling it.

I Don’t Know

I don’t know what I feel anymore, I don’t know what he ever felt if anything at all. I have no place in this world I feel comfortable and at peace, it’s as if I have to fight constantly. I feel so uneasy in the place that I am at and I noticed when we talked this morning there was silent moments where neither of us knew what to say.

That says volumes and now I know, there is no place with you that I belong. It’s time for both of us to move on, it’s hard to say but I feel it best, that we put this relationship to rest as it is going nowhere and you know it as well as I, it’s been nothing but one big lie. I was there for you and you for me but we are stronger now and we can move on.

It’s not with anger I say these words but a gentler and kinder person inside me now. Three and 1/2 years we have kept in touch but the lies have piled up and left me with so much sorrow. You think I don’t know who you are, yes I do and wonder why you would even think of me as I have nothing left to offer you. 

Don’t feel sad don’t feel lonely you have AB to warm your home and your bed, so just say goodbye and let go, it’s best for both of us don’t you know? I will be I will be ok, I was just stupid and thought one day that you and I would be happy together but I’m not for you as I am not arm candy, like you once said, “have you taken a look at yourself” no I’m not pretty, thin and young I am just me I am a special one.