Odd Bed Fellows

Everyone has a unique way of sleeping, some have a pillow between their knees, some have one under their knees or feet, some hug a pillow and some must have two pillows under their head. Most don’t even recognize the feel of the sheets, I for one notice two things, if I have a feather pillow and at least a thousand thread count sheets.

I know that’s kind of anal but there is only one thing I like more than being in bed and that is in the tub. I love having a master bathroom with a jacuzzi tub it’s so comfy and pleasing in more ways than one, lol..It’s a damn shame all this sexiness is going to waste, roflmao, told you I was an asshole, at least I can admit it and laugh.

Back to bed, when I have a partner besides a cat or dog, more in the male persuasion human species kind, I like to have my head on his arm, hand on chest and right knee next to groin. When I turn over, then I have a pillow between my knees, relieves some of that post surgery pain.

I really like the feel of cool sheets and the softness of them, I like to go for all the “cold” spots in the bed, moving my leg once the bed gets warm underneath my leg. I know it’s weird but I am weird in my own way and it’s ok to be weird and it is damn fun at times as well.

Laughter In The Heart

Being Bipolar is a constant battle to stay positive and my emotions go up and down like a roller coaster anyway as my body has a connection with the moon as does yours. I notice that during a full moon I get depressed for several days and my friends know when there is a full moon on the horizon by the way I act.

It’s nothing a pill can cure or change, no it has nothing to do with chemical imbalance, it has to do with the gravitational pull and the effects the moon has on ebb and flow. It’s a good thing I no longer have a period as well, damn that would not be a good combination for someone, lol sorry guys.

I like to lean towards the positive when I can and have laughter in my heart. I like to get silly and stupid ass shit, just like a kid, that’s me and I will never grow up as to grow up is to grow old and I am not old. The kids across the street and I were playing the other day with the scarecrow and the pumpkins.

We rolled around in the leaves we raked up and I had leaves all through my hair but we had fun and laughing with the kids reminded of when mine were little and the fun we had. I love acting like a kid and laughing and being silly, it makes life worth living.

Ya I’m Hurt

Thought you were going to read about another broken heart, huh? Nope, that’s not the latest and greatest pain, nope I got one just a bit better. My doc thinks I have a torn rotator cuff and he wants me to see an orthopedic surgeon and as far as my hip, he thinks I might have a “rotten ovary” as he put it lol, fucking men.

He thinks I could have bone cancer or something wrong with the female organs, my aunt had bone cancer in her hip and she survived that. I am just to damn mean to have cancer, my cells would kick cancers ass and take names later so there aint no cancer happening on this body.

So off to the other doc next week if I dont end up in jail, that’s another story involving scum and greed. I am trying to survive on social security because I’m disabled and it isn’t easy, let me tell you. I am fortunate compared to most as I have excellent health care benefits.

If  I need surgery that won’t happen for another two years as I have no one to take my son to school or take care of him so I cannot just check out because I need surgery. Being a mom is a twenty four seven day a week  job and it hasn’t been easy being a single mom at that. 


First Love

Do you remember your first love? I bet you do and I bet some of you fools even married your first true love only to get divorced years and kids later. I remember my first true love, his name was Tony Giannola now if that isn’t Italian I don’t know what is, he had blackish brown hair, brown eyes and he was tall.

He used to put his leather jacket around my shoulders when I got cold, he was so damn romantic to, such an Aquarius in so many ways. We would sneak to see each other because I wasn’t allowed to date, like ever and we would walk in the rain holding hands, jumping into puddles spraying each other and making out under a tree to get shelter from the rain.

I sit here with a smile on my face remembering those days and how crazy, silly, in love I was with him. True to form of a male I caught him banging my best friend. Dumb bitch let her foot be scene from under the bed and I dragged her out and beat the shit out of her and slapped him a couple dozen of times and walked out.

I have loved only twice in my life, my first love and recently my last love, not my husband, o no we didn’t love reach other we just pro-created together. I fell in love with a man who I cannot describe to you because he is one of a kind, I’m not saying that’s good and I’m not saying that’s bad. All I can say is I will never love another man the way I love him, there I said it, feel better now, sweetie?

Break Your Face

The only thing I hate more than lieing is when someone steals from me, now that really gets my panties in a wad. Being a female and a widow without a boyfriend I am a perfect target for the scum of the earth to prey on. Recently, I had just that happen to me, my son’s friends dad is a home repair ripoff sob.

My son tried to commit suicide several weeks ago and that is when he struck, he had come over several times before running his mouth and doing nothing. Then when I went to the hospital where my son was in icu with a tube down his throat as his heart had stopped this piece of shit raided my home when I was gone, he got in because I was so scattered I forgot to lock the door behind me.

He stole approx 3 grand of stuff from my house, but what really upsets me is he stole my sons xbox the deluxe one I guess it’s called, my sony headphones and Ry’s new computer I just bought him. This guy really screwed me over bad and I want to just break his damn face as a man doesn’t do like that but then again he is no man.

He even stole some new lingerie I had just purchased, damn I want to kick his balls up to ears so he can have earrings. I filed a police report and waiting to see if the prosecutor will take my case. I do not know how I’m going to do it but I’m going to have to pull an xbox and a new computer out of my ass by xmas.

As I sit here I have a movie playing in my head, I do a serious drop kick on that bastard and then spit in his fucking face. I am so upset about this and I just need to chill and remember it’s just shit, nothing more than material stuff. It’s a damn shame people have to be like that and I know if a man were around he would have never pulled that shit.

He better never come near me because I will punch him square in the nose, several times. I’m  seriously thinking about renting a bedroom to some big bulk of a guy that will scare off the suckers of the world. Hell, maybe trade services, maybe trade more than one service, lol. Just kidding, I don’t play well with little boys, I like the big men……..

The Shell

The shell sat on the bottom of the ocean until a fish swam by and swirled the ocean bottom which sent the shell whirling into the water. This tiny little shell traveled by itself every day and night not looking for anything special on its journey. Then the shell landed safely on the bottom of the ocean and looked up to see all the miracles of the ocean.

The shell realized he really needed some friends after watching the pod of whales swim above. The shell tried to catch every movement of water that went by it and finally it caught a current. Off it went sailing along the ocean bottom skipping across the sand and rocks until it ran into something big and hard.

The shell realized he had run into a squid, of all things. The squid and shell became the best of friends and the squid watched over the shell as if it were  her baby. Then one day a sea creature tried to eat the shell but the squid pulled out his pen and squirt ink all over that creature. The shell was forever grateful for such a wonderful friend and let the squid know by giving a huge hug to him.

The moral of the story is no matter how big or how small, no matter how weak or how strong, friendship is a wonderful thing to have in our lives and a true friend will never turn their back on you

Why Me?

To many people ask “why me” when something bad happens to them, they blame God and curse him. Why don’t people say “why not me?” as no one is special or immune from heartache and pain. I never ask “why me” because I am one of those people who already know “why not me.”

I come from divorced parents who trashed myself my brother and sister, she dumped us on our grandparents to raise us, until money became involved (child support). She took us back and beat the shit out of us daily, she left multiple bruises which required wearing long sleeve shirts in 100 degree weather.

Once I grew up I took care of my grandmother until I found her dead in bed. Fast forward to 2002 when both of my in-laws passed away, 2003 my husband lost his leg do to a dr.s error, I dealt with my husband’s clotting disorder and he was constantly going to the hospital. Then my brother was found dead, he was homeless and mentally ill and quite happy.

Then my aunt died of legionnaires disease, then my grandmother from cancer, then my husband passed from leukemia last year and my father passed of colon cancer in January. So “why not me?” has become words I live by as it helps with such great loss and disappointment.

For those cursing God for what they see as a misfortune, I am thanking God for the opportunity to be there for those I loved and who loved me back. The greatest thing you can do for another human being besides loving them is being able to fulfill their last wishes or be there to have their body handled properly.

To me, the body is just a vase to hold the soul of the person and when the person passes on, their soul moves on and leaves an empty vase.  Funerals are for the living, not the dead as they have moved on and are quite happy I am sure and they are looking down on us with smiles.

I have  learned something from every death and it has come in handy to help others. There are so many people that have asked me about funerals. They want to know how to save money if they could, simply the answer is yes, you can rent a casket and you can join the crematory society in your area.

You can actually plan a complete funeral through them for approximately $3600.00 if you want all the bells and whistles and if you are just less than vanilla and just want go through the oven well that’s approx. $700.00. You can also set it up now and prepay, kind of like cash and carry, lol.

My life reads like a mad novel but that’s ok because good is coming to me, happiness is just around the corner even if that corner is two blocks away. I will never give up hope that I will be loved the way I need to be loved and he need the kind of love that I have to offer, I do believe in happily ever after and I am just sitting and waiting for my after to come to me

I Used Too

I used to want to know you but I am finding that isn’t as true as I once thought, you are a liar, a thief, a user, an abuser and you know it’s true. You have no plans for me in your life, no you never did want to make me your wife, you lay with another and make babies with her, I know longer believe in you, maybe I never did.

Don’t contact me any longer, stay away from my heart as all you do is cause hurt and pain. I am nothing to you and you know it, I know you GOB I know you well, too well for my taste, thank you. Go back to bed with your redhead and stay out of my life because I no longer want to be your wife, your lover, your friend.

I really do not want anything to do with you as you buy what you want, women, wine, song-you purchase everything living the high life, go ahead and continue to live a hollow life and go ahead and marry, move on, leave me behind. I am tired of your games and lies and I really have washed my hands of you.

Can you understand that? No, you cannot because you have had everything you have ever wanted, all you do is open your wallet, well I am not for sale, be smart, be kind send me what you stole from me and mine. Send it in way of a money order with no return address, because I know longer care where you live, France, New York, Milan, Spain I really no longer care who you fuck because it isn’t me.