poly vu france







Ok Mr. Smartass I assumed since you have lived and  traveled all over the world you would speak 8 languages, but I guess 8 isn’t write maybe more like4 or 5????? Why do you feel the need to “show me who is boss”?? Deleting profiles and emails doesn’t make you look to good. You are beyond bored with your life and find some twisted sense of empowerment to hurt me. I could have hurt you really bad as I could have posted your naked pics all over the net, but I didnt because I get no pleasure in hurting others. You have refused to meet me so I am moving on and leaving you behind. I no longer find any enjoyment out of writing because you have killed something inside of me. I have matured quite a bit this year and being a Scorpio, I no longer am a low form like the scorpion which is its own worst enemy by stinging its. I have finally reached the phoenix and it doesnt matter what you do I refuse to react. I reached out to you but you never took my hand so now I am opening up to meeting locals. I pray that you find the happiness you once felt and find peace in your heart. Every time you do something to hurt me it makes me sad.  Yes, at first it was pissing me off but then I handed that emotion to the universe and I feel calm and hopeful that you allow yourself to feel again and love again. Its really a shame you have wasted all of this time not meeting me but I cannot make you. Sending you peace because you have a restless soul that needs quiet.

No I do not speak French but he does, he speaks at least 8 languages and he travels extensively. He is up in France at 3 am reading everything I write and he no doubt wishes he was with me. He knows how much I need him and how much he needs me but he cannot come to me because he chooses not to.

He is as lonely as I but he will not do anything about it, or so I hope. Maybe he is lying next to her and he is happy and comfortable but I cannot see him happy with anyone but me. I am all he will ever need if only he could see that and he could really see me. I am a good person, a loving person but that doesn’t seem to make a difference.

I may not be famous and I may not be rich in dollars but I am rich in kindness and that is what really matters in this world. Everyone is a taker and few are givers, the givers always seem to get burned or hurt and I am no exception. All I know is when I love I love deeply and it is hard for me to let go.

No matter how much we may think we are the perfect person for someone else, if they do not think the same way then all you are doing is setting yourself up for hurt. I know I am perfect for him but that doesn’t keep me from looking for love from someone else who may just be perfect for me.

The Night

Nights are the hardest part of the day for me, the tv is on and I am barely watching it as the show has no appeal to me. I will do what I do every night, go into my room take of my shirt and drop my jeans and crawl into bed naked enjoying the feel of the sheets and their coldness.

I will turn on my right hip and grab the other pillow and hold on to like it is my lover. I will turn on my back and put my hands under my head and think about whatever is on my mind at the time, usually I am thinking about someone special that I wish were lying next to me. 

I look out my sliding glass door and when there is a full moon the field behind my home is lit up as is the sky. Sometimes the tear slide out of my eyes and down the side of head and the tears end up dripping into my ears. Sometimes, I will think of something stupid and laugh but that is rare and uncommon.

It’s such a hard life I live but I am thankful I have good health and dental insurance as most people no longer have such wonderful benefits but mine are guaranteed until I die and my family is covered for which I am thankful. If I ever marry again I can be sure my husband has great benefits as well.

I wish I had someone to hug me, to love me because I need that so much and it’s been so long since I have had that in my life. I will not lie and say I am happy because I am not happy one bit, I just go through the day and the days all run together anymore. I hope life changes soon for me because the loneliness is killing me.

The Child

This child was born at 2:50 pm on January 17, 1995 she is now a young adult who seems not to need her mother, but this is so not true. Children have a connection with their mother’s which is totally different from a relationship with their fathers. A child will forever need their mom and go to her in times of trouble or need.

I have always been totally honest with my children because that’s the way I am and my husband’s health was not good and they watched him leave the house on a gurney way to many times. They never knew if he would live or die and I would tell them the truth when they asked me questions.

Most moms that are having a difficult time with their daughter must remember one thing, children need us always no matter how old they get or how much they think they know. They will always come back to mom and seek out her knowledge, advice or help and you can bank on that.

My daughter and I have been separated since June and I do not see her often but when she needs something she is seeking me out. Just like tomorrow, she wants to come over and have me help her bake something for her pom squad. Moms are priceless and don’t forget it, the place of a mom isn’t always a happy place either.

It’s hard to watch our children fall but we must let them fall and not pick them up, how else will they learn? I hate the thought of watching my children learn hard lessons in a sad way but it must be that way if they are to become the person they are meant to be. It’s a tough job being a mom because you are responsible for everything that happens to your child and they blame you when their life isn’t easy.

I am a mom and a dad and I can tell you I suck at it, I am not a good dad at all and I know it. I try to give my kids what they need but I am unable to do that. I cannot give them their father’s love or do everything for them the way he did, being a dad has to come from a dad and when doesn’t have one it has an impact on a child’s life.

Divorced parents should be responsible and mature enough not to argue and fight and let their children hear them. Keep that shit where it belongs, in your brain not coming out of your mouth. Parents do not realize how divorce has an impact on children and how it can damage them for life.

He Sits

He sits at home on a Friday night with his ipad on his lap and his world revolves around traveling the world but it is not exciting any longer. His world has become boring, without challenge or desire he does what he must for a paycheck, he doesn’t show his real self to anyone.

He thinks others will wait for him forever but he is finding that no longer to be true, he is no longer the man so many once knew. His fame has waned and he remembers the days the roar of the crowd was constant and he had all the fame. He is getting older and so much bolder but he isn’t happy with his current life.

He needs a challenge, he needs something new, his life is no longer exciting but just an ordinary life day after day. He doesn’t see where he could be if he were with me but that is alright because someone else will appreciate the person that I am. I tried to show him how much I loved him but he just couldn’t see.

When he finally realizes I am gone he will wonder what went wrong, he can’t seriously think that I would wait forever to be with him. He threw me away and thinks I will stay there, no way. I am moving on without him and that’s just the way it has to be, I want someone to love me and someone will soon enough even though this has been so rough.

To Find

To find my


Falling apart

To find my


So full of


I love to


It’s something

I just can’t 


A love so honest

And so 


It could only

Be you 

And me

I live in a


Just you and 

Me it may 


But it’s

All a lie

Even though

I may try

To keep 

What I feel


You do not

Want me

And if you 


You would be

With me

For life

And I would

Be your wife

Of Others

All of us go through a “me” phase, a phase where life is all about us and no one else. We do not think of anyone but ourselves and what makes us happy. We may be poor or rich and can buy the world for ourselves and we usually do, wealthy people always want the best and get used to it and will not settle for less.

We tend to put ourselves and our desires first before anyone else, it’s not being selfish or greedy it’s part of growing as a person. After a while we get tired of “loving ourselves” and find that we want to love someone else for a change, we want to make someone else happy, and we want to share our lives with someone.

When you meet someone and the chemistry is right, we end up in a relationship that grows by leaps and bounds. If the relationship isn’t working out right it will show itself as well. It will be the big things that don’t fit well with your big things and the little things, well the little things have no time to show themselves.

I sit home every weekend doing nothing and meeting no one but that is going to change after Monday. I haven’t wanted to get involved with anyone until the crap I have to deal with on Monday is over with and I know I am free to do as I please. Then in December everything will be cleared up.

If you don’t see any posts for a while from me you know Monday wasn’t kind to me and I’m doing my time but I do not see that happening. I do believe everything will work itself out as it always does and I have no control over it and just accept what is headed my way.

The Final So Long

It’s always hard giving up on someone you love but sometimes it’s necessary for our own survival. Sometimes, I just want someone else to take care of me for a change, someone who wants to do something nice for me and someone who knows my true value as a person. It’s not easy moving on but sometimes, well sometimes.

I don’t want to hurt anyone but I can no longer continue to live the life I have been living. I want someone to care for me and only me, I don not want to be a thought or a picture I want to be held and loved the way my first true love treated me, we had so much fun and life was exciting.

I want someone to take care of me and I take care of them, a relationship that allows us to be ourselves, live separate and together lives. I do not want to control anyone and I do not want anyone trying to control me, I want to have someone to cheer on and watch grow and reach their full potential.

I really enjoy watching people reach their goals or their dreams come true, I really like seeing my friends do well and I am not jealous one bit, but honestly happy for them. It makes me happy to see others happy and I wish I could feel happy just for a day, just one day and that will happen eventually.

No matter how much you love someone if they don’t love you as much or more or won’t show you how they feel or come to you then you have nothing. It’s very painful to love someone and they are a ghost, a person never to show you themselves and spend their time with other women.

A man who says he hasn’t had sex in five years is a liar, the only exception is the widower who cannot even fathom replacing his spouse. I have a neighbor like that, his wife died seven years ago and he has dated a few times but he’s so hung up on his wife he really isn’t interested in anyone else.

I am completely opposite, my marriage was not a happy, loving and satisfying marriage in the least from day one until the day he died but we did build a fantastic friendship. Sometimes a great friendship out of a relationship is more important than a seriously in love relationship.

I waited for years but that has finally ran its course I want someone to laugh with, be silly with, someone to hug and kiss, someone to make fun of and laugh at and laugh with, someone to rub snow in their face, someone just to enjoy life with without all the bullshit that usually goes with a relationship, the jealousy, insecurity, lies and so on.

The Pissed Telemarketer

Several years before we could block telemarketers I used to get a ton of calls. This one day I was sick of answering the phone only to find out it was another telemarketer. She made the mistake of asking for my husband so I said to her “he went out a week ago for bread and milk and he hasn’t come back yet, do you think I should go get the bread and milk myself?”.

The funny thing was the way she responded “that son of a bitch” lol, and she told me how sorry she was for me. I thanked her and hung up and laughed so hard I peed my pants. I would never want to be a telemarketer but I do have to say I did enjoy that call and it still gives me a huge laugh today.

It was so spontaneous that I was very convincing and obviously she believed me because she was really pissed for me. It’s nice to know that people really do care about each other and there are still some very good people left in this crazy world we live in. I bet she had something to tell her husband when she got home, lol.

The Stretch

All of us want someone special in our lives and I have taken the stretch and joined a dating site that finds the “perfect one” for me. I am tired of being alone and having no one to share special moments with, someone to play with and someone to be romantic and sensual with.

I have waited for over three years to meet this special person that has been in my life and I have accepted that we will never meet no matter what he says. He likes to read erotic stories and he likes porn and pics of naked women, which I am sure he is getting quite a few pics.

Waiting for something that will never happen is wasting my life as we will never be together so I am trying to find someone who will fill the void in my life. I hope it happens soon because winter is so cold without someone to warm you up. It will be fun to play in the snow and be silly.

It’s sad when someone leads you on for their own private pleasure without thinking about you. I feel that I am nothing more than mild amusement to ease his boring life. He knows how I am and the type of person I am and that isn’t good enough for him so I am going to roll on down the road and let others find the one for me.

I am a unique person in many ways and I am old school 100%, I believe in cooking at home and taking care of my man, I like to make people smile and help people, I am a giver not a taker and I love animals. I am intelligent and do not want someone to support me, I just want someone to enjoy life with.

Roll Playing

Roll playing can be so much fun and exciting if you let it and there are an uncountable amount of ways to do it. People get bored with each other and if you want to keep the eyes and body from straying spice up your life. You can do something as simple as acting like you don’t know each other and act like a pick up.

You can dress up at home and play out all kinds of different role-playing but most people don’t roll play because they are not comfortable with themselves or their bodies. I don’t care if you are stick thin, have an awesome body or like me a bbw, it’s all in the state of mind you are in.

Sex can make or break a relationship as most of you know and if you keep your mate enticed and excited you won’t have to worry about the straying. It all depends on how much your relationship means to you, do you want to be the one to wake up and your mate is gone because of lack of a good sex life or do you want to wake up with a smile on your face?

Film yourself and make a home video that is just for the two of you to share or do some cam sex with your significant other, mix it up keep your life saucy and exciting. Don’t be shy or afraid that you will not be accepted because believe it or not men love when their women are a bit kinky and exciting.