Hand Of Red

I got caught red handed doing a dirty deed and I should fee bad but I do not. I was blogging at dinner last night with”C” and I tuned him out. I got so into blogging it was as if he wasn’t there.

He evidently was talking to me and I was to engrossed in what I was doing so he grabbed my laptop and read what I was writing. This was not good and make him feel real bad after he read the part about him boring me to death.

He asked me why I didn’t let him know I was bored and I told him I had but he just didn’t listen. He was greatly insulted and dinner came to a dead halt and we left the restaurant. He started yelling at me and that pissed me off.

I reminded him I am a grown adult and will not be yelled at like a child and then he said I was acting like one. That did it, home I go get out of the car and he says he will call me, I told him don’t bother. Shit, what have I done?

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Reality

There’s a  new show on tv called “catfish” and it’s about people falling in love on-line but never meet the person. The show tracks them down and the two people meet which is devastating when you think the guy you are in love with is a woman.

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It’s very emotional devastating for these people especially the catfish. People do not realize that these “games” can do some real damage including suicide. The embarrassment one feels is stripping and baring of a heart. 

Playing with others emotions is the worse thing you can do to someone and you can really hurt their lives. People are so damn needy and greedy that they cannot see past their own selfishness.

The catfish falls for all the sweet talk and they feel so much better about themselves but when the truth comes out it is such a slap in the face and we feel so stupid that we lose our self esteem.

Foot Foot Who’s Got The Foot?

I was just thinking how ugly my feet are and how they went from a size 8 to 9 after I had the kids. I have wide feet and it’s hard to find shoes that fit without killing my feet. I have had foot problems since I was a kid and my toes are scary ugly, or at least I think so. My daughter’s baby toe curves in like her grandfather’s.

Bob had a curved baby toe to and I was also thinking about the title of this post. When Bob was in icu, one of the times he was in icu the nurse came in to check his pulse to his feet. She reached under the blanket and felt his left food and then asked him if she could feel his right foot.

He didn’t have a right foot and Bob literally started to cry when she left the room. I felt so bad for him and I was so pissed I told the nurse that he was her only patient and she should have read his chart because that was her job. I went on a serious nut and filed a complaint.

Filing a complaint didn’t change a thing but at least Bob knew that I wasn’t leaving him to the wolves. Anyway, Bob had so so feet I guess , I never gave it much thought except he had little feet size 8. His feet were really skinny like his legs and it just looked odd to me that a man 5’10” would have such a small foot.

Feet are so sensual and I can tell you if someone sucks on your second toe you will feel it clear up into your groin. It is an arousal spot and the nerve runs clear up our legs. Try it some time if you haven’t, I believe you will find it quite enjoyable and exciting.

Blog Calling

I know this is terrible of me but I am sitting at dinner with “C” and I am posting on my blog. He thinks I am writing a letter to my attorney, wow what a bitch I am. I like “C” a lot but he isn’t able to keep my attention for to long, he doesn’t have anything interesting to talk about that grabs my attention.

I just got an inquiry about my rv, I put it up on ebay, hell I would put you  up on ebay if they let me, lol. I am really having a lot of fun with ebay and amazon because I am easily amused, lmao. I have shipped several items to Israel which is expensive but they pay the shipping.

All he talks about is sports non stop which is boring as hell and he talks about his kids non stop. I don’t mind talking about either but you can wear out a topic. He was asking me where I would like to go on my honeymoon, and I am like what honeymoon? He started tip toeing around the subject and I made it clear to him there shall never be another binding ring on my finger.

He keeps insisting I will change my mind someday and I will realize I “need” a man, like hell I do. He keeps asking me to let him take care of me, he makes me feel like a wounded animal, damn.

 

All Different

Ryan got suspended on Friday and I have been trying all week to get him into another school. We finally had our “interview” with the principal and counselor this morning. I think this is a good move for Ryan and myself because this boy is draining me. He is so moody and he is like on an emotional rollercoaster.

He has had it pretty darn rough for a kid and this change may be what the doctored ordered. I have gotten him involved in my little business of selling junk and books on ebay and amazon. We are averaging 1 item per day which isn’t bad considering I only started listing two weeks ago.

There is a trick to selling on amazon and I figured it out pretty quickly and I am thinking about doing an online business reselling on ebay for other people. I know this has been tried in a building and doesn’t work but online may be different. It’s easy enough to make money and maybe it’s not a lot but it does build over time.

The kids get a kick out of me doing the amazon thing because I am selling stuff you never would think would sell, lmao. It is so true one man’s junk is another man’s treasure. Everytime I sell something I text the kids and say cha  ching and they crack up, it’s something all of us can be involved with and it’s fun as well.

My kids make me laugh because they tell me they cannot believe that I am actually getting money for selling junk, lol. They are always asking if I have sold anything else for that day, lmao. This is like a running a mail order business which is so easy as I had several mail order company’s years ago.

The kids are learning a thing or two from their hairbrained mother and I can see I have amazed my kids. You know kids have a way of making us feel invincible and they make us proud of ourselves, kids are just unique individuals who see us for who we really are, crazy or not.

Negative Back Feed

People can be so mean and hateful and when you blog you are doing it for yourself. Some blog to make money, release feelings and emotions, settle problems in their own mind and numerous other reasons. You should never get hurtful back feed you should only get positive feedback.

I was reading a post and the comment made was one that made me want to slap someone. I wanted to reach right through the computer and slap the person that made such a comment. The blogger is dealing with a mental illness and the “commenter” was saying how much he hated people with a certain mental illness.

People with mental illness fight everyday to make it through and it is difficult when you do not have positive around you. Mental illness is so ignored  anymore and thrown to the wayside. Mental illness can be controlled under the right circumstances with the right medicine.

I have bipolar disorder as does my 15 yr old son. I am happy to say I am quite stable and doing fine mentally. My son on the other hand is going through what I went through trying to find the right “cocktail” of meds. Mental illness is usually treated with several different meds and you have got to take your meds.

I hate taking meds but I do it daily to keep the abyss from swallowing me whole. The more I trust myself the better off I have been and the meds help with that. I am making good decisions and thinking of myself for a change. I no longer fall for stupid lines from men or are manipulated by them.

I see my future clearly these days and who will be in it and who won’t, sometimes you just have to cut someone lose if they are giving you what you need emotionally. That is where I am at and I am doing a good job at it to. I have reached the limit of no return and it’s about time I take control of my life.

Sports Thighs

Well this appears to be my lucky month as I am meeting another guy, he is a bit young 32 but he is ready, willing and able. He is 6’4″ and skates behind a hockey stick professionally. I have been chatting with him on skype and he seems to be looking for the exact same thing I am.

I love tall men and the taller the better and handsome, omg definitely and he is Italian on top of it all. I think I fell in a bucket of shit and came out smelling like the rose. I think I might have found myself a new photographer who knows and the best thing of all is I just got some hot new dresses.

Let me just say the dresses are revealing all over and if you wore a garterbelt you could see it. I think I will wear it the first time we meet strictly for shock affect, lmao. I so love shocking people and watching their reaction because people would never expect to have someone take off their jacket and you can see their body, like really see it.

Doing things like that is what I love to do, they are spontaneous, funny, shocking and flooring to people and their reactions are priceless. I know I am immature and childish, disgusting and revolting but damn I am fun and I can keep myself entertained quite nicely.

“C” Ab

I think a muscular body is so hot on a guy and thighs and calves really get me going. I also like that little spot where the thigh meets the butt, ohh  la la and then there is the six pack that makes me just want to do bad things. “C” has an awesome chest and he is so sexy but I can’t seem to do anything but friendly gestures.

I like his chest and the feel of it on my face and him running his hand through my hair as we are chatting. It’s so natural yet so odd at the same time. I am guilty of doing the most insulting thing that you can do to anyone without them knowing it, I think of someone else which I hate doing.

 

I find myself fantasizing about “him” which isn’t fair to “C” but I cannot help it. I fantasize that I am with “him” but I cannot have sex with “C” because if I do, I would feel “soiled” if “him” and I ever met. I know that is stupid but I am the way I am and I have morals and ethics I just cannot throw away.

Want It

When you have feelings for someone it always feels so good to tell them or show them. I have feelings for two men now and I really do not know which one to choose. The one that is doing flips for me is making me very happy and the one that I am not sure how he really feels is always on my mind.

So what do I do? I do nothing because when I can’t choose I think about it for a few days then make my final decision. The one that is long distance show me nothing but games so that is his first strike. I can afford not to settle for less than I deserve because I am seeing people for who they really are.

I am eliminating the old and useless and opening the door for new and useful. It doesn’t matter what your feelings are for someone else because you have to put yourself first no matter what. Nobody is going to come and take care of me and I know that so I put myself first for a change.

I have finally built a suit of armor for myself and I am not so easily pushed over. I have reached my “fed up” point. I am fed up with people trying to railroad me and use me, I am fed up with the games and lies and I am fed up with being ripped off. I am taking back what is mine and walking away from people and things I no longer want.

Education Station

Well, my son managed to get himself suspended from school last Friday. I have been trying to get him registered in a high school down the street for troubled kids. There are pregnant teens, teens with babies, drug and theft issues and you name it.

The high school has daycare and special counseling for these kids. Ryan will hopefully fit in and I am sure he will. I also think he will be very helpful to the girls because he loves kids and is so good with them.

I am so hoping he gets a girlfriend and I think this school is the perfect “catching” ground for him. He hates school and I can’t blame him because he gets so bored because he is to smart, like his grandfather was.

Both of my kids are very smart and Shelby will probably be valedictorian or valedictorian. Ryan excels at the classes he likes and he hates religion and going to mass. He wants me to take him to school so he can get his things from his locker.

I think he wants me to take him so he can tell the principal to fuck off. The principal will get pissed and look at me for parental take over but all I would be able to do is look at him and tell him I agree with Ryan.

Sometimes, you have to take your kids side when you feel the same way and not be a hypocrite and do one thing and say another. I think I will take him so he has something to brag about to the new kids he is to meet.

I am so thrilled these kids have someone to talk to, in fact numerous people to talk to and as soon as my son gets a gf, it’s condom shopping straight away.

I hope he knows how to use them because I am not showing him, well maybe I guess I can get out a banana but then I would embarrass the shit out of him. I am sure he knows how to use one, I think-hell I don’t know.