Dead Wood

Are you proud of

What you have become?

Someone who hurts

Others just for fun

You made promises

You never meant to


You are a liar

You are a thief

You hurt others

Just like me

You ask for money

Like I was your


You hurt me


You hurt me


But who have

You really hurt?


You have lost

Me for good

But we were never

Anything but

Dead wood



Roll On

No this post isn’t about deodorant, it’s about the end of a relationship and letting go and why we stay in unhealthy relationships. People do not like, they hate rejection and live in denial as I have. I have denied the truth for years and held on because it’s what has gotten me through or so I have thought.

People do not want to give, they do not want to give up material possessions and emotional ties do bind. We try to keep together a relationship that we should have let go long ago but we hang on hoping. He has led me to believe that one day we would be together and I have been stupid enough to actually believe him.

The change has been coming for some time and that is how relationships end, first there is some type of disagreement or we finally see the person for who they are and they no longer fit in our lives. Then it slowly falls apart and there is no rebuilding it and that is where I have finally gotten myself.

There is no relationship and never was, it was nothing more than someone using my emotions against me and even though I did think he was my soulmate, I have realized he isn’t the person for me and has nothing to offer me to make me happy. He can live at the Mona Lisa in France or with his gf I really do not care.

He uses names like Reggio, Emanuel and Mario, he is nothing more than a dating scammer that no longer can make the money he once did when he was famous and so many wanted him. His hey day is over but not his rich taste and he steals from women like me to keep up his lifestyle and impress his gf.

He is never going to come to me and I know that for sure now and he can continue trying to be someone who others want to know and rub elbows with but not me. I am not as shallow as he is and never will be and I really do not want anymore contact what so ever and I will delete him at every turn.

Forget Me Forget You

You will get tired of the dating games and when you do look me up, maybe I will still be available who knows? You better step up if you dont want me to forget you forever and yes that will happen as I have finally met someone that has my interest but I am giving you a chance before I open up to him. Once I let him into my life and my bed you will no longer be anything to me, not even a memory. It’s up to you but I wouldn’t wait any longer to contact me if you really want me and if you don’t o well.

When someone insists on contacting you on the internet constantly but can’t remember to say happy birthday to you then they are no friend or any kind of companion. It’s another quiet evening at home and the kids made me a cake but he couldn’t even call me and wish me a happy birthday.

Does it hurt? Sure it hurts but it has only solidified the closing of the door and I really no longer want to keep going on this way and I will not continue with his games. Today has come and gone as tomorrow will do the same and the day after that and each day will get easier until he isn’t even a faded memory.

You can ignore me on important dates but I can ignore and write you off as easy as writing a check that is going to bounce because of you. I have a long memory a very long memory and when someone hurts me I really do not have much trouble disposing of them from my life.

In turn, I can give the world and all the love someone could ever want or need and wasting it on someone who makes no time for me is a complete waste of what I have to offer. I am special in my own unique way and I will not let anyone make me feel less than I am and that is how he has been making me feel.

Why do we try to hang on to things or people who do not want us? Why do we waste time on people who are more impressed with themselves than anything else. I am finally getting my head in the right place and it doesn’t include him. His birthday is February 1 and I am sure he will be spending with someone new.

Hasn’t he figured out that he isn’t all that and that is why he can’t keep a healthy relationship? I don’t have a relationship because my husband died last year and I haven’t dated. He only the other hand can’t get back the woman he wants because she doesn’t want him romantically, he is nothing more than a friend to her but he can’t see that.

I don’t want him as a friend let alone a lover any longer, he doesn’t know me anymore than I know him but I do know I am not a thief or a liar, I am not a user or need my name in lights like he does and as far as I am concerned he has lost one of the best friends he has ever had.

This is the beginning of my life getting him out of it and if he thinks I will change my mind he doesn’t know me at all. You cannot trifle with my emotions because I do not take kindly to superficial crap from anyone. He has cut his nose off spite his face and he will one day regret all that he has done.

So You Want It?

People want, want, want-they want to be wealthy, thin, beautiful, live the high life, own homes and car and closets full of clothes. I learned that none of this is important because it gives you nothing but instant satisfaction. Sure buying shit makes us feel good but at the end of the day there is no emotion from these items.

I look at what is really important in life and that is people, people give hugs and kisses, people give empathy and understanding and people are what makes life worth living. Some of us want people we can’t have and there are people who want us but we do not want them.

I no longer want to let anyone near my heart because they do not appreciate what I have to offer as a person. My circle is extremely small because I like my solitude and privacy. I am learning that love always has a price tag and that is hurt, I no longer will let anyone near me because all they do is use me and lie to me.

I am so innocent on several levels but emotionally I am very weak and need to be nurtured. All of us need to be loved and nurtured but the pain it can cause us makes some of us want to forget it ever existed. The person that I have had feelings for is wealthy and famous but he is finding out not even his standing in life can make his private life any happier.

Take your money and wipe your ass with it, take your private jet and fly the skys until you run out of gas because you are headed for the side of a mountain. You are not special, you are not different, you have just been dealt a hand to make your life easier but are you happier?

If money makes you happy then you are shallower than any person I may know, and no I do not want your money or standing in life, in fact I no longer want you because I am finally seeing you for the person you are, which is nothing to me or my life. I am hurt but will get over it but will you get over no longer having me to chat with or play or little boy games.

You have hurt me so bad and do not even care but once you are hurt it’s a different story now isn’t it? You do not enjoy feeling emotional pain anymore than I do but you do not appreciate who I am and what I have to offer as a person, lover or friend. Go on your way and do not look back because I will no longer be standing there.

Tears Of A Clown

I am not the only person that let’s others see a false face, a face full of laughter and happiness. I am sitting here wondering why the tears are welling up and getting ready to roll down my cheeks. Today is supposed to be kind of special for me but it is just another huge blow up in my face.


Birthday’s shouldn’t be special for adults but for me it is kind of “my day” that isn’t mine at all. It’s just another day on the calendar that means nothing to anybody other than they get Monday off for Veterans Day. I am a veteran of loss and lonely souls, where promises are nothing more than lies and no hugs or kisses.

There is no one to make me feel special, no calls, no cards-nothing as if I never existed. I am very sad on several levels because today is the end of a “relationship” I thought I had but never did. I no longer believe in dreams and ice cream, love or making love, I no longer feel like a person, just a scab ready to flake off.

I have invested to much of myself into loving someone who loves another so today I stop being the doormat and start being the door. The one thing about me as a Scorpio woman is I am very deep and love even deeper which makes it hard for me to let go. Today has been such an eye opener for me and I have finally accepted the fact I mean nothing to anybody.

I do not feel sorry for myself, no I just am letting go finally and yes it’s as painful as any death could be. He thinks I am just talking as usual but not this time. This time it is finished and I will cut off my hands before I ever reach out to anyone again, my love is special, unadulterated and pure but he doesn’t feel it or see it.

Why do I do this to myself? I am not a hopeless case that no one will ever love or want to share a life with, I am not ugly or stupid and yes I am a bbw and I am a beautiful soul and person always doing and giving to others. I was there for him and yes he has listened to me but I need more than an ear filled with wax.

He won’t even know I am gone that is how much he loves me but that is ok because he is wasting his time on someone who will never want to be with him again. I want him, he wants her so it’s time to cut my losses and move on and I am doing just that because I will no longer wait for someone who waits for someone else, which isn’t me.


So Over It

I have let myself fall in love with someone I will never meet and I have let this person have my heart for numerous years now. Today, is the beginning of my new life as I put this person in a chest and out to the trash. He doesn’t care about me and I woke up realizing this.

I will no longer chat with his numerous aliases, listen to his bullshit about his love for another or wait for him to show me one bit of affection. Today is my 53rd birthday and I do not expect to get even a card from him. This situation has finally come to a screeching halt.

I will no longer give him a minute of my time or day and if he were any kind of man at all he would return what is rightfully mine, but he won’t. Even though I have been saying for months that I am through, today did it for me, I never want to hear from him again as he has ripped out my heart and left a huge gaping hole there.

So go to your girlfriend that you so love and forget you ever had anything to do with me as that is what I am doing with you. Even a friend remembers another friends birthday but you couldn’t even do that one little thing for me, so goodbye, fairwell and go to hell.