Secrets

I met this hot guy months ago but he was involved with someone and I don’t play that way. Last night while at the store I ran into him and I invited him to have a bday drink with me. We ended up closing the bar and he drove me home because I do not drink and drive. He undressed me and put my drunk ass to bed.

I woke up in his arms which was a huge shock because I do not remember much of last night. He got up and ran to the store and got stuff for an awesome breakfast. He served my hung over butt in bed and he was so sweet, he told me he didn’t take advantage of me which I really appreciated.

We spent the day together and had a blast, that is once I felt better. It was really nice to hold hands and walk in the park and share lunch. I wasn’t expecting to be this close to him so quickly but I had a great day and he just left about an hour or so ago. He is calling me tomorrow and maybe we will get together again.

He is exactly what I need to fill my lonely heart and he makes me laugh, a lot. Letting go of something and someone who doesn’t work for me is the best for me and I do believe I finally have found someone who will help me enjoy life for a change instead of crying over it. It always helps to have someone help you get over someone else.

It doesn’t mean I am in love with him or even near it but I do like him and he is fun and that is all I care about at the moment. He is a fantastic kisser which I so love and he is so damn romantic and we seem to mesh well together. Don’t you know his bday is the same as my son’s, another Aquarius in my life, o baby this could be the beginning of something wonderful.

How’d It Go?

Did you happen to go out on a date tonight? Get laid? Probably not but who knows and instead of being with someone who cared for you, you chose to see someone else. The choice was yours and you threw away someone pretty awesome to try to build something new with someone new.

I hope it was worth to you because  you just made the biggest mistake of your life and you will find out soon enough. Do you feel that the person you left behind isn’t good enough for you? Well then you are an ass and have fooled yourself by beauty and you will find how shallow this new person is.

Either way, you are a loser in the grand scheme of things and you cannot undo the damage you have done. Some people have to learn the hard way and wonder why they aren’t happy. You cannot continue to expect someone to wait for you because they will find say forget it and move on.

When you hurt others believe me it will come back to hurt you twice as much and the person you hurt may not accept your apology and probably won’t. So, I do hope your evening was worth what you have lost because there is no getting it back, not now not ever and remember that.

The Coal I Am

The saying “I am your rock” is commonly used but I prefer to think of myself as a piece of coal. Coal is natural, it is fuel and with enough pressure it becomes a diamond. I am a diamond and part of me is still “in the rough” but will become brilliant in time. Only a person that can see depth can see the real me.

There is so much of myself I have not let others see for fear of what they might think or use against me. I have learned I can never trust anyone fully and that has kept a part of myself hidden in the dark behind the door in the back of the house. Trust is so hard to give to others because we learn early that trust is broken easily.

I have no one I can trust even a little because people are users and that is today’s society. It’s sad that I cannot open up to anyone or let anyone in. Letting people know the real person I am is only going to end up with me being hurt again and again. I am not the only one to feel such loss and disappointment in the people of this time.

I expect a lot from people because I expect so much of myself and I am driven to succeed at whatever I have approached. I am head strong and determined and I expect that from others but it never happens. People are lazy and want everything to come to them easily.

Nothing comes easy for me, not a damn thing and I have learned so much which makes me a jack of all trades and master of none which doesn’t make my life fun or exciting. When I make up my mind, really make up my mind I can do anything and that is one thing that is quite admirable, or so I think so.

The Game Of Scamming

I used to be so naive to scammers on the internet until I ended up being a victim, not once not twice but three times. Then I started paying attention to the emails and im’s and they are screamed scammer. There are so many scams I couldn’t even begin to list them but if it seems to good, it is.

There are the dating scammers that befriend you and three emails later they are in love with you and want to marry you. They get you to wire them money and they have poor writing skills. They pull images off the internet and you cannot trace their emails or ip address.

There are several precautions you can take to protect yourself:

copy and paste the pic of your new “interest” onto your desktop, then go to reverse image search at tineye.com and follow directions, the image will be located if available and they usually are.

Go to ip-adress.com – this site can trace the ip address from the header of  any email

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE EVER OR PERSONAL INFORMATION IE; your children’s name, what you own, where you really live.

When joining a site do not use your real information unless you are placing an order with a reputable company.

Pet sales and scamming has soared as well so be very cautious

 

 

Who R U?

Do any of us really know what are purpose in this life is? Do any of us know what we truly want to accomplish? Do any of us really know what love is or is it just an emotion we follow? I can honestly say I do not really know what love is because I have never experienced it.

There was no love in my family ever and my mother was nothing more than an embryonic incubator. She was lacking the love of a mother and chose to be physically and abusive. We are given the opportunity to either walk in the shoes of others or to go in the opposite direction.

I have gone in the opposite direction and I believe the reason I let myself fall into a “relationship” that has been unfullfilling is because I do not know what it’s like to be fulfilled. I do not know what it is like to be loved without being used at the same time and I do not know why love has been so hard for me to find.

My life has been filled with so much pain that I have no choice but to believe it is the only way I can pay my karmic debt. Love has abandoned me for lessons, hard lessons to learn. I also believe I am the way I am because I have been given a mission to complete before I die.

I believe I make others life easier because it is my destiny to do so and one day I will have earned the happiness that is due to me. It’s going to be with someone who deserves me and I deserve them, we will have a common bond to help others as that is what I do best.

I am not one to hurt others and I feel empathy for so many and can actually feel their pain. I do not harbor hate but anger yes because I have allowed myself to be used and toyed with. This behavior stopped today as I was hurt very badly by the lack of consideration of another.

People can hide for only so long and the real person comes out and we can hide from ourselves for only so long and then we finally look in the mirror and see the real person behind the face. We see our insecurities, failings and where we need to grow and I saw that person today staring back at me.

I cannot blame others for hurting me because I have to blame myself for letting them and when I stop letting them is when they will stop hurting me. Blaming others isn’t solving the problem it only makes us deny the truth within ourselves. We are responsible for what happens and how we feel.