The person I project to others is not the person I really am inside but it’s easier to hide behind a smiling face when one is crying inside. My friends know that I am like two people and the real one is always hidden from sight because it is a safer life that way.
People do not realize that those that are laughing and joking are usually the ones that have a tremendous amount of hurt on the inside. To show that to others is to expose the raw and painful part of our lives and people like to use what they can against you.
I am always the one to make others laugh because it helps to keep the pain hidden and to let others know how much I have suffered in my life isn’t something I discuss with others. I can write about it and post it for others to read but they do not know me and I do not have to worry about being slapped in the face with my pain.
If you are the type of individual that will stoop so low that you will use painful information to throw in someone’s face then you fall right in line with kids. Kids are mean and hateful and they can do so much harm to themselves as well as others. I recently had someone use my own pain against me.
He threw in my face the problems my son and I have had and that is really so wrong. I could have said some very mean and hateful things back at him but I limited my hurt and anger. At this point I really do not want to talk to this person again because it shows me a part of this individual that is to ugly.
I put myself out there for myself and if you want to judge me by my life experiences then you really need to take a damn hard look at your own life. None of us have lived a perfect life and none of us have the right to condemn anyone else for trying to better themselves.
I use my blog as therapy and not to impress or depress others and yes I have left myself open to condemnation. Nobody really knows me and that includes myself but I do know I am a good person that doesn’t get off on hurting others. People see how crazy I can be on the outside but they have no idea how deep the pain has run in my life.
I am not one that wants sympathy, I just want to cleanse my soul of the hurt so I can have healthy relationships with others. I am doing the work necessary to have the second half of my life be happy and fun and I really wonder how many other people face their demons and eliminate them.
I am secure enough to let others read about my life and the ups and downs and I am always open to positive criticism and helpful advice. Taking the time to write about what has been so distressing in my life is a positive step to growing and letting go of what I have harbored for way to long.
If you want to know me then sit down with me and let’s have a chat, a real heart to heart. Don’t assume or presume because you will never know me that way. If what you read tells you I am one really fucked up person then you are a complete ass because all of us have things we do not like about our lives or experiences that have shaped us that we do not share.