It’s Coming

The mornings are beginning to be very cold and ice is forming on the windshield of my car, which should be in the garage but once again I am working on the God forsaken riding lawnmower. I do hope to get it running again and I can put the snowblower attachment on it. You have no idea how romantic it can be working on a greasy engine, lol.

Ryan, James and myself went out to dinner tonight and it was a nice evening for a change. Ryan seems to have been shaken up by talking to a friend about what he did the night he attempted suicide. He has been in dismay and shock because he doesn’t remember a lot of that night and that has scared him.

I started seeing a new counselor today, Barbara just got to forceful on her own opinions of how I should run my life. Gina my new counselor explained to me that I was still grieving and that is why I am confused and feeling lost. That explains quite a bit and helps me feel better because I thought I was going crazy.

I am trying so damn hard to put “him” behind me and it isn’t easy but I must do it. I wish he wouldn’t have told me he wanted to be with me and we would be one because it is nothing but a painful lie. It was a pretty dream but all of us have to wake up eventually and it looks like I finally have.