Don’t Believe

How do we let ourselves fall in love with someone we have never met and all the conversations are either on computer or phone. Why would someone scam me and then keep following me even though they get no more money from me?

It’s been like four years and he reads every post and contacts me on my fb under so many different names. He knows I know who he really is so why isn’t he smart and just move on? He has never had a single plan of meeting me so what gives?

He has never had a real relationship in his life I do not think he is capable of one even though he was married. I sure would like to talk to that milk man because not a single one of his kids look like him and his profession kept him on the road a lot.

I think he feels safe with me and he has come to rely on me to be there for him when he is bored and lonely, which is every day. If he loved me you would think he would want to make me happy by leaving my life but he is selfish and thinks only of himself.

I also think because of who he is people kiss his ass and blow smoke up it as well. I tell it like it is and I do not think he is used to a confident, self assured (most of the time) independent female that doesn’t want him.

It really is sad to have it all financially yet you do not know who is real in your life or who is using you and how many women are with you because of your name. I think living life that way is worse than any heart break.

He lost me and doesn’t care and neither do I because I have finally met a real man who cares for me and treats me fantastic. We still have the no presents issue that he keeps ignoring and I keep putting the gifts back in his car.

A real woman doesn’t need presents or fancy evenings, a real woman enjoys snuggling by the fireplace and just enjoying his company, but how many real woman are out there? Men love a confidant woman especially one that won’t take their crap and I am not taking any of his.

Him The Man In

A real man looks at a naked sick woman with empathy and he wants to help her not fck her and that is the case with “C”. He came by with some soup for me because I haven’t been feeling well and he helped me get into the tub because my shoulder is so bad.

It had to have been the oddest conversation I have ever had with a man as I soaked and he washed my hair and my back. He is to much of gentleman to go into the unknown without a permission slip. He dried me off and put me to bed and crawled in next to me.

Both of us naked and all he did was hold me, no traveling hands, no erection touching my body, just his arms and my head on his chest. I woke up to the sweetest love letter next to my pillow and this man has won my heart, hands down.

He warmed up some message oil I have and he gave me a massage before I fell asleep, this man is a friggin keeper, for sure. He is a bit put back by my nakedness and he says I make him “struggle” for composure.

When you are comfortable with being naked around others you do not get aroused, it’s just a natural and acceptable state and most people wear those hideous threads instead of their birthday suit. I am shocked he made no move on me but it showed me how much he really respects me.

I have warned him not to fall in love with me but he isn’t listening and I hope I do not hurt him. He told me he thought I was too intelligent to waste my time with someone who won’t make time for me and he is right.

He is making the forgetting so much easier and he is so romantic, that is what I adore about latino men, they know how to treat a lady and it has to do with their strong Catholic upbringing. A latino man can be worth his weight in gold and that is what attracts me, the latin lover.

Us Anew

“C” and I had a good talk today and we cleared the air and I explained how I feel about letting him know about my current set of problems. I have told him how bad things have been and I told him about the other “him”.

He has been so supportive and he would really like the other “him” to go away and let him try to make life fun for me again. He knows I was scammed and that the scammer still contacts me regularly and he wants me to close my facebook, which isn’t a bad idea.

I like my fb but if I have to close it to get him out of my life then I guess I have to close it. It’s not like I have real friends on there, I have one and he is an old boyfriend from high school. His wife died of cancer and with Bob dieing of cancer as well, we have a common bond.

I like “C” a lot and he is so damn handsome with that long dark hair and those eyes, those damn eyes are gorgeous and I think it’s time to get physically close. I just need that touch from another body and I do not mean sex.

I like being naked and feeling skin on skin and yes I want to have sex with him and I have no reason not to now do I? I believe it’s time to let a man in my life and my body and I am so attracted to him that holding back is so damn hard.

I like spooning naked and feeling a man against my tailbone, I enjoy a man’s arm resting on my breasts and I enjoy the smell and feel of a man. I have denied myself this wonderful pleasure for many years but this week that will all change, finally.

I do know that once we have sex there will not be anyone else in my life, not online, not on facebook no where because I cannot be involved totally when there is a distraction. So I am eliminating all distractions and moving forward with this wonderful man.


He was living in Elmhurst when I first was scammed by him and I have kept meticulous records on his actions and I can tie him to events on any given day. He really needs to learn that a fluorescent green tie and blue shirt make him look like an amateur.

Scammers never meet their victims and never fall in love with them either. They steal from you and keep taking until you stop giving. He can’t face me because he isn’t man enough too. He stole from me with delight but has no balls to meet me.

He gets off on reading my blog and seeing the mention of him every once in a while but even that is waning. He knows he isn’t good enough for me and I have no feelings for him any longer. I just want him to go away and leave me alone.

Ok, he’s rich and famous and I guess I should trip over myself wanting his autograph, write? WRONG a man who steals from women is no man and he even went as far as to send me a pic of himself sitting naked on a lounge by the pool holding up his member as it saluted the camera.

Men are ignorant and stupid when they place so much importance on their member, like that makes the man. I have no doubt his “friends” will set him up with a new piece of ass and then once again that relationship will dissolve.

He has never been a husband even though he was married, his position in life kept him on the road more than in his own bed and he wonders why his marriage failed, miserably? He used to be very attractive but he lost that appeal when he turned to meet others standards of his appearance.

I guess it must make him feel good to know I had this undying love for him but it is gone and I no longer even dream about him. His time is done in my life and I waste not a single heartache on him and don’t even have respect for him.

When you feel this way about someone you can consider it over because as far as I am concerned it was over long before it had begun. I hope he finally gets the slap in the face he needs to leave my life and leave me alone.


So Sleepy

I think I fell asleep around 4:30 this morning and I know I was crying because my pillow was wet this morning. I have no answers nor does cps when it comes to Ry. They understand that there are no answers but I noticed Ry pulled this crap on the night Shelby came over.

I have to stay firm and not take Ry back for quite some time because he is killing me slowly. I refuse to wear the cloak of the failing mother because I didn’t fail, the world failed me and my son. I am holding back the tears but the damn is going to break and I am afraid I will wash away with it.

What does he want from me? Why can’t he be at least a little happy? Why can’t I be happy? Is there happiness in this world or is it all a lie we live and tell ourselves. I have no one to love me but I am not trying to kill myself, what can I do? What can cps do? What can anyone do?

It’s so damn hard to watch your child live in a self imposed exile from the world but I cannot change his reality or his fantasies. As far as “him”, I have changed my mind and will not expose his true identity because I want him to go away and just cutting him out of my life is best.

He could sue me but that wouldn’t look to good on his behalf but knowing the con he is he would blame my bipolar disorder and he would say I am crazy instead of being a man and standing up to what he does. He is nothing but a fuck that I do not want to know ever and I have no desire to know even a bit of him.


loath·ing   [loh-thing] Show IPA
strong dislike or disgust; intense aversion.

love   [luhv] Show IPA noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
sexual passion or desire.
a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

How does one go from loving someone to loathing them? How can you wake up one day and no longer want someone in your life? I woke up on the day after my birthday feeling that way about someone and yes I loathe him. I want nothing to do with him, our contact has run it’s course and it’s time for him to be gone for good.

This isn’t another emotional outburst, no this is a definitive move on my part, finally. He is reading this and saying to himself, no she isn’t serious again but I am that is the kicker, yes I am finally done. This is it amigo, I am done with you for good and I do wish you well, but you will always do well for yourself won’t you?

Don’t contact me seriously do not waste my time or yours-go get a life, a girlfriend a wife but not me.

Anger Management

I think some of you can tell I have that female scorpio temper and you are so right! I do not get really pissed often because I let that shit build up inside like the piss on the bottom of the toilet seat, ya guys while you’re drawing your gf’s face in piss in the bottom of the toilet, that shit is splashing.

I do not get pleasure out of hurting anyone but then again they didn’t seem to mind hurting me now did they? I have enough evidence to back up any claims I post and people can run but they can never completely hide. I have records going back four years on a certain individual and he is so full of himself he wanted me to know who he was.

I think that is why he follows my blog, he is waiting for his picture to be posted, mon chere’ your time is coming.

I wasn’t impressed than and I am not impressed now and I admit I fell in love with a non entity for years but I recently woke up and I am cleaning out my closet. Out with the old and non useful to the new and useful and I feel nothing, I am not sad, upset or regret a single decision I have made this month.

Next month will start with a bang as well as I go on trial for a felony, ya going into my deceased dad’s home. Cops are stupid and they are lining my pockets with money from their own ignorance, thank you gentlemen. I have been trying to get this trial over for several months now and December 5th will be the finale.

Once I get on the stand and the probate judge’s statement is read it’s all over with and the prosecutor loses, dumb bitch.


Tell us Who are you? Should I do the introductions for you Mr. Famous and Wonderful, in need of a new publicist I can see by the lack of more vids posted-

Are you getting afraid? You damn well should be you fuck——-


You think I want to hurt you? Well, bingo motherfucker I want you to hurt like you have hurt me and no I will not be fooled again–


I will eventually spill your beans all over this blog but for now I want you to fucking squirm like the worm you are–


I’m Telling

LOL, wouldn’t you love to know who this rich and famous person is that is a closet creep? LOL, he is very famous all over the world, has a bronze statue made of himself by a city, known as a real attractive, rich guy, has a sensitive side, an accomplished scammer and pathological liar.

When these type of people go through a divorce they are forced to give up millions, maybe even billions and that cramps their lifestyle. They paint a picture of living as a pauper giving everything they earn to the care of their soon to be x and the kids. They run in a ritzy circle of the elite and he plays the rich games.

He donated the winnings which had a two-fold effect-his at that time soon to be x gets pissed off because she can’t touch donated money and two it makes him look like the image he has portrayed for years. A damn smart move from where I sit but he has become so jaded and he is not being who is supposed to be.

I have no idea why he has latched on to me because I have no use for a man who has more miles on his penis than Air International. I used to want to be with him but then I found out who he really was and slowly I have lost interest in him. I know that sounds odd but I am a very simple person who lives a simple life and I plan on living that way forever.

He on the other hand probably has someone wipe his ass for him because he isn’t shy as he makes out to be. Maybe he is interested in someone who has no interest in him because it’s a challenge for him. Life has gotten stodgy for him lately I assume and he hangs onto me for shits and giggles.

I wish he would go get married or something stupid like that so he would keep himself busy. I hope he marry’s someone really jealous because he likes his freedom so much and a jealous woman would make him crazier than he already is. The best thing that could happen to him is getting his peter caught in the zipper of his jeans.

Just for the record, I do have one asshole in my pants already and I do not need another-;)

Just For Me?

He stays away and makes money but has no time to spend that money, or does he? He says he wants to be with me, ya like I believe that line of crap. He has followed me online for years and lied all the way, he knows I know who he is yet he still hides like a little boy. I have become his “friend”. 

He reads everything I post because it appears that I am the only “real” person in his life. He sits back and laughs, feels sorry for me and I piss him off. I enjoy pissing him off because he deserves it for all that he has done. He thinks I wait for him, ya just like I’m waiting for a serious case of diarrhea while shopping.

It must be nice to sit back and read about my life and say you want to marry me, like that will NEVER happen. I do not envy him nor do I wish to live his lifestyle. Many would love to be wealthy and famous as he is but I find that to be useless and shallow. He is neither but sometimes people need a swift kick in the behind.

I have my faults but I have some damn good virtues and he doesn’t have a place in my life and he is slipping out of my heart as well. He has watched me suffer yet offers not one word of support. I get more support out of an over bleached bra then I do him and just like that bra, he is being trashed.

You can give for only so long and when you get nothing in return it’s time to pack it and ship it, to let’s say fucking Chile. So go your own way and forget me as I am forgetting you. You are a scammer and always will be, how sickening is that? You stole from me and my children you fuck.