I have been going through quite a few mental changes and how I view people and the world. These changes are subtle but definitive and they are reshaping my views and fears. I am ready to step forward into a healthy relationship and I have wiped the slate completely clean so we can start fresh.
It’s like I have met someone for the first time when in fact I have known him four years. I want to meet him and talk to him and I want to know what I feel for this person. I love him, yes but in a different way then I have loved anyone else-it’s hard to describe but I know I can be silly with him.
I also know I can be myself with him and that is hard to come by because I do not feel totally comfortable with anyone. I have always kept a shield up but with him I feel safe enough to let it down. He is finally letting a bit of his guard down as well and this is good for both of us.
I do not want to change a single thing in his life, not where he lives, the time he spends with his kids or family, the way he sleeps. The sleeping part is a lie because I want him to get into a better sleeping pattern for his health. He is going to make a gigantic change in his own life soon enough.
I am here for him and I am starting to believe he is here for me but I am going to continue to see “C” until I know there is a connection with us. I won’t have sex with “C” but I will continue to want him to kiss me and hold my naked body next to his. It is an odd relationship we have because he hasn’t tried to push the sex button.