Mercury Goes Direct Baby! Mercury Turns Direct!

During this dramatic week, make sure you think before you act! Mercury turns direct on November 26, when sought-after information finally becomes available. However, when Mars conjuncts Pluto on November 27, you’ll need to contend with the strong agendas of people who may — or may not — have your best interests in mind. The lunar eclipse in Gemini on November 29 highlights secrets, lies and truth, but it may take time to sort it all out.


No Snow Fly

This is the first xmas without my dad and I feel real sad because I miss my dad. Most people would miss their dad’s too but my situation is a bit different. My dad and I started building our relationship when my brother was found dead. I was on the phone with one hospital where my husband was having emergency heart surgery and the other line rang in.

It was another hospital asking me if William Rhinewalt Totz was my brother and of course I said yes. They told me he was found dead in a vestibule and I needed to identify his body. Now, here I am on one line with my husband’s doctor and the other line about my brother, can you say serious mind fuck?

I actually had to call my aunt because I didn’t know what to do. I am always very calm and in control but I can say that time I lost it. She told me to call my dad and I did and he did. I went to the hospital where my husband was and at the end of the night I was completely exhausted.

I slept until 3 p.m. the following day and I had to begin making funeral arrangements for my brother. One lives, one dies as it should be and as it is written. They never met and my brother was very ill and homeless by choice, he had a horrific life and my heart cries out every time I think of him.

Then my grandmother was dieing but that is another story in and of itself, my grandmother suffered horribly because of my sister. Life is what it is and the hand I have been dealt has been one of many learned lessons, most of which have been of loss and regeneration.

My life has been like the phoenix except it is never-ending but I figure it this way, I have had to pay many a karmic debt so when I finally do find a permanent residence in someone’s life it will be a wonderful union of two. I want a relationship that starts as a handful of dirt and ends up a great pyramid of time.

Kiss Touch

The last several weeks I have been thinking a lot about my husband, maybe it’s the holidays or maybe it has something to do with”C”. I do not know but it’s kind of like we are spending this time together and saying our final goodbye. When you lose your spouse their body dies but they stay in your life.

I have noticed it takes approximately two years to move on from a death or divorce, both are the same. My husband has hung around like a fucking cobweb in the corner. I wish he would just die already and leave me be because it hurts to think of our last month together and it hurts more for me to accept that I lived 18 unhappy years of marriage.

We built a great friendship but a marriage needs to be more than friendship and we just didn’t have it. I am feeling quite melancholy as I feel his presence around me. My husband still has my respect as a friend and it’s as if I need his acceptance before I can move on. I haven’t been able to have sex with “C” because of my husband.

When you get divorced there are two people who are like “fuck you”, well “fuck you and your dog”, “fuck you, your dog and your mother, I never liked that bitch anyway”. There is usually a lot of anger and every once in  awhile you can catch someone standing at their kitchen sink strangling the dish towel, lmao.

When you lose your spouse it is so different because I for one need his blessing to move on, I need to know it’s ok for me to be happy and I need to know that he’s good with it. I feel like I have to get clearance from him, do not ask me why I just do. The bottom line is really doesn’t matter what he thinks because I’m going to do what I want anyway, but it would be nice to have his blessing.

Packed & Stacked Luggage

Have you ever really liked someone for a long time and they knew it and just didn’t seem to care? Have you ever finally met someone who makes life fun but the one that didn’t want you before now wants you? Have you told the person that their shit is packed and stacked and they can move on?

Why in the hell do people play hard to get and when you have finally had enough and found someone else all of a sudden they want to be with you? Well, it’s just a bit too late because I do not have time to waste on someone who plays games. I have a very nice man in my life that is almost everything I have ever wanted in a person.

I am not giving him up for someone who now wants me, maybe for the day or week but not interested in seeing if there is anything else to build a relationship on. “C” is a pretty fantastic guy and I will never really know him anymore than I knew my husband of 18 yrs. My husband hid a part of himself that was not admirable in the least.

All people have a hidden side that comes out during divorce time or separation time and they are evil mother’s now aren’t they? I have just gotten tired of the chase and now I am running and trying to leave a trail of barbed wire behind me. He thinks this is some kind of game but it is my life and I am trying to be happy, FINALLY.

I have no intentions of ever meeting this man because I tried once before and he played me, again. No more chances for him and I am done and if he thinks I am kidding he better realize that I am deleting him and blocking him, he can go play with someone elses mind and heart because mine is off the market.

Fancy Flute

Kids are a trip and the smallest things grab their attentions. In my house the kids have a thing for the wine glasses or champagne flutes, they haven’t found the margarita glasses yet. They like to drink pop out of them or juice.

My daughter started this trend years ago when I gave her welch’s grape juice in a shot glass. I do not drink but the kids get a kick out of using the stemware. My daughter also has a thing for my gravy server because she likes the shape of the serving spoon.

Shelby used to have tea parties and I would make the girls juice and put it in a teapot and they enjoyed their little party with sandwiches and cookies. Remembering times like these put a smile on my face because the kids were so damn cute.

Music Monday

I am starting a “Music Monday” where I will post a new song or songs to open your world up to something you may like or are moved by. The songs will cover all genre’s so I am sure you will not care for some of the songs but at least listen to the lyrics instruments and beat  before you leave 🙂



Muse Share

(Myth & Legend / Classical Myth & Legend) Greek myth any of nine sister goddesses, each of whom was regarded as the protectress of a different art or science. Daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne, the nine are Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia, and Urania

I like to watch any form of the arts and sports is included because I admire how individuals can do such great things with their bodies. People forget that any sport is a form of art and there are very few that are given such a gift and talent. I have always loved the water and to swim but I am no sport artist.

I would hope that my ability to write falls within the arts but I cannot feel what others feel when they read my writings or poetry. Poetry is not about rhyming words poetry is about expressing ones self in a way that others can feel your emotions. When someone writes poetry and they are writing about someone special the poem seems to grab us, or at least it grabs me.

Low Foot

I have joined several dating sites, not because I want to meet anyone-it just makes me feel good to read some of the mail and it makes me laugh. Men are a trip and foreign men are something else as well because you would think they have never seen a woman in lingerie.

I get so many compliments and I am sure there is a computer screen in numerous places that are covered in fluid. Men have a trigger and anything sexual of nature is that trigger. Men get aroused by two things lingerie and dirty talk, men love to be talked dirty to during sex and women tend not to like to be talked dirty to.

I don’t care for dirty talk because of something that happened to me from my past. I like the romantic talk like most women and I like to share my likes and dislikes. That is a big problem in relationships, people do not talk and communicate and that is so important in any relationship.