I was raised by my grandparents and they  were from Kentucky. They were typical southern baptists and yes they take singing at mass very important. Music moves us no matter what the lyrics.

I can remember the arms reaching to heaven, fainting, sweating and a lot of hurray’s. Music was based on the gospel and Elvis Presley made it quite famous. He took the gospil and sang it with vim and vigor.



Kleen X

I have two adorable miniature yorkies that keep me laughing and of course picking up. They have a thing for toilet paper, paper ect. and they love to tear it up. They got a hold of the toilet paper roll and now I have bits and pieces of paper everywhere. These little guys make me so happy and they make me laugh until I pee.

Pet therapy is wonderful and so helpful when you are down and out and even my son is taken by them. He is actually cleaning up after them for a change. I let Ryan hold them on the way home when I bought them and they think he is their “daddy”. They follow him everywhere and take their naps with him.

Many years ago I used to raise exotic birds and I had everything from finches to a hyacinth macaw and I would take my baby cockatiels and go to a nursing home. I gave the elderly babies and supplies all the food and necessities. A lot of the elderly had no family that visited them and the birds filled a void.

Pets can make us feel so much better and Michael and Gabriel keep me on my toes. They are so small and they run like little gazelle’s through the house. My house is set up so you can run down the hall and through the kitchen to the great room and back to the hall so there is a complete circle which has turned into doggie derby, lol.

Khloe kitty loves the boys, lol they fight and play and Khloe does the hide jump maneuver which is hilarious to watch. She thinks she is hiding and when the pups walk bye she jumps on the and plays. This house is like a racetrack as these three chase each other and they put love and life back into my home.

Unknown Viewing

I think all of us have been drawn into someone by their eyes, our eyes are the window to our souls and yes you can get drawn in. Eyes come in colors and they can look dull and worn. Some people have beautiful eyes, eyes that you can just stare at because they are so pretty.

I have been told that I have “doe eyes” like an innocent doe and then others tell me my eyes draw them in and they can feel how sensual I am. I can seduce anybody easily with my voice and eyes and yes I am extremely seductive and domineering at times. Look into my and what do you see?


Seriously Now

People move to fast in today’s world and everyone wants everything right now and that includes relationships. I am very cautious of people and relationships because I am afraid to get hurt. “C” and I have spent time together and we talk on the phone and skype all the time.

He’s talking about Christmas and us possibly living together, I haven’t been seeing him a month and he is talking like this. I am not going to live with him, we haven’t even done the deed. Why do people feel so threatened  and think if you are married, living together or are a couple that you and every thing you do should revolve around them.

You cannot control anyone and being in a relationship doesnt  give you the right of control.  “C” is jealous of “him” which is so stupid but it is quite obvious. I told “C” that “he” said he would meet me in vegas in January and we both busted out laughing when I told him. We know that will never happen because “he” likes to play games.

The way things work out for me is I would go to vegas and he wouldn’t show of course and I would end up hurt and disappointed again and I will not let him do that to me. If he wanted to meet me he would make arrangements to do so which would be convenient for me and my safety. Who knows he might be the next one that is into white slavery or something off the wall.


Ryan and I are watching a sci-fi flick and there are those scary parts that happen and Ryan start yelling at the guy on the tv. Come now, you know you have done this how many times? I do it all the time and when I am at the movie theatre I can hear other people doing the same thing.

Isn’t it funny  how you can watch a flick and you start telling the person on tv what to do or you are asking them, like they are going to answer. Isn’t human nature funny and isn’t it funny how we scream at a tv or in the movie theatre? Asking the movie person why are you just standing there? LOL

Quarter Bounce

I finally bought a new king size mattress for my bed. I got rid of our mattress a few days after Bob died. I just couldn’t sleep in that bed any longer. Every morning since May 10, 2003 I would put my hand on his chest to see if he was still alive.

Bob’s family has a clotting disorder and Bob would get clots quite a bit. I thought he would die from them but he died from leukemia. The mattress was to symbolic of him and it had to go. I got a new one and it is extra firm.

The mattress is so hard you can bounce a quarter off of it. Most people wouldn’t like to sleep on a mattress that hard but I have slept great for the last two nights. I haven’t woke up with back or hip pain, it’s a beautiful thing.

The next dilemma is  being very careful of  “breaking it in”. I seem to remember the first man I have been on a mattress. I do not want just anyone in my bed if you know what I mean but I can only wait so long and with “C” in my life, I don’t know if we ever will make love but the potential is definitely there.

A Letter Of Life

How do you live without being with someone you love? Do you look at pictures and old love letters? Do they remind you of where you would rather be or who you would rather be with?  Love letters are the glue that hold long distant relationships together.

Love letters say so much even when they say so little and they put a smile on our faces. If you take the time to write a love letter than the person you are writing to is pretty special. Most people don’t write letters even on the computer.

Love letters are so precious and they are the letters of life as they fill the void in our hearts when we are alone or lonely. A simple letter can say I miss you and I love you in a way even words cannot convey at times.

I wish I had someone to write me love letters without me having to tell them, but then again I am the dreamer am I not?

Mercury Goes Direct Baby!

Astrology.com: Mercury Turns Direct!

During this dramatic week, make sure you think before you act! Mercury turns direct on November 26, when sought-after information finally becomes available. However, when Mars conjuncts Pluto on November 27, you’ll need to contend with the strong agendas of people who may — or may not — have your best interests in mind. The lunar eclipse in Gemini on November 29 highlights secrets, lies and truth, but it may take time to sort it all out.



No Snow Fly

This is the first xmas without my dad and I feel real sad because I miss my dad. Most people would miss their dad’s too but my situation is a bit different. My dad and I started building our relationship when my brother was found dead. I was on the phone with one hospital where my husband was having emergency heart surgery and the other line rang in.

It was another hospital asking me if William Rhinewalt Totz was my brother and of course I said yes. They told me he was found dead in a vestibule and I needed to identify his body. Now, here I am on one line with my husband’s doctor and the other line about my brother, can you say serious mind fuck?

I actually had to call my aunt because I didn’t know what to do. I am always very calm and in control but I can say that time I lost it. She told me to call my dad and I did and he did. I went to the hospital where my husband was and at the end of the night I was completely exhausted.

I slept until 3 p.m. the following day and I had to begin making funeral arrangements for my brother. One lives, one dies as it should be and as it is written. They never met and my brother was very ill and homeless by choice, he had a horrific life and my heart cries out every time I think of him.

Then my grandmother was dieing but that is another story in and of itself, my grandmother suffered horribly because of my sister. Life is what it is and the hand I have been dealt has been one of many learned lessons, most of which have been of loss and regeneration.

My life has been like the phoenix except it is never-ending but I figure it this way, I have had to pay many a karmic debt so when I finally do find a permanent residence in someone’s life it will be a wonderful union of two. I want a relationship that starts as a handful of dirt and ends up a great pyramid of time.