This is the first Christmas without my dad and the second Christmas without my husband. I quit enjoying holidays the year I got married. Watching my kids open gifts was always a delight but when that was over I considered the day over and I was always glad. Tears of Holidays follow me like my shadow and I always cry these days over the empty, lost feeling of being alone on the holidays.
My kids have their own agenda and the closest I have been to my son in quite a while was tonight when both of us ran for the bathroom, him to puke and me, well there are certain foods that shoot through my system like a cannon. I do have to laugh because he puked all over the toilet, himself and me and I shit all over myself.
We didn’t know which smelled worse but both of us ended up taking showers, like yesterday. It just amazes me how we have four bathrooms but we seem to always use the one. I wonder if that is the case in most homes or is this just another oddity to this household.
I do not have a single decoration up or a Christmas tree and I just do not have any desire to celebrate the holiday’s because there is nothing for me to celebrate. Do I celebrate my dad’s death? My husband’s? No, I celebrate nothing even though Christmas has nothing to do with us or buying presents.