Perfect Two

This song says it all for me, it expresses the type of relationship I want and I will settle for non less. I have a happy ending to my story, there’s just so many chapters before I reach that one.

This song sums up what I have been searching for and probably what most people are searching for. Love, the illusive emotion that gives as much pleasure as it does pain.

Left Unattended

I feel no safety and I feel no love, I feel nothing but pain in my heart and body. You left me unattended, unprotected, vulnerable and easily victimized. You are supposed to protect me, where are you?

I am thankful you cannot see me, you cannot see my bruised and battered body, you cannot see the tears that fall from my heart and eyes. Do you feel my pain? Do you feel my betrayal? Do you feel the wetness of my tears?

You are supposed to be MY angel, you are supposed to love me enough to protect me but you did not, you betrayed me as well. We shall not meet before I die for this I am now certain.

You do not protect me, you did not save me, you were not there when I needed the safety of your arms, you let me get beat and you did nothing for me, you might as well have kicked me too.

This is the end no matter what the song says, it is good-bye, when I needed you the most you weren’t there…….I AM IN CONTROL

Gong Me

Do you remember the Gong show? They would have “acts” on and if the judges didn’t like them they banged on the gong. It was a stupid but so entertaining for a child. Why do I bring this show up? Because watching Michael and Gabriel chasing Khole or Khloe chasing the boys  is a  unique type of entertainment unto itself.

Here I sit with a glass of cold Vernors ginger ale wearing nothing but a tank top and watching the morning show of pets. I would usually be drinking tea but you can spell lazy with a big L. The cigarette smolders in the ashtray and the smoke swirls upward and into the morning sunlight.

 The boys are so small and weigh less than 2 lbs. each and they truly warm the cockles of my heart. they keep me laughing and smiling through the pain. I have had to slow down with “We Ambay” because I can’t get around to well as of yet. James turned 18 yesterday and he went clubbing the other night and fell of the stage, so his back his messed up now.

“We Ambay” is an online consignment and using my own junk has taught me one thing, anyone will buy anything for sure. I’ve tried to continue to update my database but honestly the pain is so distracting. I hurt so bad I can’t even bend over to trim and paint  my toe nails, ya I know a woman without painted toes is an unhappy woman, as if lmao.

My daughter informed me it’s time for  me to be more of a “lady”, wearing makup, start dating, start living life again. She tells me I am getting better with applying makeup, lol and she would know. I am not into getting all dolled up but if it makes her happy then I will continue to try.

I am sitting here with my grandmothers afghan and pulling down my tank top to my coochie because that morning draft is a bit chilly and I am to lazy to put on my pajama pants. My nightly ritual is either to take off my pajama pants or gown and crawl into bed with nothing but a tank on.

My chest always gets cold and my ass is always so hot that I have to do something to be comfortable. I feel like the “Karate Kid” except there is no wax on wax off, it’s blankets on blankets off. Half of the night my ass is hanging over the side uncovered and the other half of the night I am bundled up.

My daughter comes into my room all the time and covers me up, now aint that sweet? She asked me why I like to sleep naked and I told her it made being made love to in my dreams so much real, she looked at me and busted out laughing. I don’t know why she laughed because it’s the truth, maybe she thinks I am joking, ya that’s it.