Smiling False

As I look at this picture I see a fake smile, look closely and you will see this smile never reaches his eyes. The smile says, just take the damn picture and be done already. This is the typical fake smile of an Aquarius and I have seen this type of smile on my son’s face. People that do not know my son think he is genuinely smiling but he is not.

A picture can say so much, yet say so little and looking into his eyes he says volumes……

Look into his eyes, doesn’t it look like someone is shoving their foot up his ass and he isn’t so comfortable? That is smiling fake and he is so good at it.


Self Abandoment

My body moves through the days but my mind is somewhere else, I lost myself the other night when my son hurt me. I just keep seeing myself on the floor and him lifting the cage over and over and hitting me. I was in utter disbelief that he was doing that to me, how do I  come to terms with this?

The hospital called  today and I told them I want nothing to do with Ryan, he destroyed a part of me and I do not know if I will ever get it back. When you are assaulted something inside breaks and no one can fix it, I am just sick over this and as a mother I am beckoned to save my children.

As a damaged woman, I want nothing to do with anyone who has abused me, I don’t even talk to my mother because I cannot forgive or forget was she did to me and my siblings. I was lost for years and finally found myself but now I have lost myself once again. I feel so betrayed and abandoned.

I feel taken advantage of and neglected, I feel as if I have no use or purpose, my son did the unthinkable and I cannot see past it. I am so totally destroyed as a person and I do not know if I will find my way back. Tears flow as if they have their own on and off switch and I am engulfed in sorrow, I am enveloped in so much pain and agony.

Pretty Just Tune

I thought this song was so pretty, the lyrics and violins are just poetic to me………….dedicated to me, by me and for me because there is no one that would dedicate such a song to me.

this one too, moves me

One day I will be somebody’s song, but not today……..