Same Mistake

Running in the dusk as the rain pelts my face, I run and run and run into nothing, nowhere, where am I? Who am I? What happened to the “me”? She lies dead on the floor against the wall where it meets the floor. She died there that night, she lost herself, thrown back into another time of hurt, pain and loss.

She is who she is but who is she? She is damaged beyond repair and the pain in the heart reaches every inch of her mind and body. Mistakes, she makes the same mistake over and over and she is nothing more then a barren womb, an empty heart, empty life. She is lost, forever lost and no one searches for her.

The forest is my safe haven, I run I hide I cry I am sad. The pain I carry in a wheel barrel these days because it overflows from my heart. The pain is unbareable but I will make the same mistake…………….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh7Xm178iLY&list=FLKsBwLsbP0Xl4aiy294RU1g&index=12

Daddy Me Please

I miss my dad so much you have no idea how my heart aches for his words of wisdom. He was a guiding force in my life and this is the first xmas without him. My dad no doubt walks beside my husband and telling him he was an ass. My dad saw me for who I was not who he thought I was.

He saw the good and bad he saw the impatience and too much giving, he saw the lonely woman who walks through the shadows. My dad saw me as I was, he saw me for the person I really am, he is the only person that really knew me. He knew I was of his loins and of his life, I was of his mind and heart, I was of his kindness and generosity. 

I was………….my father’s daughter and he has not forgotten me he is with me now at the darkest hour of the darkest day of my broken heart. He attempts to pick up the pieces and put them back together as he places my heart back into my chest, my dad tells me “one day my daughter, one day”.

We both know what this means……………but do you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y6smkh6c-0

The Rejection Part 3

I was breathless and covered in the sweat of orgasm and he moved his body on top of mine but did not enter me. He looked at me and set “this isn’t what you want, no this is what you want but not with me”. Was he reading my mind? did my forehead blink the truth in bright neon? How did he know?

He put his hands on my forehead and pushed the hair out of my eyes and he said to me in such a sad voice, “it’s him, it’s always going to be him, isn’t it”? I said “NO” I have to move past him and I wanted “C” to make love to me, I needed “C” to make love to me, to free me. “C” had become another prisoner of sorts as he withheld what I needed the most.

He rolled off me and laid next to me and told me he would not have sex with me until it was just me and “C” not me “C” and him. Wow, this blew my mind-the ultimate rejection. He told me until I delete my facebook and my blog there was no point in us seeing each other on any level.

I am so hurt but I have to accept his feelings and this is the first time anyone has ever “dumped” me. I will miss him but he is right, I cannot move forward until I unload the past and that included Gabriel. This has been a great year for me-death, almost death, losing my son, myself, being assaulted and now rejected, 2013 can’t get here soon enough.

So I am sure you are happy, fucking thrilled that your “girl” is still “pure” for you, right? Fuck you you are a selfish fuck and you know it and my happiness means nothing to you, hell you don’t take care of your own happiness. Go ahead tell me how happy you are give me some more bullshit of yours.

Please go fall in love with someone, go get happy walk in the fucking rain and share a gelato with a french maiden, go go now you fuck

Rejection Part 2

I slithered up the mattress pushing his legs apart and taking in his distinctive smell and I rested my  head on his pounding cock still in his boxer briefs. My hands were on the outside of his thighs and I just laid there thinking, it’s do or die time. I slowly pulled down his briefs setting his manhood free to breathe again.

I laid there and thought to myself, “what am I doing”? This is not what I wanted to do but I had to. I kissed his hips and licked and nibbled around his manhood and then I stuck my tongue in his belly button. He started to laugh and I said thanx for washing that sugar bowl lint away. We both laughed and he pulled me up to him and he kissed me.

He laid me on my back and leaned his head on his perched arm and looked me in the eyes. He said “you don’t have to do this” and I told him I knew. He kissed me and fondled my breasts and began to suck on my cherry pit sized nipples. He found my moistness, my center and he worked his way to my bud of utter delight.

He spread my legs and slowly kissed my inner thighs and around my essence. He told me I had a special smell that he really liked and he began to get me so aroused. He got out my toys and took me to another place and time that was so damn exciting and the waves of orgasm shot through me like bullets..to be continued…..

Rejection

The doorbell rang and I walked over and opened the door, there he stood with a beautiful bouquet of wild flowers and his award-winning smile. I opened the door and he handed me the flowers as he stepped into the foyer. He was dressed very comfortable in jeans and a shirt with a sweater over it.

He always looked attractive no matter what he was wearing. He hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and I turned and he followed me into the kitchen. I opened the cupboard door under the sink and took out the flower vase. Opening the flowers and removing the “vitamin pack” and locating the scissors and cutting the pouch open and pouring it into the vase.

I filled the vase with water and cut the flower stems on the appropriate angle and removed the vase from the sink and placed the flowers inside. I arranged them to my liking and placed the vase on the kitchen table and stood back. I stood just looking at the flowers and wondering what each of them represented, if anything.

He walked up behind and put his arms around my waist and asked me what I was thinking and I told him. He told me each flower represented something he found to be super special about me. Damn Aquarius males, so smooth and flirtation, so sensual and caring so damn irresistible!

I took his hand and let him to my bedroom, this was going to break in the new mattress and break in Kimberly day unbeknownst to him. “C” was so much of what I wanted in a man, a relationship but something….there’s that something again. I drifted off in thought momentarily as if to ask myself if this is what I really wanted to do.

I sat him on the bed and removed his sweater as I kissed his forehead, nose and each cheek. I began to kiss the top of his ear letting him feel the heat of my breath on his ear and neck. I slowly took his ear lobe in between my teeth and slightly tugged and kissed it. I was also busy unbuttoning his shirt.

I wanted to rip it off of him but I hate sewing and would not want to sew those buttons back on. I removed his shirt and undid his pants and pulled them off as well. He had a marvelous body, one to be admired as well as desired. I raised his legs to the bed and I looked at him lying there with his arms under his head and the hard on bulging through his wears.

I moved to the end of the bed and began to lick on his second toe and slowly took it into my mouth. He could feel the excitement shoot up to his cock and it bounced up and down like it was clapping. I loved looking at him in nothing but his boxer briefs because it’s more exciting not to see and to imagine than to see and have no fantasy at all.

I massaged his calf as I played with his toes and I massaged his thighs as I kissed the inside of his ankle working my way up to his boy toy. He was making some quite entertaining remarks as he had never felt anything like this before. Yes, he had had his toes sucked on but I was doing so much more.

Anyone can have sex and anyone can fuck and some can even make love but when sex is an art form you love to paint then splash the canvas with the colors. I enjoy feeling the body, I enjoy knowing the body, every perfect part as well as all the imperfections. Sex is art to me and I am loving the canvas I am painting…..to be continue……………..

`My Dear

It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you don’t know but has been part of your life. Things happen to us that make us wake up and take a good look at ourselves and our lives and sometimes we are put in a position that allows us to see our life flash before us.

That happened to me and you were not there to protect me and that is what woke me up. I would die and you would never know and probably not bother to find out what happened to me. Would it make a difference to you anyway? The thought that you did not protect me woke me up.

You are not there for me and never have been and I am wide awake now and I except this for what it is. A lonely famous rich guy that is happy with an imaginary relationship, a few notes a few pics to jack off to and you are happy. I am not happy and I need to be so please excuse me as I bow out of your life and find my own, something you might try to do for yourself as well.

You force yourself to stay up and read as I write instead of getting rest like you should, this is not healthy for you, you see I am no good for you, please take care and my best always….goodbye my dear

The Gift

The gift I give you is your freedom, your freedom to forget me and find someone who makes you happy. You are addicted to me and this is not good. You have no desire to meet me just to read about my life and look at my pictures. It is time for Gabriel to find Gabriel and his happiness, this does not include me.

I tried I really did but even I have my limits and you are used to getting anything and anybody you like, so get yourself one just not me. I do not want anything from you and I would hope you are financially well off enough to take care of yourself and I am sure you are.

I am not for you I am not one that would bring looks your way, I am not beautiful I am not thin I am not famous and that is what you like to be seen with rich and famous. It’s just your way but not mine and I wish you luck but you are doing fine all on your own.

You were my best friend, ya you were and I always felt safe when I heard your voice. You will not accept my calls so I will call you no more. I am keeping you from the one you should be with so please be happy take care and be the best you can be, o ya find yourself Gabriel and be true to yourself.