Things are starting to move along nicely around here, Shelby and Leo came over and Leo painted the basement and Shelby shoveled the snow. We had some homemade chocolate chip cookies and tea and we had a delightful visit. We get along so well now that the tension between us is gone, yes I have finally excepted my boo boo is a big girl now and quite independent. I’m setting up a storefront for all the junk I want to get rid of starting with all the cake decorating stuff.
It’s a lot of data entry and I have been working it since yesterday and it will probably take all week before I get done. I’m dumping so much stuff and getting money for it and that works nicely for me. I am quite anxious about the chart comparison and the way I feel she is going to tell me to hang in there brighter days are ahead, I have got myself set to end the relationship once and for all because it is just holding me back from being really happy.
He won’t let himself go after what he really wants and I am a beginning to wonder if I am nothing more than a sexual fantasy. He likes to look at my private pictures and read my eroticfantasylife blog so I wonder if that is all I mean to him. He wants to be with a woman like me so bad he can’t stand it but he is also scared to death that he will lose control of himself and his emotions. If you want something you have to go after it because tomorrow you could be in a wheelchair or dead and your mobility is limited.
I do not know what keeps him from coming to me, is it my illness? my weight? my education? what is it? Another woman I have no doubt and he is committed to the relationship but only so deep and if that is the case he needs to make himself totally happy and do not live to exist but to enjoy what God has put on this earth. In four years he finally got divorced and my husband died now that we are both free I am ready to meet him but he doesn’t seem to want to meet me.
I’m going to close my facebook and my blogs because I do not have time for them any longer, I will not be writing to often if at all. I have to focus on making my life easier and getting things done around here. I wish I had a warm body to crawl into bed too, someone I can put my cold feet on to warm them up, I get lonely but I have yet to get desperate and end up in bed with someone for the sake of having sex. I would hope he isn’t like that but who knows?