If Only

What does anyone see in me? What does “he” see in me? I look in the mirror and it cracks slowly from top to bottom, right down the center of my face and I wonder “what could he possibly see”. I am not pretty like the others and I haven’t traveled the world no I have done nothing gone with the wind fabulous like he has and the world wouldn’t miss me if I were gone like most people. I’m a foolish women in so many ways and I want to be in his arms just for a moment, I so want to know him, the meadow boy.


I have learned so much from him and I doubt he knows how much  I have grown because of him, how he has held me in my tearful moments, how he has grabbed me every time I have tried to walk away. How can I care so deeply about him and how can I continue to put my heart on hold for him, when I know we shall never be more than we are. He’s my best friend, his voice soothes my broken and shattered world and if he only knew what he really means to me. If he only would look beyond today and into his golden years, if only.

If he would let me, I would walk in the rain with him, play in the mud with him and care for him when he is old and frail, when the fame and fortune mean nothing nothing at all as life’s moments tick away. I so wish to swing on the back porch with him listening to the crickets and watching for shooting stars. If only live could be so easy for a change but that is not my life, my life is one of a fighter and a survivor and those that see only my strength need to look beyond to the broken heart that lies within my chest.

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