There is a place for us somewhere and I will find it one day, there is a time a for us someday and that day is soon, so very soon. I will never let my memories of your voice leave me and I will never abandon you, my friend and I pray for you everyday as if you were my own. If you do have a child love her G, just love her and if you have married or plan on it, please please please do not make that mistake but if you have I really wish you well, honestly from the bottom of my heart I want to see you happy finally.
I know I am damaged and I know I am not pretty like the other women but I care for you and have for a very long time, I love you like a brother because I do not know you enough to be in love with you. I have tried to be there for you but you obviously do not need me but I am always here for you hon, because you are my friend, my best friend. I wish you were an average man but you are not and I have to accept you for who you are but I am thankful I do not know the person the world knows.
You have a good heart and yes you were misguided and may still be but I am not perfect by a long shot and I have been so angry at you for wanting me to know who you really are because it means nothing to me. Maybe one day you will take my hand and let me show you life as it really is but you will never do that because you have too much shame and guilt. Please forgive yourself hon and even though we shall never meet I will always be there for you in sickness and health and it breaks my heart to know your sadness.
Please do what makes you really happy, stupid silly happy and quit doing what is expected of you and I am sure your mother would say the same to you. You were put here to do something wonderful and you have but you haven’t done the one thing you should be doing and only you know in your heart what that is. Follow your heart babe, be happy and I will also be happy one day, some way it will happen and I believe God has a plan for me and I shall find out what it is in due time.
I had court today for the felony charge and I agreed to a misdemeanor and anger management class, what bullshit but I didn’t want to drag Shelby down there for three days and screw up her grades as she needs scholarships to get through college. I don’t give a rats ass about a misdemeanor it means nothing to me and has no effect on me because I’m not looking for employment. Court is like watching a monkey fuck a football as the judge had 7 jury trials because her ass can’t get into court and I wasn’t about to spend another grand for an expert witness.
She tried to scare me and tell me if I was found guilty she would put me in jail for a year, like that would change a damn thing. She is ignorant just like the cops and it’s over so no big deal as far as I am concerned. Im glad it’s over and now I can go on my trip without this shit hanging over my head any longer. Doris is a piece of fecal matter on two legs and that will come out eventually and even Leo listened to her lies while waiting for the prosecutor. People and money make me sick because the greed and taking things that mean nothing to them but money.
She will end up giving me all of my family momenots which mean everything to me and they are valuable I assume or the bitch wouldn’t want them. She is so fucking stupid she lied to me about cremating my dad and still refuses to give up his ashes, which is just sick and wrong. Im not about money and all I want is justice for a change. She stole from my great grandmother and other elderly people and a person that does this needs to be bitch slapped several hundred times. I cannot stand people using other people for financial gain or any kind of gain because it is just sick to me.
The only thing I find sicker than what Doris did is someone getting knocked up and pretending “it was an accident”, you couldn’t get me to buy that bullshit, this is control and manipulation at it’s best and men are fucking stupid to believe it. No woman gets knocked up accidentally these days, it doesn’t happen and if you happen to be one of those men well you are being played better than a skin flute. This is a marriage trap and if you fall for it you belong together because you are a fool.
If a child is born under these conditions I would first demand a dna test and I wouldn’t marry, no fucking way but if the child were mine I would definitely take care of that child regardless if you were conned or not. If you fell for the trap it isn’t the child’s fault and you should love and care for that child with all of your being. If you do marry it will end terribly because you will always wonder what the truth is and never find out the real answer because the real answer is you were SCAMMED.
You fell in love with the silly things she does and you fell in love during the rain, this isn’t the woman who will make you happy because she caught you off guard and she has used it against you. A child is conceived not out of love but strictly out of need. A need to own you, a need to want your lifestyle, a need to be something she isn’t and never could be, you have become her mouse caught in her trap waiting for marriage somewhere on the map. You marry because you want your child’s love and respect but this woman is truly a train wreck.
You think I don’t know and you think I am stupid but you are the one used like a puppet, she doesn’t love you the way you need, she is manipulating you with your own seed. You give her the finest gifts and house her in a mansion but what’s really sad is she doesn’t love you the way you need to be loved. You do not see her using you, you do not see the child is a tool, you must have your child in your arms and you throw away what truly charms. She will take you for a long ride and she will leave you drowning emotionally in the tide.
You make your choices for a child of what you thought came out of love, this woman has an evil side and no she is not a dove-the bird fly’s over head high above and one day when you look up you will find a huge shit fall right into your eye. Be careful, be cautious because she is stealing from you but you are too blind to see because you are in love with love not what you truly need. It is sad life has to be so painful at times but a child is used not once but twice, children are beautiful and they may run but losing what you really need is no longer fun.
I enjoy kids but there are stages in their lives that I do not like, the smell of a baby, the first smile the first hug is what makes us smile and that is true love. A child is born and is used for control, will you continue to allow it, will you continue to let more? This woman knows you wanted a daughter and no she doesn’t care who she has to slaughter, this woman controls you and knows your fears but she doesnt know you and never will.
We meet someone, we like them, we fuck them, we move them into our lives and homes. Things go well for a while and then you begin to feel that “feeling” that something is missing, something isn’t right, something just doesn’t fit. We begin to feel confused and do not understand what is going on and then Boom, in our face and heart lies the truth. We are not loved we are being used and we realize we are nothing more than a stepping stone for another’s future and they want what we have worked so hard to obtain.
We lie in bed, once in each other’s arms and then we realize we are sleeping apart, on the sides of the bed. There are no more loving words, no more caring or concern, just a sneaky fuck working behind our back to control us, own us, manipulate us and steal from us. The person you thought you knew, you never knew at all because they wear a mask on their face with a dagger behind their backs. A baby is born, a happy time for most and as we look at our child we see only ourselves.
Love is not built on lies and deceit, love does not come to those that truly weep, it isn’t love that comes our way but just another thief ready to take it all away. The side glance and smiles are no more and then you begin to feel like a cheap whore. We invested our time with this person only to realize it was a poor investment with little or no return and we lose faith in ourselves and what we once knew. The person we trusted doesn’t exist, it was all in our mind another fucked up twist.
Most run from
I stand and
Wait for the hurricane https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4wU1qvD9Vc
I see the dirt and paper
Soaring through the
As if it has
Not a single care
The land is now
Of once was
Only a clear
Patch of land
Now in the
When Bob and I went to court regarding the lawsuit over the loss of his leg we sat in the court room and a famous attorney walked up to us and asked us if we were involved in the lawsuit which involved people dieing on a ferry in N.Y., I told him no we were not and he said “do you know who I am” and I said yes and he said to me “well you now have met me” and I told him “and yes, you now have met me, also”. So you’re famous? So you have a name? Should I bow to you? Should I ask for your autograph?
I think not because I have learned long ago all of us put our pants on the same and when you brag about your status in life then you are a nobody because you rely on your fame to open doors. People want to be associated with fame and fortune because it does open doors but who are these people anyway? They do not know as they have lost themselves along the way but some still use their fame to get their way. Today, is the Kwame Kilpatrick final closing arguments in court and I have no doubt I will see him and I have no interest in meeting him.
Today, is the beginning of the end of my fight in court regarding felony charges against me involving my dad and I am not scared one bit and will be glad when it’s over. It will be over no later than Wed and may be done as early as today, that is if Vonda, the judge decides that she will get out of bed at 8 a.m. and be on time but good old Vonda likes her natty hair done and makeup applied strategically. Maybe I am just to lazy or do not care enough to apply layers of makeup on myself and my hair is just fine as far as I see.
I don’t hide under clothing or makeup and I am not afraid to let people see me when I wake up because this is Kimberly, stripped down and naked for the world to see as she truly is. I am a stallion, I am beautiful, strong and majestic and the stallion in me is a pretty damn good one indeed. I have always loved horses and have found my happiest days when I was riding my horse as a child, we rode bareback as I couldn’t afford a saddle for many years but riding bareback I was one with him.
There is something about riding a horse that I connect with, feel at home with and accept myself for who and what I am, riding as a child taught me so much, it taught me that even a giant can be gentle and it taught me to have faith in myself and my abilities. Horses are wonderful therapy for our souls and they can show us life as it is not as it should be. There is no other feeling comparable with riding a horse, riding makes you one with nature and life and it teaches us to appreciate the beauty before our eyes.
I miss riding and haven’t ridden in years but the touch of the mane and feeding an apple or carrot to a horse puts me in a place of total solitude and I become one with these majestic animals. If only I could go back in time, to the moments of riding the range I would go back so fast but I cannot and all I have is memories of how peaceful I felt when I was riding. I mucked stalls and cleaned hooves and it never occurred to me that I would be without my horse, but life changes and we lose what we most love, never being able to replace it or them.